goodbye kiss - alexander mahone
i can’t believe i’m posting this wooww i’m super excited!! short story, i’m watching prison break (i’ve just finished season 2) and i couldn’t help but notice how underrated agent mahone is.. i mean i had to write for him, also william fichtner is a great actor and he’s making me thirsty :) i hope i transferred his character through this little writing, i hope you enjoy reading and please let me know what you think. lana del rey’s ‘goodbye kiss’ cover, the movie ‘one day’ and some prompts inspired me to write this.
! to my peaky followers, i’ll tag ‘not peaky’ to my other works and even though how much i love this man, i’ll still write mostly for the shelbys. i love you xx
‘y/n, can you call me when you get this? It’s just... I need to speak to someone. Not someone. You.’ The familiar voice made your stomach ache, it’s been months since you’ve heard from each other. You couldn’t deny the fact that you missed him so badly, but it was he who wanted to end all of this. Something in his voice changed your heartbeat, something was terribly wrong because he’d never called you otherwise.
He started acting strangely after he ended his marriage with Pam, it was the first time he called you after years. He said he wanted to see his best friend but you sensed that was something different. You didn’t question, you never did. You just wanted to be there for him all the time, unlike the others. When you were children, you’d never ask when he showed up with fresh cuts and bruises. That was what calmed him, being around you.
Time took a lot of things from both of you, he lost his feelings and you lost nearly all of your loved ones. You decided to hold onto your memories, all the chances you’ve lost. He regretted the choices he made, how could he be so stupid... The years you’ve lost, the missing part of you in his life tortured him many nights.
You sighed and dialled his number, afraid of the words that’d come out of his mouth. ‘Alex? Is everything alright?’ You heard his breath and you couldn’t help but close your eyes, still yearning for him. ‘Where are you?’ He asked quickly.
‘At home. It’s four in the morning.’ He didn’t answer and hang on the phone, leaving you with a heart beating fastly inside your ribcage. After all the time, he was still able to make you these things. Like you were seventeen again, you smiled to yourself with the memories. The idea of him made your heart flutter when you were a teenager, now it caused you anxiety.
You jumped slightly with the knock on your door, you weren’t expecting this. You thought it was one of those nights where he was almost drunk and wanted to check on you. But the man in front of you was completely sober.
‘Can’t sleep?’ He asked as he stepped into your house, his beautiful blue eyes wondering on you.
‘What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be out in a mission or something?’
He smiled a little, his lips parted slowly to answer, ‘It can wait, everything can wait. I wanted to be here, with you.’ You closed your eyes and massaged to your temples, wasn’t it too late for those words? ‘It’s been years, you know. Why now?’
‘Because I miss you, y/n.’
You knew he was telling the truth and maybe it was what hurt you the most in the end. ‘You’re awfully honest now, Alex. When we were kids you avoided telling me your feelings.’ You turned your head to the floor, not wanting to meet with his eyes.
‘Don’t you think we’ve already lost a lot of time?’ This time you looked up at him only to see his eyes shining with tears. ‘I’m not the person I used to be.’ You whispered, the words hurting both of you. ‘Me neither.’ He sounded broken.
‘What if you end up hating me-’ He walked to you, ‘Don’t push me away... not me. Please, y/n.’ A tear rolled down your cheek but he was already there, wiping it away. ‘I can’t understand, why now?’ You asked as he embraced you in a hug, breaking your heart once again. ‘This life, this job... I’m afraid it’ll be the end of me and I don’t want to die knowing I never said it back. I love you, I love you so much that it scares me. Y-you don’t have to feel the same but I can’t get you out of my mind. No matter how hard I try, you are there.’
His hands reached up to your face and you leaned in, he was desperate for you. ‘Are you going to tell me what’s happening?’ You asked as he buried his face to your neck, it wasn’t easy at all for him. ‘I fucked up, I don’t know what to do. Everything’s falling apart and I’m just watching under the water... Help me.’
