My father's son
As I sit down here all alone in the dark
on this dirty floor, I start to wonder if it is going
to be my inevitable destiny to finally become
my father's son, so full of anger and disgust
for not turning out how he wanted me to be
for in his eyes I am nothing but a failure who
could never get it right, always shaking his
head when I come into his sight telling
my mother to ask me a question
while he
is standing right there in front of me " what
the hell did he do this time" then walking away
making me feel so little like I just
committed a
heinous crime against humanity for just
being born, causing me to hate my own life so
now I just want to go get high picking up
the pipe rolling it like I am playing dice
with my demons gambling for my soul
with my life watching my dreams being
completely destroyed as I watch the reflection
of my pitiful self against the backdrop
of all the rising smoke while I am drowning
in a sea of deep regret and sorrow
telling
myself just tonight it will be the last time
then I will quit tomorrow, but I never do
because to tell the truth I am an addict
living proof of a diblitating disease with no
cure screaming for help but never sure if it
will ever come as I start to go numb so
afraid that I will succumb one day to the evil
from who it is I run from hiding in the darkness
of the rising sun hating me, myself and I
always trying hard to remember in my mixed
up mind to never forgive who I have
finally become just like it was the hands of
fate for being destined to be what I have always
been in my pitifull wasted and even pathetic
life in which I live every single day waking up
in the morning then looking in the mirror at
my reflection of the man that I now am and who
he said I would become for I am now as I
have always been my father's son.
Poet Richard M Knittle Jr.
A Poet's Journey