#aephilove

[floridasororitygirls-blog]

Welcome to Phi house 🏛💚 Happy #AEPhriday, AEPhis!!! #ufaephi #alphaepsilonphi #aephi #lml #aephilove (at University of Florida)

[ohheyitskelseyrae-blog]

Sorority life has always been something that I was really passionate about, but I definitely didn’t have the most conventional experience. I’ve seen a lot of tumblr posts from current collegians that reminded me of my past, so I thought maybe it would be of value for somebody to tell my story.

I went through sorority recruitment at UCSD in Fall 2007 (oh gosh, I am old) and received a bid to AEΦ. I am not Jewish (and actually a pretty decent percentage of my chapter wasn’t either, but it has that reputation nationally), so a lot of people tried to make me doubt that decision. I heard the “that’s just because no one else wanted you” or “it was just a pity bid. They don’t want you either”

I stuck with AEΦ though, and actually ended up making a lot of friends, and getting a great big.

Junior year came, I studied abroad, and came back Senior year, super excited to get back into sorority life.

At first everything was great. I got two perfect, lovely littles who I adore, was super involved in sorority events, and bonding with new sisters.

Then my grandpa passed away.

It hit me harder than I had expected, but I wasn’t worried because I knew I had my big to lean on…until I didn’t.

I just want to be clear that I’m not blaming her. I do have a tendency to get needy when things get rough, and I’m sure that she had her reasons. But even so, it was still a painful experience. I still remember the day when my big “left”. I mean, she never really went anywhere, but she might as well have because our big/lil relationship was over.

I cried for months. I didn’t understand (and still don’t fully understand) how you could go from being so close with someone, to not even being in their life anymore.

And most of all, I was angry. I was young, and dumb and blamed AEΦ for what my big did. I made some terrible decisions, and took things out on all the sisters who were still friends with my big. I pulled away from the sisters and the organization that had been such a big part of my college career.

Right after graduation, I continued on to grad school. One of my grad advisors was an advisor to a sorority on campus, and, after hearing my story, urged me to join a service sorority to “try again"at Greek life.

That’s when I joined ΓΣΣ, a community service sorority at UGA. ΓΣΣ is a wonderful organization, and even though I was that weird older MIT, they were so sweet and welcoming. I am still incredibly proud to be a member of Chi chapter.

But even though joining ΓΣΣ was one of the best decisions that I made, I still always felt like something was missing. It wasn’t fully the replacement that my advisor spoke about.

This year, I finally have come to terms with my bad relationship with my AEΦ big. It’s not AEΦ’s fault that I had that experience. And just because things didn’t end well, it doesn’t mean I can’t be proud of the chapter & organization that did give me so many happy times.

Yes, I would love to have a relationship with my Big again. I will always be proud of her, and cherish the memories that we had. But until that day (which may never come, to be completely honest), I have learned to be content and to be okay with that things actually aren’t okay.

So, yes, I didn’t have a typical or ideal sorority experience, but I still wear my letters with pride. I can be a proud AEΦ and ΓΣΣ, and that is okay

[ohheyitskelseyrae-blog]

Big & little craft pages make me wish I could take more littles just to spoil them! 🎀🎨💚❤️