#ajengposting

[soupedepates]

as usual, ajengposting posting lesbiajeng

[soupedepates]

"Thanks a lot to have accompanied me to that convocation", Antigone says as she puts on her hat. "I have already lost my chair, they are burning my publications, and now I have to report at the police station every day."

COLD READING - She didn't complain when she had to deal with some hooligans of the Order Party disturbing her class. She didn't complain when they seized her bike. Antigone never complains. Something has been said in that office.

SEVEN PILLARS OF WISDOM - You know why you left your job. They wanted you to approve that sort of things. Fred tries to fight on the inside. You think it is better not to even play the game.

I put my gloved hand on her back. Since Hillar has been elected, her hair has whitened a lot. She looks twenty years older than she really is.

COLD READING - There is still ink on her fingertips.

"And I am a lucky one", she continues while lighting up a cigar. "I have some ressources and relations."

"Yes you do", I assure.

"It is just..."

"Unfair?"

STRANGER IN THE NIGHT - People told you to get your "barbaric vampire teeth" fixed quite a lot. You were raised in the idea you can't be angry or aggressive because you would play into the stereotype. You understand how it is, to be treated unfairly due to your species.

"To say the least. I am scared for my family, Ajeng. With baby Balthazar, Evadne and Leda, the political climate is more than worrying. And my parents aren't getting any younger."

"Rita-Jude and your friend Camille have talked to you about leaving the country, though."

"And I hope Icare will follow them", she sighs. "But I won't."

I smile politely. Antigone has always been a wild card, too keen on obeying her very own principles. I wonder if she actually likes to suffer and inflict pain on herself; isn't every recovering anorexics eager to destroy a body they don't feel at home in? Lara is the same, but with ballet practice.

"You're too proud, as always."

"If we all leave the country, they will have won."

"Still, in those predicaments, you're fucked."

She laughs. "That's one way to put it."

THE MACHINE - You understand it in your bones. That restlessness. You need to work so much but you can't. Antigone can't pursue her lifeline. You had to choose between ethics and being your own person, and you chose ethics.

AGAIN AND AGAIN - You still have music.

THE HEIRESS - That isn't the same. Music was bestowed upon you. It was chosen for you. Before you were even good at it, it was just to prove and mark social status. Practising law gave you a true purpose and a unique insight in what is going on with the family.

"Let's grab a drink", I suggest. "My treat. You need something to take the edge off."

"I... Fine", she agrees before putting on a smile. "It has been a while."

[soupedepates]

updating a few things on the blog (the banner and the pfp)

[soupedepates]

i painted her yesterday mmmmmmmmmm yes my delicious specialest raccoon trash woman of a vampire

[soupedepates]

In that situation my blorbo would stand off the friend she was supposed to see tonight, tell the people she loves that they are a bunch of guys who don't care about her, smoke 7 cigarettes, get high, hook up with a random woman, light trash on fire, and end up sitting on the pavement crying that she is alone and unloved

This being the worst reaction possible, I know that remaining calm, kind, and full of love is objectively the thing I should keep doing

Thank you Ajeng for being a terrible person who routinely shows what not to do

[soupedepates]

"why does my love life is in shambles" asks the girl who sabotages her love life at every given opportunity

[soupedepates]

Ajeng is actually being a total asshole to a friend to the point she has made him cry and now she's going to manipulate a single mother into snitching on her cousin

she also pickpocketed a nun and did some emotional blackmail on her brother-in-law

that woman is a delight to be around i love her so much

[soupedepates]

THE HEIRESS - You're done for.

CUNNING - Completely fucked.

NOBODY - You will not get away with this.

TONGUE-IN-CHEEK - At least, mother isn't aware of all of this mess. That could be worse. Last time she was aware of anything, she was almost camping at the precinct waiting for cops to bring you back home.

I look at my dad.

THE HEIRESS - He is disappointed.

COLD READING - He just got out of the hospital - likely to preserve you from any maternal rage. As usual when he is out of his annual two-week stay at the clinic, he looks exhausted, hungry, and terrifyingly cold. But he seems horrifyingly angry at you. He has never been so angry at you, or at anyone. Someone ratted.

NOBODY - Either Lara or Laury.

And I bet on Lara. She, fifteen-year-old little princess, and I, bored to death visiting Notturna without Fred - who works at her family's restaurant for the summer -, went to a party in South Notturna, with Laury, whom I promised the night of his life. When the cops arrived to cut it to an end, we fleed the scene with an older woman whom I don't remember the name. Laury and us parted ways as he found a lovely girl to retain the moon and stars in bed.

At the woman's, we got offered some delicacies, such as shrooms, powder, injectables.

VAMPIRE ALLEGORY - And you indulged. Sure, withdrawal is beating your ass right now, but you had some awesome sex. And Lara was... doing stuff. You don't know.

THE HEIRESS - Do you think she did drugs?

CUILLÈRE D'ARGENT - You hope she did.

COLD READING - She definitely didn't. A maid is trying to scrub out the sofa, to get rid of dirt and make-up stains. Lara cried here. You can ride the subway all night long here, same for the buses and the tramways. Grandfather was likely still up and might have opened the door for her, and then Lara told everything to dad. It seems the most plausible timeline of events.

"You are irresponsible", he says simply. "You put your sister in danger."

