got crisis teamed today. after spending four and a half hours in the building for the local access team, speaking to a social worker, a doctor and finally the biggest cunt of a consultant i have ever fucking met.
but yes, i was absolutely fine, anxious as fuck and hallucinating yes, but i was pretty calm and composed outwardly until i had to speak to this consultant. within ten minutes i was a hysterical mess. she was intimidating, condescending and seemed to have no understanding that i was really fucking distressed and that getting angry at me was not going to solve the fucking problem.
this is after they got the wrong file, so she was asking me about drug use and ADHD and abusive relationships and it was like 'uh, you got the wrong file love.' the words piss up and brewery spring to mind.
so im running on a few hours sleep, i've been alone in an unfamiliar environment for almost five hours and i've got some stranger getting angry at me for getting upset because after repeating the exact same answer three times she got aggressive and asked the same bloody thing and i deal badly with excessive questions when im on a fairly evenish kilter (for me anyway) so when im suicidal to the max and hearing things and all this shit, i am really not okay. then she's trying to force the issue with putting me back on abilify which lost all theraputic effect within two weeks, and when i said as much, she started talking about risperidone which no there is a reason they've not given it to me, and that's because for some reason my system is ultra sensitive to medication or something and im prone to pretty rough side effects (see fluoxotine and the zombie girl or quitapine and the break down of epic proportions) and risperidone is pretty side-effecty and i want to try and avoid medication because my mother turns into the most irritating woman on the face of the earth and i don't like how meds make me feel.
so, a phone call, a verbal complaint and they're sending me the stuff to make a written complaint because i left that building in fucking hysterics with my hands shaking so badly i dropped my phone and had to get my mum to leave work and come and get me because y'know i could barely breathe never mind get the bloody bus.
so, get home and about fifteen minutes later, mum gets a call and it's crisis and they're like 'we'll be around this evening if that's okay' and yep, totally fine, (me and mum sat in rather stunned silence after) and by quarter past six there was a very nice lady sat in my front room from crisis, and she told me that there'd be someone else to see me tomorrow and i was given contact information for their service which is 24 hours. rather than the shitting '9-5 if there's a problem go to the hospital' services im used to. and she put me at a half decent ease and was really nice, calm, didn't get irritated when i got confused.
long story short. access team's consultant is a cunt and i like the crisis team lady.