#4 愛だけが私の生きる意味生きる力すべてなのに、愛だけが私を前へと強く突き動かしてた Love is the only reason I have to live, and love is the only thing that keeps me moving forward (愛だけが) from this prompt list info on Alex and Mihael here and here
cw: vague references to eating disorders and suicidal ideation
No one ever really knows how they'll handle the news of a loss. You can speculate, make educated guesses based on previous reactions and your overall closeness to the person, but until you're in that moment you don't really know. Sometimes, you feel nothing, and then you feel guilty for feeling nothing. Other times, the grief can be so soul-suffocating that it feels like a physical ache in your chest that hurts more the more you think about it.
Mihael had been sitting on the kitchen floor for a full hour now, staring numbly at the ring that had fallen out of the envelope addressed to him. There was no return address, no sign of who had sent it save for the unfamiliar handwriting on the envelope, but it didn't matter. He knew what it meant. Alex hadn't left him - he was dead. Mihael couldn't breathe. He clutched at his chest, struggling to get some air.
He had been so worried about Alex - the months of not hearing from him, the fear that kept gnawing at him like a wild animal as he desperately tried to make sense of the situation, oh god the angry messages he'd left when he'd thought he'd been abandoned. He felt sick to his stomach and he was certain if he'd eaten anything in the past few days he'd have vomited.
Alex was dead.
Mihael felt numb, disconnected from reality, and he wanted to lay down, curl up in a ball, and cry until he, too, was just as gone from this world as Alex. Why the hell did it have to be Alex? Alex had been making something of himself; if either of them was to die young it should have by all accounts been Mihael the way he constantly spiraled into patterns of self-destruction. And why...why hadn't he come home? His ring had made it so someone had to have found his body...where was he now?
The thoughts only made him feel worse. Had Alex died alone? Scared? Was he murdered and dumped unceremoniously somewhere? Had his body been too badly decomposed already by the time he'd been found to bring him home? Did...any authorities know? Why was the ring how he'd found out and not some policeman knocking on his door?
The thoughts spiraled so quickly he felt almost dizzy and his chest tightened until he felt certain it would collapse on itself. He reached for his pack of cigarettes, hands trembling and throat tight as he struggled to keep the tears back. He lit up the first one, and then a second, a third. By the time the sun had set, Mihael was still on the floor and the entire pack of cigarettes was empty.
It hadn't taken the grief away like he'd wanted. It was still there - painful and raw. But Mihael had been too drained for tears; he could only sit, think, and savor the burn from the smoke which seemed to be the only thing he could feel that didn't make him wish he was dead too.
"You can take a piece of me, baby; wrap those hands around my body" from this prompt list info on Alex and Mihael here and here
"Dammit." Mihael muttered as his lighter flickered out just before reaching the end of his cigarette. Alex wrinkled his nose.
"You really need to quit, babe. I don't want you dying before me." He joked, taking the empty lighter from Mihael's hand and tossing it in the garbage bin by the kitchen island.
"I will, as soon as the wedding's over. Do we have another lighter around or am I going to have to run down to the shops?" Mihael asked, turning to face Alex.
"'The shops' you're so cute." Alex teased, rummaging around the kitchen drawers.
"Well what else would you say?" Mihael asked, pocketing his cigarette and standing to join the search in the kitchen.
"The bodega. It's a bodega." Alex said with a laugh. "No lighters here. I'll walk you, you shouldn't be smoking in the apartment anyway."
The couple stepped out onto the street and began their brisk stroll to the corner store. The late summer air was cool against their skin and Alex laced his fingers with Mihael's, tugging him closer and planting a kiss on his cheek.
"Now what was that for?" Mihael asked, shooting his fiancé an amused look.
"Just 'cause I love you." Alex said with a shrug and a grin.
Mihael smiled back before pulling away to run into the store. Alex followed him inside where Mihael quickly grabbed another lighter and a drink. They continued walking until they reached the park near their apartment, settling on one of the benches overlooking the lake.