"She put herself in danger. She was safe with m-"

"Don't talk back to me", he snappingly cuts me off. "Be glad your mother is unaware of your venture and I am feeling generous, and don't try on your luck."

TONGUE-IN-CHEEK - You're so dead. He never raises his voice at anyone, let alone his little lambkin.

"You have the right to have fun, of course, you are an adult, and you aren't living at home anymore. But I thought you were taught better and you knew better."

"I didn't do anything wrong", I interject.

"Quiet."

I shudder. I am not afraid of anyone, and certainly not my father. My mother is frightening, my father shows more mercy, more understanding, and not so much anger. This, precisely this, is weird. My father is a man of great restraint. He lacks social grace, but that was never truly expected from him.

Still, he is never mad at anyone.

But now, he sounds like he is about to get me.

"You went with your little sister, who is still fifteen should I remind you, at a party in a bad neighbourhood that got cut short by the police", he calmly enumerates. "You then went to a stranger's apartment which looked like, according to your sister, 'a dirty drug addict's lair covered in used syringes'. And I am no fool, I am perfectly able to see you are coming down at this very moment. You smell like it."

"I don't!"

"You do, Ajeng."

He takes my cigarette from my mouth. His eyes suggest I don't whine about it.

"You really do." His voice cracks. "And you are extremely lucky not to have encountered anyone on your way."

SOCIAL CHAMELEON - That would've reflected badly on the whole family. Dad sells his diligence and reliability. Mother on the other hand is all about honour and respectability. You have almost committed an unforgivable social faux-pas. One can excuse dad for being awkward among people - he is an intelligent and educated man so his social sins are forgiven. Your mother has such great social skills that her abrasiveness and piratish manners have always been seen as but magnetic charm. Lara is fifteen, and doesn’t have enough personality besides her energetic demeanour and princess ethos. You are the artistic one. While whimsy is expected from you, it is tolerated as long as you profess your musical genius. You are a law student. Your stubbornness is encouraged, but you should draw the line at recklessness. You left home at sixteen. Of course your virtue is scrutinised, because if you were to be a loose woman it would reflect badly on your parents for not having taught you well enough and on Elphyr for not looking after you.

THE HEIRESS - You do be extremely lucky not to have encountered anyone of good reputation.

TONGUE-IN-CHEEK - But let's be for real, he doesn’t have much power over you. He knows it. You know it. You are an adult, you don’t live under his roof. Whatever he tries to do, he will backpedal. Dad isn't a stern, strict man.

THE MACHINE - There are a finite combination of words that would prove themselves effective on him.

I light up a second cigarette out of defiance. He sighs. I can wear him out.

"Are you even listening?"

"I don't see how me smoking impacts my faculty to listen to you", I reply softly. "Lara is extremely impressionable. She is fifteen, as you said, and some things may have been misinterpreted."

NOBODY - He doesn’t believe you. But he doesn’t not believe you. Either way, he cannot ground you and he knows it would render useless if he stops giving you money.

CUNNING - Now we are talking. He stepped out of his fatherly role to start playing with you. You think you have the upper hand, but you are also aware that man is used to negotiate with psychiatrists, bankers, over high-networth individuals, and your mother.

VAMPIRE ALLEGORY - You may be in a comedown right now, but he is high on antipsychotics.

"Ajeng, dear, I see you are trying to wring the facts to make them more palatable to me. However, you do reek of both cheap alcohol and cannabis. You also can't seem to inject anything properly, lambkin, look at your inner elbow", he smiles coldly. "That is a disgrace. Haven't you been taught to inject anything?"

"Have you?"

"I will never be caught dabbling in such dirty ways of consumption. You never know where the needles have been. It is an infectious hazard, do you know that? Blood diseases are truly the plague of our community."

TONGUE-IN-CHEEK - You dislike that tone. A cold tone with a tinge of meanness.

THE WALL - AAAAAAAAAA-

SOCIAL CHAMELEON - FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUU-

CUNNING - FUCK YOUUUU FUCK YOUUUUUU FUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUU-

SEVEN PILLARS OF WISDOM - If you get angry, you will lose. It is part of his strategy.

"We sent you to university, lambkin. I thought you were smarter than that. I would be so disappointed my very own daughter ends up addicted to heroin and riddled with diseases she wasn't smart enough to avoid", he sighs. "You were supposed to be intelligent. Night, seeing you like that, I am ashamed."

AGAIN AND AGAIN - PUNCH HIM. PUNCH HIM.

"Who are you kidding, daddy", I smile in return. "You..."

Rage strangles me and tears blind me. My brain might be racing, but no idea, no sarcasm nor scathing sentence comes to mind. I shall not attack my father on his issues because...

THE WALL - Because unlike you, he actually works on them. Unlike you, he functions quite well, and he managed to pass the classes de recherche without being a mage, to go to a Grande École, to have his own hedge fund and his own family, while battling far more serious issues than you will ever have. You know that. You really know that. If someone can make you feel small, it is your father. Because you are small. You can't even manage to keep Fred all to yourself. You can't even-

SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

"Go apologise to your sister", he says in front of my silence.

He gently strokes my cheek with his hankerchief, to erase my tears. He kisses me on the forehead, before sending me on my way.

"I'll give you something to help you with the crash. But you need to apologise to Larasati before."

I sniff. "Sorry daddy."

"I am not the one who may forgive you. Go now."