#ace question

[aceofbays]

Sorry to be a bother, but I think I might be biromantic ace. I was talking to a female friend and I just realized that I might have romantic feelings for her. Like I want to kiss her and protect her but I've never been with a girl in a relationship before but i have thought of girls in a dating way. Does this make me biromantic? Thank you! :)

You are not a bother, please don’t ever feel like you are, we love each and every one of our followers and the fact you took time to message us makes me very happy. 

Well, the way you describe it, it may very well be that you are biromantic, based on the fact that you seem to be experiencing some degree of same-gender-attraction. Now neither me, nor anyone other then yourself can ultimately say what you feel comfortable with identifying as, thus I can’t tell you with certainty if you are biromantic, but I can say it would be a perfectly valid way to describe your feelings based on your experience of attraction. 

TLDR; In short yes, you could definitley consider yourself and identify as biromantic if you choose to do so.

Please remember whatever label you chose to adopt or not adopt, your identity is valid and you are loved and appreciated as an individual. 

Feel free to direct message or inbox us with more questions or just to chat. 

– V

[aceofbays]

Okay, I've always thought of myself as bisexual until recently, and I'm starting to think I might be ace because I don't enjoy sexual things very if at all, but I'm confused I'll do sexual things for my partner and I can even be somewhat aroused for a bit. So, could I still be ace or am I just not with the right person? Please help I'm so confused!

Okay, so I used to also think I was bisexual, until I discovered asexuality was a thing so firstly you are not alone. 

Anyways, arousal and attraction are two very different things, arousal is mainly physical, it’s a reaction to neurotransmitters our body produces as a response to certain stimuli, it has little or nothing to do with attraction, the lack of which classifies asexuality. So just because you are physically capable of having sex or being aroused and may experience some degree of satisfaction or enjoyment on a physical level is not necessarily indicative of whether or not you are asexual. 

If you do not feel like you are attracted to you partner sexually there is a chance you just don’t find them attractive but may find someone else to be so. In this case I assume you are fairly certain that you have experienced sexual attraction before and just don’t experience it currently.

If you are under the impression that you don’t really know what sexual attraction feels like or are fairly certain that you have never experienced it, there’s a good chance you don’t experience it and thus are in fact asexual. Most people describe sexual attraction as a feeling that can only be interpreted as such, a distinctive sensation coupled with an emotional or physical response, so if you cannot pinpoint an instance where you experienced that or these experiences are so wide and far that you cannot recall more then a handful of times chances are you are on the ace spectrum. 

I really hope this response was somewhat helpful, please feel free to send another message if you have more thoughts or questions on the topic. 

- V

[aceofbays]

Found this blog and love it because 'hey isn't this blog rather specific to my interests' Ace feel I wonder if anyone can relate with is the 'I'm ace, not sure if aro or demi as well I guess a relationship could be nice but I don't feel that strongly drawn to anyone, wait maybe I could be pan? Also dangit realising I've never had any romantic experience is not helping working this out'

(part 2) I think to elaborate on the 'wait I could be pan?' thing, it's like the whole 'I guess I'd like a relationship' thing but don't feel that strongly drawn to anyone but it's like 'In a way I don't think I'd mind what gender they are?' so sometimes I'm a bit like Bi? Pan? but I haven't really felt anything for anyone of any gender other than like 'Ooh they're pretty' or 'Hey they seem a nice person' so it's all kinda confusing imo

(Answer) Hey, first of glad you like our blog, we try to be a s inclusive and open as possible towards people of all orientations and identities.

Now experience is not always relevant in determining orientation, we usually know what we identify as based on what we are looking for in an interpersonal relationship, whether platonic, romantic or sexual in nature. If you have ever felt like you were attracted to close friends in a romantic way that could be a giveaway that you are demi, especially if these feeling tend to occur at some point in many of your friendships, you may or may not want to act on them, again this is not relevant, the fact they are there and only develop under these circumstances are a good indication of being demi.

If you feel like you are attracted to both or all genders, regardless of the time you have known a person, for example if you think things like. “Wow, that person i cute, I wish I could have a relationship with them (of any nature)” you are likely pan or bi, the differences between the two are mostly a personal difference or preference, really just what sounds like it better fits your personal perception of people, gender and identity.  

Lastly, if you think you do not feel neither sexual nor romantic of attraction towards anyone, it could be you are aro, which again does not mean you are not capable of still feeling attraction to people on levels that are not romantic or sexual, for example, platonic, or aesthetic attraction are things that a lot of ace people have, whether they identify with a romantic orientation or as aromantic or do not subscribe to split attraction as a model at all. 

Hope this answered some of your questions, please feel free to send us more questions or message us if you would like to talk to someone about this. 

Cheers, V.

[aceofbays]

Okay question to all our aces out there, do you guys use the word sexy? If so what do you take it to mean? If anything?

I have been wondering about this for so long as I feel whenever I use it it seems to confuse other people as my definition does not align with theirs usually. 

[insert-rad-blog-name]

hello lgbtq+ friends, can someone educate me pls? So I know some ace people are aromantic, while some aren't. Which makes sense to me because romance and sexual attraction aren't mutually exclusive. But I've recently heard some don't mind sex, which confused me... I thought asexual mean no sexual attraction? I'm most likely misinformed. I like hearing definitions from people (typically ones with experience), cause I feel like dictionary definitions don't always cover the full picture.

[demonsoup]

Hey tumblr how do you tell your parents that you're actually ace instead of the thing you thought you were before?

[societysonlooker]

Ok help me out here? throw me a bone? how do non Ace people fall in love/infatuation??? like, attraction has little to do with the people i wind up with, sure, i go for people who are certainly pretty to me, but that doesnt mean that they’re “attractive” in the conventional sense, i may just really like their aesthetic. but like, if your not ace, are you more interested in learning about/pursuing a relationship with someone who you’re attracted to first? like I know the different between ace and allo obvi but i dont really know how that affects relationships and pursuing them. cause apparently my romance sub plots are tentative and cautious? and at the same time i never understood dating in tv and when my friends would date so pls help this confused individual, (me)