"It doesn't have to end this way."
frustration wants to scream, but it stays silent. doesn’t have to end this way ? says whom ? such an optimistic approach —— & desperate. say what you will about seidou takizawa . . . about owl . . . but desperation abandons his immediate disposition.
after all, you can’t be desperate for something if want for something is dead. —— of course he still wants. he wants not to want . . . & desperation makes its consequent perch internally. frustration wants to scream, but seidou bids that it stay silent. however, he cannot prevent frustration’s speaking with the quirk of his brow & the curl of his lip.
BUT HE DEFERS. bemusement turns to a sullen demeanor as he casts his gaze to creep upon the broken figure of a deadman who wears a hole torn into his stomach … & into his neck. his blood has begun to paint the ground. it’s an unfortunate art, but the death had been quick. it is a waste, though … there had been no time to eat in the midst of this blood feast.
even so, his appetite is empty. he glances broadens to the collage of bodies scattered him; they litter the ground & make the air fragrant with the scent of sweat & blood & heat & smoke. tatara brought fire, brought the heat . . . & granted seidou the opportunity for shaky hope until seidou murdered it alongside these surrounding dead.
HE DOESN’T HAVE JUSTICE ON HIS SIDE, YOU KNOW — which is why you need remember how different they are, amon & he. LIFE & DEATH & DEATH & DEATH & whatever you may say, seidou is not dead yet. just defeated. & amon is desperate, but he is also VICTORIOUS. amon koutarou is a man born into strength & victory & sin & redemption. for these traits, seidou admires him. he hates him. SO SELF RIGHTEOUS even though he got to escape, & —
seidou can’t shake the feeling that the escape made no difference in where things are now. even if he had escaped too, he ( a weak & corroded man ) would still be beyond help. & so teeth grind. fingers snap. hollow voice voice echoes the sound : ‘ of course it does. it has to be this way. but everything’s gotta be about trying & helping & doing the right thing with you . . . it makes no difference to me. come off it. ‘
besides, what would you have him do ?