#adam cox

[carlando]

Andy and Adam doing some stretching, as usual.

[w0rldsforgottenb0y]

The Exploding Hearts

[w0rldsforgottenb0y]

The Exploding Hearts

[breakingtheboycode]

Boys may privately feel sure of themselves, and what they think. But that doesn’t mean they can articulate themselves well enough to demonstrate their intelligence or perspective. This leads to self-consciousness and a feeling of vulnerability. It’s a natural human instinct to hunker down and protect that vulnerability, and boys do that by talking less and opting out of ambiguous social interactions—like when they’re going to be asked questions for which they have no clear answers. The most important thing we can do if we want to increase boys’ conversational courage is to minimize the vulnerability they feel.

Adam Cox, Cracking the Boy Code: How to Understand and Talk With Boys

[breakingtheboycode]

Boys are as emotionally complex as everyone else. The problem is that much of this complexity never seems to make it to the surface—to their faces and voices—where we can detect and respond. Instead, boys’ emotions stay locked away in a place where neither they nor we can benefit. […] This could be from fear, anxiety, lack of confidence, social deficits or something else. Whatever the cause, the question becomes how to allow the full complexity of a person to surface. In psychology, we call this sort of thing alexithymia, which translates from Greek as without words for emotion. A better term is dyslexithymia, which means problems with words for emotion. I can’t say I’ve ever met a boy who has absolutely no words for emotion, but I’ve met many who could use a few more.

Adam Cox, Cracking the Boy Code: How to Understand and Talk With Boys

[breakingtheboycode]

It isn’t enough just to care about boys, or to be committed to helping them. We should translate those good intentions into visible signals that boys can readily understand as signs of acceptance and calm.

Adam Cox, Cracking the Boy Code: How to Understand and Talk With Boys

[breakingtheboycode]

Begin with genuine inquiry. Remain open-minded and flexible, responding to what is said. Ask real questions and avoid assuming you know how they will be answered.

[…]

An important reason for remaining flexible and open-minded is that the thinking of boys tends to be idiosyncratic. Not only do their perspectives reflect unique aspects of their personality, but also unique interpretations of various situations. When it comes to judging the behavior of boys, we may be challenged to separate our judgment of the behaviour from the thinking that spurred the behavior. In other words, a person can be wrong in their actions but may have made that choice with legitimate concerns or anxieties in mind. When we want to correct behavior, we’re better off empathizing with the thinking and emotions that precipitated those actions, before we rush to judge and reprimand poor choices.

Adam Cox, Cracking the Boy Code: How to Understand and Talk With Boys

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