only twenty minutes to sleep, but you dream of some epiphany.
in nate’s dorm, the night between november 21st and november 22nd.
there’s a comfortable atmosphere settling in over his room, filled with a silence that almost feels loud. it’s the kind of silence that emerges from the knowing that there’s a very high probability everyone but you are asleep. there are, surprisingly enough, no noises coming from any of the surrounding dorm rooms. an uncommon occurrence, especially on a weekend, but it seems like the joint quidditch victory party in the hwaseong common room, has somehow managed to shut the geumseong dorm up.
all nate can hear is the sounds of heavy breathing around him, coming from the two figures currently cuddled up to him, already fast asleep. he really should be asleep too, god knows he’s getting beyond tired at this point, but something’s keeping him up — though he can’t pinpoint exactly what. with how warm and comfortable he is, the limbs of his friends wrapped around him, there’s nothing stopping him — he’s comfortably fallen asleep like this many times over the past month.
he sighs, looking down on the shapes of those in bed with him. callie had fallen asleep first, which had been expected, considering just how drunk she had been. he’s relieved, really, that she had thought to message them, rather than sit there all night wallowing in her own misery. not that he would say he’s an excessive worrier, or a worrier in general, but he does wonder if something would have happened had they not come to pick her up. but — he doesn’t want to think about that, about the horrible possibilities, not when she’s here. her warm body pressed against his, as she’s clinging onto him in her sleep.
on his other side is levi, significantly less clingy, but the warmth of him is still there. the seeker has his arm slung across nate’s torso, his hand clutching callie’s. so, in short, nate is trapped under a tangle of limbs, though he doesn’t mind, despite how warm it’s getting. no, he’s more focused on the comforting, familiar, touch of the both of them.
hm. he really should be asleep by now. it might have been hours, at this point, that he’s just been lying here, mind drifting between various states of nothingness. still, there’s something keeping him from completely putting his mind to rest, though he can’t pinpoint what. just that there’s some sort of heavy feeling in his chest, unlike anything he’s ever—
his thoughts are interrupted by levi, his voice breaking the silence surrounding them. nate can’t make out what he’s saying, the words coming out as unintelligible mumbles. is he sleep talking? there’s a tug of his lips, a smile threatening to break free across nate’s features. honestly, that is cute. levi’s mumbles continue, with the feeling in nate’s chest growing, an almost overwhelming feeling of fondness for both of—
wait. what was that? fondness. nate takes a deep breath, gaze shifting to focus on the ceiling instead as he considers his thoughts. fondness… or affection. yeah, he supposes that’s about right. with callie, there’s no hiding that he’s always had a fondness for her, with how affectionate the two have acted with each other ever since their friendship began. that’s normal for them. but with levi? well… with the way their relationship has developed over just the past month, maybe theres… some, emphasis on some, affection there. because, well, he cares about the seeker — they’re friends now, right?
… right? both of them, they’re his friends, and feeling affection like this for your friends is completely normal. or— his mind immediately goes to kirby, who’s become his dearest friend over the past years, and… he… uhh… doesn’t feel like this with her? well, he does, but at the same time, he doesn’t. not like this, not this strongly.
huh. okay. what the fuck. honestly, he’s not really sure what this means, but he already knows he doesn’t like it. a creature of habit, anything new, anything too out of the ordinary, is usually not immediately welcomed in his life. and while he doesn’t know what this is, not yet (will he ever? he’s not sure), he knows that it’s something new, and scary, and—
another deep breath is let out, more shaky this time. his gaze is still stuck on the ceiling, forcibly so, as he’s quite honestly terrified of looking back down on the two cuddled up to him. being aware of their presence is bad enough, now making his heart race slightly. nate’s never been an anxious person, not really, but he’s starting to wonder if this is what the beginning of a panic attack feels like.
deep breaths. in, out, in, out. slowly, increasingly more steady. calm the fuck down, nathaniel. stay. calm. this is… yeah, it’s slightly terrifying, he won’t lie, but what is there to do about it now? he’s stuck here, buried under sleeping bodies, and he’s meant to be asleep. he won’t get anywhere with this, not now, not while he’s here with them.
fuck. this is going to be something he has to figure out, though, isn’t it? but, for now, he does his best to push the thoughts, the feelings, away, closing his eyes in an attempt to finally drift off into sleep.
