“i’ll always choose you. that’s the worst part of it all. i’d choose you over and over, even though i know you wouldn’t do the same. “ sekifura, sephiroth to cloud?
some aitr sefikura, because i feel this quote fits their dynamic best! for those of you reading this before the last chapter is out, there are spoilers if you wanna avoid that, but also they're like, the vaguest and most easily guessable ones
taking angst + h/c prompts from here!
This conversation had been a long time coming, of course. An explanation, a real one, from both of them-- one that Cloud had spent quite a while during his time bedridden trying to imagine in hopes that he would actually be able to get that far in his reconciliation with Sephiroth. And yet he still finds himself surprised when Sephiroth expresses his jealousy of the other people in Cloud's life.
"I know it is not... healthy," Sephiroth says, looking down at his hands, his broad shoulders folding in to somehow look small and guilty. "And I have... no right to dictate who you do and do not associate with. Your reasoning has already been... proven true, now. Whether I was in my right mind or not, I have hurt you irreparably in my attempt to take control of your life for myself."
Cloud nods and takes Sephiroth's hands in his own, encouraging him to continue speaking. They both know neither of them are here to provide excuses or justifications, either for each other or themselves; it's more important to let Sephiroth finish expressing how he feels, right now.
"You even warned me," Sephiroth says quickly, fiercely, gripping Cloud's hands in return, as if emboldened by his touch. "You said you would not be able to afford the things required of a committed relationship until after everything was over, and although I agreed to wait, I still... acted as if we were in one. I foolishly thought it would be enough. But it wasn't. You'd disappear without telling me why. Go quiet and upset for unsharable reasons. Watching you run yourself into the ground and headfirst into danger and even to your own death while helpless to do a thing about it, all because of the deeds some nebulous alternative version of me had done... I couldn't bear it. Especially when you outright rejected my help in favor of someone else's, I couldn't-- that was... truly the limit of what I could take.
"And yet I'd still... I'll always choose you. That's the worst part of it all. I'd choose you over and over, even though I know you wouldn't do the same."
"Sephiroth..." Cloud starts slowly. "I won't bother justifying why I acted the way I did when you already know why. And I won't excuse how what I did hurt you, either. But... there's one part where you're wrong."
Sephiroth winces, but he doesn't shrink away, even when it's clear he expects Cloud to say something harsh. But Cloud doesn't.
"You're wrong," he says gently, "because this entire time, I've been choosing you. Everything I did... was so you wouldn't have to die to save the future. Even when it was so much harder. Even when it was... terrifying. And in Nibelheim, when I had to choose between your life and the Planet, I..." He looks away, just a bit ashamed. "I hesitated too long. I couldn't do it. It turned out fine in the end, but if it hadn't..."
"But it did," Sephiroth interjects, gripping Cloud's hands just a bit tighter. "You're here. Alive and safe. That is what matters."
Cloud blinks up at Sephiroth once, twice, then exhales, something between a laugh and a sigh, but relieved either way. "Okay," he agrees easily, then stands, hands still held in Sephiroth's own. When Sephiroth looks up at him in question, he says casually, "By the way, everything's over now. What do you say?"
Sephiroth just looks lost, though, and Cloud breathes a real laugh this time.
"We'll start slow, then. How about one date?"
