#adulthoodisscary

[thesebrokensongs]

finally moved out things are looking pretty great :)

[pyritethoughts]

02-19-15

So, I'm supposed to graduate in May. That's a bit overwhelming because I have no idea what I'm going to be doing on the other side.

Like... None. 

I've always said that I would just move wherever I want and do whatever because I have no problem working two jobs at 50+ hours a week. I've done that before and it would have been fine, but this thing called school kept getting in the way. Here we are 3 years later and I just feel like my life has no direction. Maybe it's just the weather.

Also, I'm back on Tinder because I don't seem to have time to meet people normally. 

[givemethedeetz]

how am i ready to be an adult and rent my own flat when I still have email addresses with xoxo in them

[connectingtothedots]

#2 To Mary

Dear Mary,

Obviously time goes by. I wish I'd not taken things for granted, and so worried of vague implications and to just live life to the fullest. Being scared takes us nowhere but inside our tiny little world and just around  that comfort zone of ours. Being aloof, worried and reserved became the invisible barrier for us to experience things and to live that sweet life we had imagined when we were little and were still imaginative.

I am saying, if, are you dare enough to out of the blue take your talent of dancing to the street with people passing by staring at you thinking you're high? Will you be confident enough to showcase your best artwork online or held a simple exhibition and eat strangers critical remarks and comments? Are you confident enough to let people/ strangers read stories that you wrote, and let them enter that whole new world inside your head? Are you skeptical, envious, hateful, spiteful towards people who live to the fullest and are less reserved, and living their dreams without any fear? And all the other things....

Again, time goes by. It does. I hate that it does. And it's going fast. When we were younger, we could have achieved more because we would be so fearless and we relied less on our logical thinking. As we entered adulthood, we became more reserved, anxious and so afraid of even tiny little consequences. Our heart is no longer our sole compass. Our brain does now. Is that a good thing? Is being scared of consequences a good thing?

I wish I was not scared of anything before, I have wasted my youth. I wish I was not scared to do all the creative bold ideas I had on my mind. And now, it's all about the money, and all the other things that an adult should care about. Job, even if it's not your dream job, you still wake up to it every morning because it pays your bill and your food, and your luxurious taste. Dream is nothing, now. Reality, is.

  p.s: I am still up this hour, not doing what I like (my passion), but doing things obligated to my teaching and my study (my job).

xxxsera