#actually derealized

[existing-in-nonexistence]

I can't stay present

[existing-in-nonexistence]

Me: I know I should want to get better. I hope everyone with this gets better and heals from it. I know it's not a good thing to have. I know this with every fiber of my being. So why don't I *want* to get better?

Brain: dissociation is literally a coping mechanism. Of course you don't want to lose your most effective way of dealing with stress, even if it's not good to have. It's a way of protecting yourself, you can't be blamed for wanting to hold onto it.

Me: ...

Me: ...

Me: u right

[existing-in-nonexistence]

I know my hands are mine

But is the wall just beyond my reach real too?

And what about the other buildings just outside my window?

[existing-in-nonexistence]

This world isn't real

Let's notexist together

I wish I could feel my soul in my body

Are these my own hands?