Mihael turned to Alex and leaned in close, planting a sweet kiss on his lips before reclining against him and finally lighting up the cigarette he'd been craving for hours.
"God, I can't wait until we're finally married. Between making arrangements and the cases I'm working on I'm afraid I'll have a heart attack before we even walk down the aisle." Mihael said with a sigh, exhaling a puff of smoke as he spoke.
"Speaking of, do your parents know if they can fly in yet?" Alex asked, holding Mihael closer.
"Mum's been trying to book a flight for months, the damn airlines just keep getting more expensive. I've half a mind to just pay for the tickets myself, I can't imagine marrying without them here." Mihael sighed again, resting his chin on Alex's shoulder.
"Then that's what we'll do. I'll take on a couple extra jobs, shouldn't be an issue." Alex said without a second thought, glancing down at Mihael with a reassuring smile.
Mihael shook his head and returned the smile, leaning up to plant another kiss on his future husband's lips. He had never felt so secure in someone's presence before, only more determined to make the ceremony he'd dreamt of for years just right.
I Have You Now, My Pretty, Hair Matted With Blood, Needles, Superpower Overload, Villain Reveals the Secret, and Exposure
"I have you now, my pretty" from Bad Things Happen Bingo info on Alex and Mihael here and here
This was the worst thing that had ever happened to Alex, he was confident in that. One of his enemies had found out his identity, that was the first problem, but before he could do anything about it he'd been knocked out and now he'd woken up cuffed to a chair back-to-back with another person. Alex could smell Mihael's conditioner and cologne and he turned his head, trying desperately to see if he was alright. Mihael was blindfolded, thank god, and seemed to still be unconscious but the IV drip in his arm was a foreboding omen. Alex had to get them out of here before Mihael woke up and learned anything he shouldn't or, worse, before whoever had kidnapped them could come back.
Alex struggled, testing the cuffs around his wrists and ankles. He could probably get his hands free if he broke his thumbs and he was willing to do that without hesitation but he couldn't go anywhere if his ankles were still bound. Before he could make a decision, the door opened and a masked woman entered, wheeling a cart of tools and coming to a stop beside the chairs. Mihael stirred weakly.
"Hello, Agent. I'm certain you know why you're here." She said softly, her voice distorted but with a hint of malice that sent a chill straight to his bones.
"I know why I'm here, why is he here?" Alex demanded, trying to keep his voice from shaking.
"Don't play coy. We know your agency trains you well. You'd never talk if we tortured you, it would be a waste of time, you're far too resilient. The same can't be said for your fiancé, now can it? How long do you think he'll last?"
A soft sound left Mihael's throat before he finally woke. Alex wished he hadn't.
"Don't you dare touch him!" Alex snarled, wishing he could reach back and offer Mihael some comfort.
"Alex...?" Mihael murmured groggily. The woman wheeled the cart into Alex's line of sight and began perusing the tools to decide what to use first. Alex felt vaguely sick.
"We'll start with an easy question, Agent: the name of your supervisor."
Alex's stomach dropped. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't answer that - he didn't know. He'd never even met the man properly.
"Let him go and I'll tell you everything you want to know. He doesn't deserve this." Alex pleaded. The woman tsked and selected a syringe filled with a fluorescent orange chemical, pushing it into Mihael's IV unceremoniously. Mihael jerked as though he'd been shocked and made a horrific choking noise.
"Don't worry, Agent, he'll start breathing again eventually, the paralytic only lasts a few minutes. Let's try again. The name, Agent."
Alex hated himself. He'd caused this; he was the reason Mihael was suffering and would likely continue to suffer until they could be rescued. He had to think of something. A lie. He could lie. But if she caught him in it would she kill Mihael? He had to try or the torture itself would.
"Thomas Peterson. The name he told me is Thomas Peterson." Alex said shakily.
The woman nodded. "Good. My people will do their due diligence to make certain you aren't lying. In the meantime, we'll move on to the next question. August 22nd: you retrieved files from our mainframe. I'd like to know what you did with them."
