#adelineatkinson

[susiematherson1]

favorite not in the house?

“Go away, you already know the answer to that. I miss her.” 

[susiematherson1]

dear addie;; 

You're not here. Wow... you're not here. I never thought I would have to say those words but they're true. You're not here because I broke your heart. I broke your heart because I was being so selfish. I never thought of myself like that, you know? All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. I wanted to do whatever I could just to bring a smile to your face. Which reminds me, the flowers... I might have accidentally... No, I destroyed them all. I couldn't keep looking at tulips and lilies... heh. It’s just a reminder of everything I gave up.  I guess what I'm saying is that I just wanted you. That's all I wanted. And then everything happened. I don't know why it did. Or how I let it. I don't know how I let the most amazing person I have ever known go. I miss you so much. They say that it's supposed to get easier, but every day hurts worse. Since you've been gone, I've not been myself. I wasn't before you left... but I'm definitely not now. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who I am without you which is probably a very bad thing. I used to know who I was. I knew what I believed in and then you happened. I'm so lost without you. Everything hurts so much and you're the one person I want to reach out to, but you're not there. You're not in bed beside me right now. You're thousands of miles away, and I just want to hold you and to make you smile. I miss how you always smell like flowers and your sunkissed cheeks. My pillow... it's starting to lose it’s scent. It doesn’t smell very much like you anymore. I don't know what I'm going to do when it’s gone because that's all I have left besides Aden or those rings. Those stupid rings,  I don't want them. I'm never going to be able to give them to anyone else because they were meant for us. I think maybe they still are just not right now. I know I said I didn't regret anything that had happened but I do. If I could take it back, I would. I just want you back. God, I just want you and you're not here...  I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I will always love you, Your Lily

[susiematherson1]

I'm so sorry... Just know that I love you. Always. - Addie

[text] I wish you would come back. I miss you so much. I love you.

[susiematherson1]

I've barely been gone and I miss you more than anything. - Addie

[text]... Addie?? What are you doing? You're only making this harder.

[ameliatreadwell]

I couldn't stay here and watch her fall in love with someone else. I'm sorry. - Addie

[text]: oh, addie... i'm coming to see you soon.

[ameliatreadwell]

Not exactly happy, but I'll get there one day - Addie

[text]: Addie... You should have talked to me instead of just leaving. Whatever it is, I could have helped you through it.

[ameliatreadwell]

I needed to get away. I'm sorry that I left as soon as we seemed to be getting back on track but I just couldn't stay. You and Kez are wonderful together, I'm glad you're happy. Visit me sometime yeah? - Addie

[text]: ... oh, okay. I’m not sure what the hell I’m supposed to say, dude. I hope you’re happy, yeah? 

[susiematherson1]

Dear my beautiful Lily;

I honestly think this is the hardest think this is the one of the most painful things that I’ve ever had to do. Losing my leg was extremely hard, but I learned to cope with it. I think learning to cope without you is going to be even harder.

I am so crazy about you. I’ve never loved anyone as much or in the way I love you. You came into my life and made me the happiest girl in the world.  I genuinely thought we were going to grow old together, which is insane right? We only met last year yet you mean the absolute world to me. I will never love anyone the way I love you. Nothing would make me happier than marrying you and raising kids with you, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.

I don’t want to be the one who stands in the way of how you feel about Victoria. I know you always tell me not to worry and that you love me and I believe that. But I don’t think it’s healthy for either of us to be in a relationship when you’re falling for someone else. I don’t blame you, I don’t. I understand that the heart works in mysterious ways and I’m not angry. 

I hate that that I have to do this. I don’t even know how I’ve gotten this far. I’ve had to restart many times because my tears keep ruining the paper. I adore you, Susie. You’re the most beautiful girl in the world and one day you’re going to find someone who makes you even happier than I ever could. I want that for you. You’re my entire world, and someone out there is going to feel that way about you just like I do. Don’t ever forget how special you are to me.

I’m leaving Aden with you because he formed more of a bond with you than he did with me. He’s our son, make sure he knows I love him… even if he did ruin my favourite shirt. I’m also leaving you the rings attached to the chain that were left next to the letter. Originally they were going to be ours, but now I want you to use them when you find the one for you. The one who owns your heart the way you own mine. It was too hard to face you, because I know I would’ve backed out of this, but it’s what’s best for you. You’ll no longer have someone to hold you back. Moms and Ray were originally going to come for a trip, but I’ve told them to call it off because I’m going home.

If you ever find yourself in Melbourne, please come say hello. 

Goodbye, Susie. I’ll love you always.

- Your Tulip.