#active state

[lostinthebifrost-blog1]

[lostinthebifrost-blog1]

It’s funny how it takes just one small thing like a comment— not even anything important or memorable to remind me I am just the same: not anything important or memorable and quite easy to replace

[lostinthebifrost-blog1]

thanks for making me feel like shit because trying my hardest isn’t good enough for the school system thanks i already know i’m a failure please stop

[lostinthebifrost-blog1]

don’t???? jokingly tell me to take care of you???? I’ve taken care of enough people in my lifetime already I’ve raised three kids from when they were about a year or two old to when they were six I’ve had to deal with the monster that used to live here I’ve had to deal with the jackasses who came after that I’m?? not??? going to coddle you????? At this point in my life it’s my turn to take care of myself???? I don’t care that it’s supposed to be a joke and that you supposedly didn’t mean it I don’t care don’t fucking do it I don’t tell jokes apart from normal speech easily and even if I did I still wouldn’t be laughing jfc let me focus on me and the things that are important to me you’re like four times my age take care of your own self and leave me alone you’re literally making me so uncomfortable that it’s dragging my hypervigilance into overdrive and bringing out intrusive memories please stop I choose who I’m willing to take care of this point I’m not letting someone else make that decision for me right now

[lostinthebifrost-blog1]

I!!!!! feel!!!!!! so!!!!!!!! fucking!!!!!!! invalid!!!!!!!!!!! i want to scREAM 

[lostinthebifrost-blog1]

remembering things from childhood while trying to look through relatable blogs and it’s just like : ))))) @   brain thanks fr the overload  

[lostinthebifrost-blog1]

my psychosis seems to be acting up tonight and i’m not really quite sure why but im... feeling kind of on the edge of an anxiety or panic attack but still here enough to differentiate what i’m seeing/feeling from what is Real so at least that’s good 

[lostinthebifrost-blog1]

I wish I hadn't crawled back to you in some of my weaker moments. I don't know how to get away again now. It's been barely over a week and I regret trying to patch things up because you're already doing things that remind me why I tried to cut off our friendship.