i constantly obsess and dwell over the fear of losing my parents and future events and how i'm able to go to stores or open spaces without panicking bc of like my severe panic attacks and agoraphobia (even tho i don't understand why i get triggered so much in open spaces,, like i just become so much more aware in those areas... i feel so exposed, vulnerable, uncomfy, ungrounded, out of body??? idk how to explain it. i feel small? i just feel more comfy having a low ceiling near my head, it grounds me more. i still get anxious obviously bc i panic alot in public situations and panic over the sensations i get due to panic and then panic over me panicking over the sensations from panic. it's so complicated and hard to explain but it's like an endless cycle. i just fear growing up so much, too - so like, my parents are my rocks and i love them with all my heart. i can't do anything without them, yknow? some of it is seperation anxiety, then we got my ocd and agoraphobia/panic disorder. is anyone else like this?
when i'm in public spaces/trigger places, all i can think about is my body/sensations/anxiety/thoughts. i can't really breathe, feels kind of like hyperventilating or like when you hold your breath, but that feeling happens out of no where and it feels like you can't swallow or breathe because of it.
