#ace!newt

[doomednarrative]

Ace Newt is a good headcanon

[subbyp]

agametic. (part 2)

[previous chapter] [ao3]

Here are a few of the things you’re determined not to notice about Hermann Gottlieb:

How he can never seem to get his pants hemmed to the right length, and how his argyle supportive socks peek out from under them.

How bony his wrists are, and how adorably pointy the head of his ulna is in particular when he articulates his distal radioulnar joint with his choppy little thinking gestures.

His “r”s, and the rolling thereof.

That one time they served tater tots in the cafeteria, and how he sorted them by crispiness, eating first the soft ones, then the overly crispy ones, then the “optimal” ones, oh my God who does that?!

The incredible molecular awareness in each of the nerves of your back and neck when he peers over your shoulder.

The way his eyes sparkle when someone does something nice for him, or makes a joke that he’s trying to avoid laughing at, and how much you crave the brief moments when you can strike their flint with your clumsy words.

The empty spaces that, one day, he will certainly leave behind.

--

The Wall slowly rises and the domes get mothballed one by one. You spend months in a haze, you and Hermann disassociating together, productive and terrified. They closed Wellington--they can’t close Wellington--I heard they were closing Jakarta--Kyoto--Seoul--San Diego--they’re moving the San Diego stuff to Tijuana--Tijuana’s gone--Sydney, they won’t close Sydney, Striker Eureka is too effective but they close anyway, packing equipment even as the Wall shatters and the cameras roll. 

You get the call from Marshall Pentecost and it’s you and Hermann and Tendo on a plane to Hong Kong, it’s you watching Hermann grind his teeth in his sleep, it’s you wanting to touch his hand or his hair but feeling so acutely the script that has you reciting porn in his bed.

It’s you and a couple hundred other lunatics writing memos at the gates of hell. It’s the greatest scientific treasure trove in human history. It’s the end of the world.

--

You almost kiss Hermann the day the Kaidanovskys arrive with a case of the certified Good Shit, the kind you’re not supposed to be drinking, and he steals a bottle of it and lets you hide with him in his Crabby Drinking Alcove. You almost kiss him the day Tendo’s son is born and the two of you have a laughing fit because there should not be babies flaunting their little baby toes, don’t they know the continents are crumbling? You almost kiss him when your meds run out and your brain is unraveling and he’s the only one who notices and yells at the infirmary staff until someone does something about it. You almost kiss him when you tell him about the Pons unit you made and he looks at you like he cares if you live or die.

You almost kiss him, but you never do, because the thought of performing for this man you love is sickening, and performance is all you can imagine. There’s a breach inside you that you cover with vitriol because it’s so much easier than covering it with tinsel and stage backdrops, worried moans and backward glances and the alchemy of obligatory desire. 

You’re a one-man doomed romance, sick with envy at the Kaidanovskys, at Tendo and Alison, at all the effortless dances leaving you behind. Their pretense of desire is so seamless that it barely looks like a pretense at all. You’re the only one who can’t keep up the masquerade. You’re the only one who was never given a script. You’re the only one who had to infer your own part.

God, you want to want him. God, you want for one thing in life to be conducted with honesty. God, you want desire to be real.

[next chapter]

[willowelijah]

My thesis on how Newt Scamander is ace

Naming characters in accordance to a specific trait of that character is a common thing for writers to do, J.K. Rowling is no exception.

evidence: severus snape: snape ≈ snake

source

as we all know snape is head of slytherin house and their emblematic animal is a serpent, which he is named after. in western culture, snakes are associated with being cunning and vicious, something snape’s character can also be associated with. therefore, his name is reflective of his personality.

source

secondly: newt scamander ≈ newt salamander (it almost sounds like salamander, also a newt is a type of salamander)

basically newt’s character is to be associated with a salamander.

here’s a fact about mole salamanders:

source

meaning then, that some salamanders don’t need to reproduce; don’t need to have sex; (?)presumably don’t have sex(?)

don’t forget to grab your free of charge ace!newt before you leave, there’s plenty for all of us

i can’t believe we have a hufflepuff ace-spec wizard person who’s name is newt and loves plants and magical creatures and is over-all the main character of a whole film series!!!!!!

[everwonderwhatentropylookslike]

I was inspired. I downloaded the free trial of adobe photoshop a few days ago to make a thing for the IG account lgbt.hogwarts, and I have a few days left on it. This is the result of about 3 hours on photoshop and a lot of googling. It’s not perfect, but I hope you like it! (I realized it would’ve been so much more awesome to do the spade thing instead of paint splatter)

[newtiegotbooty]

Okay, so I know you did a whole thing of asexual!Newt headcannons before, but I was wondering if you could maybe do some more headcannons about Nalby with asexual!Newt. It makes me so happy, cause I'm asexual and Nalby's my OTP. You totally don't have to if you don't want to, of course. <3 I love your blog!

