Y’all, listen to this bull. Okay, so, our dorm is a 4 person dorm. It’s in a ‘H’ shape. Now, we are in our second year, but last year, we also had a 4 person dorm, with the same 2 people. Me and Admin Vygotsky are the 2 who are currently living in the back area of our dorm, while our other 2 roomates (We’re gonna call them He-Man and Turkey for reasons) So, Me, Vygotsky, and Turkey all went to school together. He-Man was a random, but they’re pretty alright compared to Turkey. He-Man is kinda awkward and not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, but they offer to help buy stuff, including food if we need help. Basically: Good roommate. Respects boundaries and all that too if you just tell them.
Turkey on the other hand, nah. So, let’s talk about freshman year. We all moved in, everything was going all right. Originally, we thought about bunking all 4 beds in the back to make a living room. I was first one there, and realized the space was bigger than we had thought, and messaged them letting them know they may not need to bunk. Turkey was REALLY set on bunking, so her and Vygotsky Tried it while I kept my bed unbunked, and He-Man kept theirs up front. Well, long story short, after the first night, Vygotsky’s allergies were really bad and the air conditioning didn’t really reach that high (They had top bunk). She told Turkey she wanted to unbunk the beds, and let Turkey go up front. Vygotsky had been the 2nd one to come in, then Turkey and He-man, so it mad sense that Vygotsky got to stay in the back. Also, Turkey’s bed had come from the front sense Vygotsky picked the back room when they got there. Well, Turkey unbunked, but for whatever reason decided to keep their bed in the back. So, we had 3 beds smashed up in the back like a hut.
It stayed like that all year. Long story short, me and Vygotsky wanted to die.
On top of this, they hardly ever helped buy basic supplies like toilet paper, paper towels, dish soap, things like that. This included pads. Like, she wanted me and Vygotsky to buy them, not her, but she wanted to just use them as pleased and not offer to buy the next box. When she DID buy something, it was the cheapest thing she could find. Ex: Over Christmas break, multiple times, all of us spoke and messaged each other confirming that we would be picking up a 24-36 roll of toilet paper. The day before we come back, I check to make sure she bought some and what does she say, “No one told me!!” and shows up with like, a 12 pack of the saddest toilet paper I’ve seen. She also forgot to buy silverware, and instead of buying it for literally less than 2 dollars, she decided it was totally fine to just use mine and Vygotsky’s. Nah.
She would also put left overs in the fridge for WEEKS and not eat them. We’d tell her to toss them and she’d be like, “Oh, no, I’m gonna eat that.” Literally saving half an inch of a drink. Also made Vygotsky drive them home every weekend and never gave them gas money. You get the picture.
Well, this year, like I said, same roommates. The reason we didn’t switch her off is because it’s a small campus, and it’s super awkward to tell someone who is technically your friend from school to leave. Plus her mom would complain nonstop. Here’s where it get’s interesting okay.
So, me and Vygotsky KNOW she is very much wanting to have all 3 of us in the back again. Vygotsky had told/hinted that no, it’s gonna be me and VanGogh in the back. She would argue about it the whole time. Our solution was to go and pay 100 bucks to move in on the 6th instead of the 11th. We didn’t tell them at all. This ensured that me and Vygotsky could set up our space in the back and she wouldn’t attempt to shove her belongings back there. (Trust me when I say, she would.)
So, the other 2 roommates moved in today. Me and Vygotsky just tell them that we got here SUPER early (like, 8am, since it was almost 1pm at this point) which was believable since Vygotsky had to go back to our hometown to go to work anyway around 2 (2 hour drive). When we moved in, we immediately put up a curtain to block off our back area. (we both love our privacy and are more introverts than anything, which is probably why we go well together). Vygotsky had 2 mini fridges. We put one back with us, and the other one up in the front for when they got there. Skipping past all the drama of them moving in and Turkey being triggered as fuck because He-man shifted their bed to make more room without asking while they were gone, me and Vygotsky were pretty content since they hadn’t tried to force themselves and their stuff on our side.
Well, I left to go talk to finical aid about an award while Vygotsky left to go to work, and wouldn’t be back until the day before classes. Now, I’m a passive agressive little shit and I’m VERY particular about my spaces. If there are 4 people, 2 halves to a dorm, than obviously, 2 person a side. If something is on someones side of the dorm, OBVIOUSLY IT’S THEIRS. When I got back from Finical aid, I went to our fridge to grab a drink and HEY WHAT DO YOU KNOW, Turkeys’ LEFT OVER FOOD (already) is in there. Excuse-fucking-me? You have a fridge on your side, I think not.
So, Turkey comes back and is talking to me and I just kinda go, “Yo, can you do me a favor?”
“Can you put your food in the other fridge? The one we gave you and He-man? This one is me and Vygotsky’s.” But the tone was more, “Get the fuck outta here”
She started to try and say the other one wasn’t cold, which is bullshit. I had cranked it up to like, 5/7 on there. I went over, opened it, and yo, there is ice on the freezer. I’m like, “Nah it’s fine it’s working lol there you go.” She kept saying she was afraid it was gonna stop working, that it wasn’t cold enough to keep her food from spoiling and how it was her food for the next 2 days. Okay, fun fact here: Our meal cards are activated. She don’t need the left overs to survive off of. She can literally go eat out on campus. Once she sees I don’t give a fuck, she starts complaining that me and Vygotsky have too many drinks in the other one. (Snapple, yoo-hoo’s and our creamer, wowie) So, I also had noticed she hadn’t went out and bought a little 97cent toothbrush holder. She didn’t last year either and had kept using Vygotsky’s. Me and Vygotsky are honestly not HAVING ANY OF IT this year. She’s got her sink with He-Man, me and Vygotsky got our sink. So, I came upstairs from the lobby.
She’s asleep. Vygotsky is messaging me, telling me, NAH, MOVE HER SHIT, NO. So, being the great roommate I am, I have these plastic cups that I bought with my dishes. I’ve never used these cups. I took her toothpaste and toothbrush and put it in there and moved it to her side. I then went ahead and added post it notes to me and Vygotsky’s side reading, “Vygotsky’s awesome side” and “VanGogh’s awesome side.”
I’ll tell you how that goes in the morning.