"I handed them off to my superior, I don't know what he did with them after." Alex lied again, glancing at Mihael from the corner of his eye. His breathing seemed to be back to normal but his chest hitched occasionally, as though he was suppressing sobs. Alex wished he could see his face. He wished he could tell him everything would be okay.
"On August 30th you returned to our facility. Why?" She continued, selecting a metal ring big enough to fit around Mihael's neck from the cart. Alex felt a chill of dread.
"My supervisor wasn't satisfied with the files I'd retrieved. He wanted more information." Alex said quickly, feeling suddenly breathless.
"He told you to return or you did so of your own volition?" The woman asked.
"My own volition." Alex replied.
"And what did you retrieve that time?" She asked.
Alex bit his tongue, heart racing. He couldn't tell her that; it was the only thing the agency had against them right now. The woman disappeared from his line of sight and he heard a metal click as the ring was fastened around Mihael's neck.
"Perhaps hearing your beloved scream will loosen your tongue, hm?" She said, her voice deceptively gentle.
"No-" Alex began to protest but he was cut off by the cheerful tone that left the ring followed by Mihael's pained cry.
"You did this to him, Agent, I want you to remember that."
Alex felt Mihael's back arc so far he was surprised he hadn't torn straight through the leather restraints - as it was, he'd probably broken a rib or two from the strap around his lower chest. The occasional small jolt of electricity shot from the back of the collar to give Alex the faintest idea of the sort of agony Mihael was being put through.
"If you don't want this to continue, you'll tell me what I need to know," the woman said calmly. "Otherwise I could keep going until his heart stops."
"The blueprints of your facility." Alex blurted in a panic. "I stole the blueprints so we could make a plan to infiltrate."
The woman turned the collar off and the room fell silent again save for Mihael's desperate, pained sobs.
"Last question for the time being, Agent: who is the mole you have planted in our ranks?"
Alex's ears were ringing in panic, he had to do something. The room seemed to get hotter and smaller; if their mole was identified and killed all the work they had done would be for nothing. All of it. And if he lied now he'd be caught in it immediately.
"I don't know." Alex said softly.
The woman hummed. "It seems you need a bit more incentive, Agent." She approached the table again, this time selecting a sickly green chemical. The moment it was pushed into the IV, Mihael let out a moan of pain and Alex felt him begin to shake. "You have one hour until his body shuts down one organ at a time. It's a slow and agonizing death, I'd suggest you tell me what I want to know unless you want his last moments to be pure suffering."
"I told you, I don't know!" Alex shouted desperately. "Please, I don't know the answer! I've never even seen him! You have to believe me!"
"I don't. The name, Agent, or Mr. Ireton will suffer. I suggest you don't make me think of any more punishments." The woman said before Mihael moaned again, his skin pale and clammy.
"Please! I don't know!" Alex begged, yanking hard against the restraints until his left thumb gave a sickening crack that sent pain all the way up his arm. He couldn't focus on that, he had to save Mihael.
"I hear your fiancé has an interesting medical history, Agent. Do you think it's weakened his heart? His bones? His arm is very thin, I could probably snap it with my bare hands." She commented, freeing one of Mihael's arms. Mihael weakly tried to pull it away with a soft, barely audible protest. Alex scrambled, searched his mind for anything he could use to save them both.
"Please-"
The woman delivered a sudden strike to Mihael's forearm that snapped the bones cleanly in two. Alex could barely hear the sudden, new sounds of a scuffle outside the door over Mihael's scream. The door slammed open moments later and a shot rang out, slamming through the woman's leg and sending her falling to the ground next to Mihael's chair as agents swarmed the room.
"J-57 are you injured?" Someone called out, a gun still trained on the downed woman.
Alex took an unsteady breath, his heart pounding. He could feel all of the adrenaline and terror in his veins as his mind raced in a million directions.
