#aimat

[aesthetemoonshadows]

fuck, i’m always wondering what the hell is wrong with me. 

pretty sure i’m depressed and that i have high anxiety already,, but now i might also have fucking adhd; which would explain a lot. 

can’t confirm ANYTHING though because my family doesn’t give a shit for my mental health.

[aesthetemoonshadows]

I'm in line for security to board a plane..

Whoooosshhh

[aesthetemoonshadows]

More uwu moments of my crush

This literally sounds like it came out of a fanfic..

So he designed a video games. He also plays guitar and bass and drums and played Hey There Delilah and my hEART💖💕💕💞💞

So of course I started singing. .

But I almost stopped because I heard something.

And then my mind went "tHats HIM SINGING WITH YOU B"

FRIGGEN HHHHH

I wanted to stop though to hear him sing. But I was also like "DUETDUETDUET"

But then if I lowered my voice he's lower his too because we're both shy beans when it comes to singing.

We were relying on eachother to keep singing so we wouldn't quiet down or stop singing.

Later on in the day he left somewhere and me and Soph did karaoke. He came back and I was like oh boy.

hE ACTUALLY JOINED US

HHHHH

I remember Sophie not knowing all the words so she would quiet down and with me and Nic being shy to sing we'd quiet down. So eventually nobody was singing for a part even though me and Nic knew the words and I was like "wELL LEADER MODE ACTIVATED".

I started singing then everyone was comfortable with singing again.

Anyway me and my sorta crush sang a duet together of Hey There Delilah and it literally played out like a fanfiction.

[aesthetemoonshadows]

Also an update on the kid I was babysitting's brother..

Here's what happend:

I kept seeing him on his phone on an empty contact and I was like "oKAY lmao he probably made a new friend that's awesome" whole day he kept turning on his phone to that and I was like ???

We watched titanic and stuff it was so dope. Me and Soph had Popsicles but then Nic left the room for like 20 mins?? Idk why; he left his phone so..?

ANYWAY

He came back and we played video games and stuff. He sat next to me uwu ♡♡.

End of the day and mom is going to drive me back home (keep in mind this was the last time I would babysit her this year ((probably))). I was about to get up off the couch to leave until he passed me his phone and went "Hey can I have your number?" AND I was like "yeah sure" But on the inside I was like "yEs YOU C A N 💞💕💖💖 HELL 👏 YEAH👏 W H H H O O O O O". I put a smiley face next to my contact :).

He's like "the only person I regularly text is my mom haha" and I was like "Well then I'm going to change that!!" UGGHHH I WAS SO HAPPY HE WAS LIKE SMILING BUT ALSO LOOKED LIKE HE WAS TRYING NOT TO.

After that I realized that the reason he was on an empty contact was probably cause he was building up the confidence to just ask for my phone number (I would know, just asking for someone's number is stressful for some reason??)

Anyway I'm real happy he asked and we still talk at least once a week uwu

[aesthetemoonshadows]

AND NOW I HAVE TWO PILLS STUCK IN MY THROAT BECAUSE I CANT SWALLOW PILLS I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN I FEEL LIKE VOMITING

[aesthetemoonshadows]

Okay wow so turns out my headache is actually a migraine and I am in a lot of pain. Wowowowow nothing good can happen today huh? :)))

I hate this. So much.

[aesthetemoonshadows]

No no no this is bad what am I doing??

You keep saying things and now people are worried for you. You idiot.

I should've just kept my mouth shut..

Please don't worry about me I'm fine; I swear I'm fine. Everything is okay. I'm fine. Stop worrying. I don't need your pity. I want help but not yours please leave me alone.

I don't even want to open up to you

I can't trust you

I'm sorry

Hhhhhhh

Why are you such a failure you absolute moron.

You're going to ruin everything.

[aesthetemoonshadows]

My mom started seeing a therapist after I spoke about wanting to see one. EVERY DAMN TIME SHE COMES HOME FROM THERAPY SHE'S LIKE "OH I JUST WENT TO THE THERAPIST IT WAS GREAT BLAH BLAH BLAH" LIKE YEAH OKAY YOU BITCH I GET IT YOU CAN WORK OUT YOUR PROBLEMS BUT I CANT. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK I'M GOING THROUGH BUT BECAUSE IM YOUNGER MY CONCERNS ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH ARE MUCH LESS IMPORTANT. THANKS FOR TAKING MY ADVICE ABOUT HOW EVERYONE SHOULD SEE A THERAPIST DIPSHIT. HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSE TO FUCKING COPE WHEN YOU GET HOME AND START BRAGGING ABOUT YOUR THERAPIST WHEN ALL I HAVE ARE FRIENDS I DONT WANT TO PUSH MY PROBLEMS ONTO AND A DUMB ASS NOTEPAD APP ON MY PHONE HUH? WHY AREN'T MY FEELINGS AND CONCERNS VALID HUH? WHY THE HELL DO YOU HAVE TO RUB IT IN MY FACE HUH? WHEN THE FUCKING FUCK WILL I GET TO

..sorry I literally stopped and left because I couldn't handle all the crying.....

I'm such a selfish little shit. God, I hate myself. I'm sorry.