NOOOO, I LOVE ASEXUAL NEWT!!! AND I AM ALSO ASEXUAL!!! AND NALBY’S SO CUTE!!!

(It’s really long! I didn’t mean for it to be so long!!! And the beginnings boring, I’m sorry DX)

Okay, so Alby and Newt were bffs growing up. And as they get into middle and high school and take all those sex ed classes that make everyone really uncomfortable (not in a good way), Newt doesn’t feel the way all the videos and teachers say he should, but he doesn’t think much of it cuz they’re all still changing and what not. But once their in high school (like 15/16 years old) and everybody starts dating, and they’re all talking about sex, and Alby starts being weird and avoiding him, and Newt’s initially afraid that Alby somehow knows that he (Newt) doesn’t care about sex and all that and thinks he’s weird. So he approaches Gally or Ben, someone who Newt doesn’t spend a lot of time with but Alby does, and asks them if Alby’s said anything about him, and they dismiss him with something like “He’s not avoiding you in purpose, he just has a huge, debilitating crush on you” which is very relieving, but also poses the question of how Newt’s going to talk to him about it.

And they used to have sleepovers all the time when they were young, where they would stay up all night playing video games and trying not to wake up Newt’s parents, so Newt invites him over and they sit in Newt’s room all night with snacks and video games until Newt finally says that Gally or someone told him about Alby’s crush. And Alby’s horrified for all of ten seconds before Newt starts blurting out all these weird things about sex and dating, but he really likes Alby, and they hold each other and agree that even if they’re not going to date, they’re still going to be best friends forever. And they still hang out and nothing really changes, but Newt starts realizing that he really likes Alby, like has a crush on him, so he finally admits it and Alby gets the biggest smile on his face and asks Newt if he can hug him, because Newt’s weird about physical affection because he’s trying to figure himself out, and Newt doesn’t answer he just hugs him.

AND THEN, then they get to college, they’re roommates and Newt spends a lot of time on the internet trying to figure out if there’s a name for the way he feels, and Alby comes back from his first class to find Newt crying in front of his laptop, and when he asks him whats wrong, Newt just points at the screen, where the word ‘Asexual’ is spelled out in black, purple, gray, and white. So Alby, being such a good boyfriend, finds out about an LGBTIA+ club on campus and he and Newt go to talk to other couples and Newt figures out that there are lots of different asexuals and Alby learns what not to do in his situation, because he can’t leave it all up to Newt to figure out how their relationship works.

And Newt never fully undresses in front of anyone ever, even in the locker room for gym, but he gets close with Alby. He’ll strip down to his underwear, but that’s as far as he goes, and Alby tells him he has a cute butt to see him blush, but when Newt tries to say something like that back, he messes up and blushes. Alby always kisses his cheek and tells him he’s cute no matter what, and they snuggle and if Newt’s in a particularly good mood he’ll ask for a kiss. And when Newt’s stressed about something, because sex is obviously a no go, Alby’ll lay him down on the bed and trace his fingers up and down his back until he’s falling asleep, but Newt pulls him to lay down too so they can snuggle.

And oblivious to flirting Newt is the best, so he doesn’t notice when people flirts with him, but Alby does, and he pulls Newt into his lap and glares at everyone while Newt looks up at him in confusion because ‘We were having a very nice conversation, Alby,’ AND for the obligatory angst, Newt gets touchy and upset when people flirt with Alby because he thinks Alby thinks there’s something missing from their relationship. So sometimes he gets really clingy but other times he gets really distant, and at first Alby was so confused and out of the loop that he had to talk to Minho because Newt just absolutely would not speak to him, and Minho’s pissed because someone’s fucking with his bff. But Alby’s like ‘Whoa, man, idk what the problem is, that’s what I need to know,’ So they work out a plan together which was really very elaborate, but Alby comes home to find Newt asleep in one of Alby’s shirts, and Newt wakes up with Alby spooning him and everything’s okay.

Oh my god that was so long and so ridiculous, anon, I’m so sorry, lol

[skull-bearer]

Something with Trans!Hermann/Cis!Newt?

Hermann deletes the emails unread, but even the subject lines jump out at him- 

glad you are finally putting this idiocy behind you

past time for you to grow up

a good man to knock some sense into you

Hermann deletes them all, slams the laptop down, and hunches on the bed; his hands flex, clench unclench with the urge to punch something;

Newt is already in the lab when he comes in, “Hey babe;”

Newt has a thousand names for him, babe, gorgeous, sweetie and when he’d first thrown one out Hermann had flinched- had he guessed?

But nothing else changed; oh, Newt held his hand when they walked, they had their little, crushed dates snatched between emergencies; the fragments of a relationships they could manage under the war;

And the pet names- well, Hermann had never been called them before, and after the fear had died, they were- almost welcome, little reminders that he has someone;

Someone he loves;

Newt glances up; “You okay?”

