I (28M) Found out my Gf (27F) said some pretty disrespectful stuff about me to her friends in the past.
I was looking through my gfs ig messages, group chat with 2 best friends. Now i know i shouldn't do that,but my intentions were not bad,i was looking for sth specific because i wanted to make a personalized gift. But well,i stumbled on some old messages with her friends from when we first started dating. She said some VERY disrespectful things about me, showed clear lack of interest in pursuing me and compared me to the other tall muscular guy she was seeing at the same time. She literally described me as "too nice,would let me walk all over him if i wanted", "Kind of a weak nerd". When her friend asked about how it was going with me,her response was "Who cares, I'm getting bored of him and the new guy is tall and has huge muscles." Also she lied to me when i asked a while back and told me she stopped dating other guys when we first met. Now it's two years later, we live together and up to this moment i had zero second thoughts. I'm really struggling on how I'll deal with it, i can't discuss it with her without admiting how i found out,but i also cannot keep it in, the comments she made about me are eating me up,even if she made them when she barely knew me. The question is do i bring it up, and if so how do i do it without her turning the situation on me snooping? I am open to discussing that too,but I'm pretty sure it'll be used to take away the attention from the main issue.
I mean, you're just gonna have to take accountability of snooping and have a conversation about it. Both things can be talked about without being overridden if all the participants are open to explaining and working things through. Just start out with "I have something to admit. I was snooping, and I'm sorry about that. I realize this might be difficult to believe, but I was looking for information for [description of personalized gift because we need to be transparent for this to move forward]. While I was doing this, I came across something hurtful, and I need to talk about it. Before we get into that, would you like to talk about your feelings on me snooping?" Let her get her reaction first, then you can discuss more in depth this issue. If she cares about you, she won't try to hyperfocus on the snooping to distract from the root issue. She will give you room to talk and hopefully be able to apologize for the things she said.