You held his hand and once you were on your bed, he rested his head on your lap, letting you take care of him. You took off his jacket and put it aside, loosening his tie and unbuttoning the first buttons of his shirt. A little pillbox was inside one of the jacket’s pockets and you noticed it, ‘How often do you use the little guys?’
‘Frequently. Why were you still awake tonight?’
‘I went on a date, didn’t turn out so well if you wonder.’ You smiled and he turned his head a little to watch your expression. ‘I heard you visited Cameron in the hospital, Pam was quite pissed off.’
‘He told me about how much he misses you. He also said his mother doesn’t want him to see you or me.’ He sighed, ‘I have to stay away from him if I want to keep him safe. There are people on my back and they’ll do everything to keep me under their control. I... made a mistake and Cam paid for it.’
‘Isn’t there anyone who can help you?’
‘I’m a dead man the second I speak, there’s no happy end this time.’ Your fingers found their way to his hair, ‘How did you involve to this? I thought everything was good.’
‘You remember Oscar Shales, the man who raped, tortured and killed a woman? I chased him for a long time and when I caught him, I couldn’t take him to the authorities. Instead of letting him get out of the prison a few decades later, I killed him and buried the body in my garden. That’s why I started to use drugs, his images haunted me everywhere. Those men knew what I did and they chose me as their toy soldier, I’ve taken so many lives and they’ll end me anyway.’
‘God, Alex... You never told me about this.’ You tried to react but there weren’t enough words for your emotions.
‘What was I supposed to do? You told me you loved me and I left you all alone and then I married Pam even though I still had feelings for you. I didn’t want to use you anymore, I didn’t want you to feel guilty because of me.’
Your fingers combed his hair to the back, the tiny moves relaxed him a little. ‘What happened happened, but you’re here now. Is there anything I can do?’ The man shook his head slowly, ‘Nothing, I have to leave early in the morning. All I can ask for is tonight and I need it desperately, you’re the only one who thinks I’m not crazy.’
‘It’ll be okay, you’ll get through this and when it’s over, I’ll be here waiting for you.’ You whispered as he sat next to you on the bed, his eyes never leaving yours. ‘Do you think you can still love me? I’ve got blood on my hands, y/n.’ Your fingers caressed the soft skin of his cheek, ‘I hadn’t spent a day without thinking about you, I never stopped loving you.’ He closed his eyes with your words, they meant too much to him.
His eyes locked with yours once again and he took the first step, moving closer to you. Your lips parted slightly without asking for your permission, you’ve wanted to kiss him so many times but this time was totally different that your whole body ached for him. The familiar smell of his cologne filled your nostrils and you breathed in him, your lips meeting each other finally. You let out a soft sigh and kissed him back passionately, his hands easily finding the fabric of your nightgown and pushing it up slowly.
The air felt heavy to you as you tasted his lips, they were the softest ones you’ve ever got to kiss. Alex melted into the kiss, he’d never thought he’ll lose and find himself in someone’s arms. Your presence kept him sane, the warmth spreading from your body to his made him want to kiss you until the sunrise. There was something missing when you weren’t by his side, he felt lost. Now that you were with him, kissing him gently, he wanted time to stop right there.
Even though you were already on each other, you wanted to be closer. It was a heartbreaking scene, anyone would tell the same. You both knew it was a goodbye kiss, you were too desperate for each other. A teardrop fell down your cheek again you couldn’t stop yourself this time, sobbing quietly as he broke the kiss. ‘I don’t want to lose you, please come back, come back to me.’ He left light kisses all over your face as you sobbed quietly, ‘If anything happens to me, please look after my son.’
You couldn’t come up with an answer so you closed your eyes, letting him shower you with kisses, his touch on your skin making your knees go weak. When you were finally asleep, he pulled you to himself in his sleep, the need of your presence never leaving him. In the morning you woke up alone, a piece of paper waiting to be read.
‘I love you and I will always love you.’