Hermann shakes his head before he’s even aware of it; Newt gets up, peels his gloves off, “Herms-”

Hermann closes the distance, rests his head on Newt’s shoulder, gets a hug; “My father-”

“Oh hell;” Newt hugs him tighter, “You can reroute it through my laptop if you want- I don’t care;”

Hermann tenses; no; “I’d rather you didn’t see;”

“Homophobic jackass, yeah-”

Among other things, “Yes;”

“Fuck him;” Newt lifts his head, and kisses him, soft and sweet;

Hermann kisses him back, Newt cradles his head, and smiles;

He’s lucky, he’s so very, very lucky; Newt understands about him- is like him in one way, if not another;

He doesn’t need to know; even if they end up sleeping together- all Hermann needs to do is pack and wear at least a pair of briefs; his surgery has healed well across his chest, the scars hidden in the fine hairs there;

Hermann closes his eyes in Newt’s arms; he can be himself, with Newt; he can be himself forever and ever.

[newtiegotbooty]

Yes please please please talk more about asexual newt???

Oh! Okay, I can do that. I hadn’t really thought much about it before the post I made, lol, but I guess I have a few headcanon type things.

(This turned out A LOT longer than I thought it would)

So how about, like, in college or high school maybe, he sees all these people together and his friends talk about sex and he’s like ‘That doesn’t sound appealing at all,’ which then morphs into ‘Why am I the only one that doesn’t like sex?’ And maybe he dates a few people, who somehow all end up wanting sex, because lbr, Newt’s a hottie. But he puts it off and puts it off and he doesn’t understand what he feels, because obviously he knows the well known sexualities, (het/bi/homo) but he doesn’t really fit into any of those categories. And maybe he’s scared no one will love him and want to be with him because he’s a freak and a weirdo who doesn’t want to have sex, the angst is optional, and maybe someone (Thomas perhaps) tells him about these meetings or a club for LGBTIA+ and Newt’s like ‘What the fuck do all those letters stand for?’ but he goes and they’re talking about all these different sexualities that he didn’t know existed and then they get to asexualty, and he’s like ‘That’s me! That’s totally me!’ And he feels so much better about himself because he finally feels normal, and all these other people are just like him. And he starts talking to other ace people and learning that they’re all different even if they all refer to themselves as ace, like one likes to have sex with their partner to make them feel good, and another won’t have sex with anyone but is happy to help their partner get off, and some people that don’t like any physical affection (kissing) and some that do, and he’s so relieved that he finally fits in somewhere. And maybe later on he gets a boyfriend (let’s refer to him as Minho because I’m minewt trash) and he’s nervous about telling Minho because he’s a really good lay and he’s scared Minho won’t want to be with him. Maybe Minho’s bi maybe he’s just gay, idk, and they’re sitting there watching a movie or eating together or something and Newt’s all fidgety and Minho’s looking at him like ‘wtf?’ and he just blurts out ‘I’m asexual!’ and Minho looks at him for a second, shrugs, and goes, ‘okay.’ And Newt stares at him because, ‘that’s all he has to say? okay?!’ But Minho’s very supportive of him and always makes sure whatever he’s doing is okay with Newt, because he’s a nerd and they love each other.

AND, maybe Newt’s totally oblivious to people flirting with him, so he’s out with his friends and some girl (or guy)’s like ‘Hey, what are you doin’ later?’ *wink wink* and Newt’s like ‘Probably gonna go home and do homework’ And this person’s not so subtly saying they want to fuck and Newt’s like ‘wut?’ when later Alby or Thomas is like ‘Dude, they were totally hitting on you.’ Or girls getting really close and like essentially sitting on his lap and pressing all against him, he’s like ‘Can you not? That’s really weird and uncomfortable.’ And they’re like personally offended that he didn’t want to bang them and maybe Thomas chases after them like ‘Wait! I’ll do you!’

And Newt’s like a huge cuddler, like he just burrows right against his SO’s side and nuzzles under their chin, and sometimes they’re really confused like ‘Are you trying to get me riled up or?’ And he’s like ‘I just want to cuddle.’ with his big brown eyes and they just melt, and cuddle the hell out of him for as long as he wants. And he loves forehead kisses, and having his hair played with, so when his partner wants to distract him from his homework all they have to do is start playing with his hair, and he comes right to them and curls up against them. ‘Don’t stop,’ he’ll complain when they stop, and nine times out of ten he’ll fall asleep in their lap. And to wake him up they nuzzle his face and kiss his forehead and he looks up at them and they swear to ever deity known to man that Newt is the most precious human being in the universe.

I had a lot more to say than I thought I did, anyway, I hope you like it anon, and I hope it isn’t too long for you

[newtiegotbooty]

Anon, I hope you will be happy with this giant fucking rant about ace!Newt