midnight fathoms | ajay & annie
[It’s been keeping her awake at night. That’s probably the only answer Annie needs on the topic of telling Ajay she’s trans, but when everything keeps you up at night it’s hard to prioritise. She knows it isn’t a big deal, except for the fact that she’s made it one by not mentioning it sooner, and last night she’d been totally sure that she’d mention it like, at breakfast or something.
Except she didn’t, because she got nervous and skipped breakfast, and she just kept putting it off until it was... she glances at her PDD. Yeah, an hour before she’s meant to meet him. Shit. Annie opens her wardrobe and scrutinises it, thinking about angsting over what to wear for twenty minutes -- where are the girls? Why is nobody here to tell her if the pleated blue skirt shows too much leg? But it would just be another procrastination tactic, and in the end she scuttles down the steps before she can talk herself out of it again.
She’d not been expecting Ajay to be right there in the common room, though, and she comes to a screeching halt. Because she’s been putting this conversation off, she’s not got a plan of what she’s going to say. So, she just opens her mouth and goes with the flow. It’s not like that’s ever shot her in the foot before.]
Uhh, Ajay, hi, I need to tell you something. And I’m going to start by saying that yes, there was a very pertinent moment that I could have brought this up but in the moment I thought it was your moment and didn’t want to steal your thunder so I didn’t do it then and then I was like, oh it’s weird I’ve not mentioned it, so I can’t do it now, so I kept not saying anything but I can’t hide it forever because like, I’d maybe like to get to the point where I can’t hide it from you and obviously at that point it would be like... completely psychotic that I’ve not brought it up. Did I mention that I’m trans yet? I can’t remember if I said it in there. But that’s the thing that I thought I should tell you, so I’ve done that now and like, obviously I understand if I’ve made it weird enough that we shouldn’t go out tonight, I mean I hope that’s not the case but I’m aware that this speaks of some very deep-seated issues and you know what they say about not sticking your--
[Annie brings herself to another screeching halt at this point.] Anyway, yeah, that’s what I wanted to say. I mean, actually I just wanted to say I was trans and I’m aware it’s a little weird I didn’t say earlier, the rest of it just kind of happened. So... sorry about that.
[Alright. Not a screeching halt, but a meandering epilogue. She’s definitely done now, though. ]