#addie rambles

[pro-missedagain]

Been feeling slightly less horrible, so we're taking a gamble and posting thoughts that come to me that might one day turn to fics/part of fics cause I'm tired of keeping them to myself.

So random MadHel hc ig...

Set whenever, just assuming their bodies work somewhat normally.

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──

Helen loves taking Madeline to the beach and tries to do so as often as she can. Whatever anxiety Hel has about being in a bathing suit evaporates the moment she sees Mad in her own. Because no matter how much sunscreen Mad slathers on (or Hel slathers on her :3), by sunset, Hel knows Mad's freckles will have doubled in number.

Everywhere! Across her nose. Shoulders. That one stripe across her lower back where her swimsuit tie sits.

So they have a ritual. Get home, wash the salt off, and collapse in bed together. Mad lies there, hair still damp, wearing Hel's softest t-shirt, old and raggedy and obviously well-loved. She's already falling asleep.

She's warm and golden and Helen's. All that sunlight she soaked up that day belongs to Hel now. Every last ray. And all Hel can do is curl around her like a flower turning toward her own personal sun. All Hel can do is pull her closer.

Hel's fingertips start tracing, and she starts counting. She knows the permanent ones by heart: the three on Mad's left collarbone, the one shaped almost like a heart below her ribs, the constellation across her knuckles. She kisses each one as she finds it.

Old friend... Old friend...

Over here? No, that's new. Kiss.

That one got darker. Longer kiss.

You got sun here, of all places?! Soft laugh. Kiss.

She finds one on Mad's wrist that wasn't there this morning. Presses her lips to it.

By the time she's done, she's kissed every single one she could find.

By the time she's done, Mad is asleep.

But Hel stays awake a little longer. Just counting.

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──

Companion fic to Mapping Constellations? Mayhaps. One day. Someone remind me 🫩

[gothictickles]

How I be feeling lately 🤌🏻

[foxesofthesunarchive]

Did I just watch the first season of never I have ever on one sitting today. Yes correct and I am so proud of my beautiful queen Devi Vishwakumar. Also Ben is such a babe. Him and Devi are so cute and beautiful as a slow burn lovestory bye. Paxton is such a cutie pie as well. I just hope that the love triangle will end soon. Every single character is so well-written and likeable I just love them all. This new comedy drama TV show is so good I can't deal.

[addie-bear]

So all the talk about shoes tempted me to go shopping and well...

I have new favorite pair of shoes...

[radishon]

nothing makes my heart as warm as when I talk about hockey and my friends who aren't hockey fans listen and appreciate my favorite players because they know they make me happy

[pro-missedagain]

You know how Viola and Lisle have had every job imaginable in madhel fics?

Now I’m picturing them constantly quitting, moving to new places, and taking new jobs just to escape madhel’s drama...

But somehow, those two idiots always track them down and drag them right back into their chaos 🤣

I can just imagine Viola landing a new job in a whole new state, managing some artist or something...

And on her very first day, she opens the door to meet her new client... only to find Madeline sitting there, grinning at her like an idiot 😁

[pro-missedagain]

Some more of my MadHel ramblings cause I can't stop thinking about them...

I love the transformation that happens in Helen and Madeline after they kill one another. Ironically, even though they're dead, it's like they can both breathe again.

The playfulness of Hit Me (especially the Chicago version) really gives us a glimpse of what their friendship must've been like when they were younger, before shit hit the fan. They just click. I feel like it's one of those moments where you truly go 'Ohhh that's why they're friends'. They match one another's energy really well. And while they were always complementary characters, their edges get softened, allowing them to finally fit together properly, especially since now they're on even footing.

Then, when the rush from Hit Me fades and after Ernest has fixed them up, there's another shift. Helen goes from hyper-seductive and borderline unhinged to a calmer, lovelier Helen, that's more like the version of her we see pre-potion. Meanwhile, Madeline feels entirely new. She's almost completely shed the narcissistic shell she'd had on, and she's also no longer the desperate version from Falling Apart.

In those moments, you really see them mellow. And it's largely because they're together and on the same side again, finally. They're on the same level, in the same predicament, with the same goal... and they can breathe.

When it's just the two of them now, Hel has no problem being vulnerable. She doesn't need to act or compete when she knows Mad's not out to hurt her. And Madeline feels safe enough to let the facade drop. She becomes this almost bubbly, adorable person – the real version of her we didn't get to see before. Her charm now feels sincere rather than calculated.

They feel calmer, and we, as an audience, feel calmer, as well, knowing that no matter what happens next, whether they find a solution or not, whether Ernest stays or not, these two are in it together forever.

[pro-missedagain]

More of my madhel rambles... 😁 Long one ahead!

I love how complex both Madeline and Helen are. However, I feel like I'm in the minority when I say I find Madeline a tinsy bit less complex.

Don’t get me wrong — she has depth, but once you understand that her whole persona is performance and deflection for her insecurity (sprinked with her obsession with Helen), her actions become remarkably predictable. She’s layered, but she’s consistent: she reacts the same way in year 1 as in year 10, and her drives (validation, beauty, control, love even) don’t really change, nor do the ways she goes about achieving them.

I also think this is why Madeline is stronger. This consistency where she’s built a system (the diva persona) allows her to survive (although not completely unscathed) in the cutthroat world of showbiz where Helen would shatter.

Helen is different. Her complexity isn't in maintaining a mask; it's in her lack of one. What sets her apart is that her transformations are real. She adapts to survive, forces herself to endure painful relationships, and changes her very core to navigate her life. She plays around with ideas like taking/not taking her medication, for example, to please others. It's also why I think Ernest was such a relief for her — his apathy meant she didn't need to change herself as much.

Anyways, Helen begins already mentally unwell, spirals to institutionalization, and later decides murder is the answer — not just anyone’s murder, but her best friend’s, the person she loves most. The breaking it takes to get someone to that point is staggering.

And then there’s her arc. Helen is torn down and rebuilt over and over: Pre-breakdown Helen, post-institution Helen, post-murder-plot Helen — each feels like a different person, yet each is authentic. It doesn't feel like a performance because it’s not; this is who she's really become. So it may seem like emotional transparency or "wearing her heart on her sleeve," but it isn't. It's a complete inability to regulate her emotions or construct a stable identity, especially one that is separate from Madeline. That cycle of destruction and reinvention makes her unpredictable and, in my opinion, more complex than Madeline’s steady mask. It's also why her character scares me a little 😆.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is:

Madeline's complexity is strategic and externalized. Her profound internal struggle with insecurity and self-worth is so overwhelming that she projects it outward, using control over her image and her world as a shield. The "diva" is a fortress she built to protect a deeply wounded core. The complexity is in the brilliant, calculated performance.

Helen's complexity is psychological and internalized. Her profound internal struggle consumes her from the inside out. She lacks a defensive shell, so the pain doesn't get projected—it implodes. The complexity is in the terrifying, unpredictable transformation that occurs with each breakdown.

You can even see this reflected in fanfic. Authors tend to latch onto a single version of Helen and stick with it for the whole story. Some portray her as poor, defenseless Helen, while others go all-in on bitchy, unhinged Helen. It’s rare to see both sides explored in one fic because capturing her entire range is so challenging (and is something I struggle with as well when writing her). That alone speaks volumes about her depth.