"I'm fine. Where's the antidote? He needs the antidote." He said, turning to finally get a good look at Mihael the moment he was freed. The blindfold was askew revealing his half-lidded and glassy eyes - he didn't appear to be aware of the scene around him any longer.
"We'll get it to him as soon as we know what he was dosed with, Agent. Let's get them both to the agency, they need emergency medical attention." One of the agents he wasn't familiar with instructed as he cuffed the woman and hauled her out the door.
Alex took another deep, shuddering breath as he scooped up Mihael's unresisting body in his arms. Mihael's head lolled onto his shoulder and Alex held him a little tighter, trying to offer him comfort. Then, the moment was gone as the medical team took him from his arms and rushed him out of the building. Alex felt numb as another medic set and wrapped his broken thumb before escorting him out for debriefing. He wasn't allowed to see Mihael for hours and every second sent anxiety coursing through his veins.
"57? We're about to give him the memory serum, do you want to speak to him first?" A medic asked, peering into the room where he was waiting.
"What are you telling him happened when he wakes up again?" Alex asked, his voice eerily calm despite the turmoil in his head.
"We're telling him he was in a car accident." She said as he stood to follow her. "We're also going to increase the dosage a bit to simulate head trauma. He should maintain his long-term memories but any short-term memories from the past week will be gone permanently. He also may not be able to form short-term memories for the next week or two."
"That feels excessive." Alex said, his voice flat despite how it felt like his heart was shattering into a million tiny pieces.
"It's necessary, the only way to get him away from all of this and safely back home with no chance of this memory returning." The medic pointed out before stepping aside for him to enter.
Mihael was clearly doped up on pain medication when Alex walked in but awake and talking with the nurse setting up his IV.
"Alex- oops, not Alex. Agent...something, right?" Mihael questioned, his eyes half lidded.
Alex couldn't help the sad smile that crossed his lips at the sight of him. He looked so peaceful and innocent - it made Alex nervous to think of how easily he could have lost him forever.
"It's okay, Baby, they know my real name here. How are you feeling?" Alex asked, taking Mihael's hand and squeezing it gently.
"I can't feel anything, I think." Mihael mused. "Am I dead? Did that...whatever they were...did they kill me?"
Alex swallowed hard past the sudden lump in his throat as he felt his heart break a little bit.
"No, Baby." He said softly, pressing a kiss to Mihael's forehead. "You're alive and safe. You're going to get some rest now and when you wake up, you won't remember any of that pain."
"What? No, I don't want you to have to keep secrets from me-" Mihael protested but the nurse was already pushing the light blue serum into his IV and his eyelids fluttered as he fought sleep. "Alex, please-"
"Shhh..." Alex soothed, brushing Mihael's hair back. "It's okay, Baby. Everything will be okay when you wake up."
"Alex..." Mihael protested, looking hurt, and the guilt felt like a punch to Alex's stomach.
"I promise this will be better." And even if it wasn't, it didn't matter. The agency would never let Mihael live with the knowledge and the drug was coursing through his veins. His memories were probably already becoming hazy. "I love you."
Mihael's gaze softened. "I love you too." He said, before his eyes finally closed in sleep.
#4 몸을 맡겨 내 입술은 니 목을 노려 Trust me as my lips aim for your neck (Vampire) from this prompt list info on Alex and Mihael here and here
"Alex, I don't really think now is the- oh, Christ, Alexander-" Mihael groaned as Alex bit hard on the junction of his neck and shoulder, just below his shirt collar, and tangled a hand in his hair, tugging hard. He was already late for his meeting, they didn't even have time for a quickie, but god he didn't want Alex to do anything but pin him to his desk and take what he wanted.
Alex laughed softly, his breath tickling Mihael's skin as he trailed more kisses and bites up the column of his future husband's neck. "Thought I might help get rid of some of your stress, babe." He teased.
"I'm going to be more stressed if I'm l-late- fuck-" Mihael gasped as Alex grabbed his hips and tugged him impossibly closer.
