Lemme just be transparent and vulnerable for a moment. For the people who are my friends or care.
If you think I quite literally want to be a pick me, you’re wrong. It was entirely a front for the anon hate I got and a coping mechanism for the fact I am called one.
My behavior has improved to not be this way over the years, but as of recently I realize I have been regressing from my progress.
I do not mean to be inconsiderate, I do not want to seem self centered when in reality I love everyone else more than I’ll ever love myself. it has always been that way.
I won’t sit here and lie to you and say anon hate didn’t affect me at all. I am a super sensitive person and more specifically recently. I used to not care and not be this emotional, but now it genuinely kills me inside to the point I’m making this post.
My whole life I just wanted to be liked and loved, and sat here wondering why I don’t feel like I’m doing it right. I doubt I would withstand my own attention seeking traits if I faced myself, and it’s no wonder I can’t like myself. I am not a version of myself that I would like on someone else.
I am way too self aware to continue making people “deal” with me while being scared of people not liking me. It doesn’t benefit anyone and especially won’t benefit me.
I need to learn how to be my own person again, and stop choosing one person to define my whole existence. I am my own being with my own thoughts and feelings.
I am flawed, and yes I do need help. I am not going to sit here and pretend I don’t know anything, I’m not stupid and I need to stop lowering myself to that level.
my tumblr activity may be less, as this platform has really opened my eyes to how affected I am due to my life and circumstances. I used this platform way too openly, and only a month ago did I start feeling way too vulnerable.
I’m sorry to the people who had to put up with my obnoxious attitude and just overall actions. I can be a better person than this, and I will put in the effort to be a version of me I can actually love.