"Alright, alright," Alex finally relented, pecking Mihael on the lips once more before releasing him and stepping back, smoothing the other man's rumpled dress shirt and fixing his mussed hair so he looked slightly less debauched. Mihael still looked dazed as he caught his breath, bracing himself on the edge of his desk.
"Hot damn, you're sexy. Go kick ass, baby, I'll meet you at home, okay?" Alex promised, fixing Mihael's suit jacket as well and giving him one more kiss.
Mihael returned the kiss, finally regaining his composure. "I love you." He said softly, and Alex just grinned that sweet, genuine, lopsided smile that always sent butterflies fluttering in Mihael's stomach.
"Love you too. Now go." He gave Mihael a gentle push and watched him leave with a contented sigh. He was a lucky man.
#3 "things you said too quietly" from this prompt list info on Alex and Mihael here and here
It wasn't often Alex got hurt on the job, thankfully. He didn't need more secrets to keep from his fiancé, Mihael deserved more information than he gave him already he wasn't certain he could stomach the thought of lying to him more. But, unfortunately, this time around he had gotten hurt. It wasn't anything major; a couple of broken ribs, a bruised collarbone, and a mild concussion that made him spacey and forgetful - nothing he couldn't handle and certainly nothing he couldn't normally keep to himself without Mihael ever knowing. If it wasn't for the concussion.
Alex woke in the middle of the night disoriented and unsure why it hurt to breathe until he remembered his injuries - he must have rolled onto his side without realizing it. With a soft groan of pain, he shifted onto his back before pushing himself to a sitting position, trying not to wake Mihael.
"Mm...Alex, what're you doing?" Mihael asked groggily, reaching out to take his hand and tug him back into bed. Alex couldn't help but flinch as Mihael dragged his wounded body closer, causing Mihael to sit up, immediately alert and concerned. "Alex-"
"I'm okay, just a headache. Go back to sleep, babe." Alex lied, lifting Mihael's hand to kiss the backs of his fingers before pushing himself to stand. A sudden wave of vertigo washed over him and he nearly passed out. Mihael was by his side in an instant, sliding an arm around him to hold him steady.
"Oh my god, are you alright? Are you sick? Hurt? Sit down, I'll get you some trousers, I'm taking you to the ER." Mihael said as he collected a pair of sweatpants and pulled them on.
"No! No, I'm fine, it's nothing. I'm just...I don't need the hospital, I'm just not feeling well. Just get me some Tylenol?" Alex replied hastily, not wanting to think about what it would mean if Mihael knew the truth.
Mihael examined him critically for a moment before nodding and kissing his forehead. "Alright, love, I'll be back. Stay put."
Alex carefully eased himself back into bed, relieved that Mihael hadn't pushed for more information. He must have dozed off again because the next thing he knew, Mihael was helping him sit up to take the medicine and making a nest of pillows for him to relax into in the center of the bed. Alex sighed in contentment as he leaned back, Mihael still fussing with the blankets.
"You don't have to do all this." Alex said as Mihael tucked him in and pressed the TV remote into his hand.
"If I didn't what sort of husband would I be?" Mihael replied, sliding in next to him and wrapping an arm around his waist gently. Alex wasn't sure if it was the late hour or the pain or the emotional turmoil of having to lie to Mihael so blatantly but the simple, loving statement nearly made him cry.
"You'd still be more than I'll ever deserve," Alex said softly, swallowing hard past the lump in his throat.
Mihael shook his head. "No, never. You deserve the world, Alexander Jacobs."
"You are my world, Mihael." Alex insisted, resting his head on Mihael's shoulder as The Golden Girls played in the background, lulling him to sleep.
"I hope you feel safe enough to tell me the truth someday." Mihael murmured into his hair, too quietly for Alex to catch, before drifting off himself.
How would Alex feel about Mihael going bad, if he were still alive?
he'd be absolutely gutted, all Alex ever really wanted was for Mihael to be happy so knowing that Mihael had so much grief and anger that it made him go bad and that it was (indirectly) caused by him would devastate him </3
