Here’s my fic for signpainter1 !! I hope you’ll enjoy it, I liked writing it ! :D
- @akuthecactus
“Let’s take a hot bath !”
Nezumi rose his eyes from the book he was reading, snuggled in an armchair, right beside the fireplace. It was freezing cold outside and both him and Shion could hear the West block wind hissing under the door and making their noses and fingers cold. Even the fire struggled to keep them warm and they were both wrapped in blankets. The white-haired boy looked at his roommate with big sparkling eyes as he often had when he had, usually not so, great ideas.
“What do you mean ?” Nezumi asked, wondering how Shion could think a bath was a luxury they could afford when their last dinner had been a clear soup.
“Well, we should take a warm bath ! I can take water from the river and fill one of Inukashi’s metal tubs, you know, the ones I wash the dogs in ? And then we can heat it on the fire and have a warm bath !” Shion explained excitedly as he got up from his seat, ready to put his plan into action.
Nezumi really thought it sounded childish and futile of Shion to offer carrying gallons of freezing water only to take a bath, but he had to admit the idea of immersing himself in hot water was appealing. He didn’t even remember when it last happened.
“Mh. Well, if you want to have fun carrying it and taking care of the fire while it heats, why not, I guess it can’t hurt. Try not to freeze your fingers while carrying it.” He said with a sigh and looked back at his book.
Shion grinned excitedly and put his warm clothes on. “I’ll be back soon !”
About an hour later, the heavy basement door opened and Shion pulled a metal tub in. He was panting and his nose and cheeks had taken a bright pink color. “Pfew, I made it ! Inukashi let me borrow the tub until tomorrow so we don’t need to worry about giving it back tonight.” The young man explained as he lifted the tub over fire, placing it carefully and standing back with a grin. Nezumi watched the scene unfold, genuinely surprised Shion had made it this far. I really should stop underestimating that boy, he thought. “Be careful not to heat it too much, I don’t want to boil in there.” He remarked, to what Shion nodded. “Don’t worry it will be perfect.” He assured.
As promised, Shion took good care of the fire, frequently plunging his hand in the water to stir it and evaluate the heat. In the meanwhile, Nezumi made some room for the tub. Not that he was as excited as his roommate, but he didn’t want any water on his books. The water took a while to heat properly but Shion eventually stood up and carried the steaming tub in the middle of the space Nezumi had struggled to make in all their mess. “Let’s get in before the water gets cold !” The white haired boy said as he pulled his clothes off without much embarrassment, revealing the red snake coiled around his body. He then carefully sat in the water in order to not spill any and folded his legs to make some room. It was large enough for a big dog, but small for an adult human. Fortunately, neither of the boys were tall. “It’s so warm, come in !” Shion said with a satisfied grin.
Nezumi hesitated. Of course, that bath was tempting, of course letting his cold body relax and let go of everything that made him nervous was enticing. His cold hands were already heated by the steam and his whole body longed for a good bath. But this also meant being unbelievably vulnerable, very close to Shion. He couldn’t explain why, but he was scared of doing it. He knew he could easily kill that boy with his bare hands, he was just so fragile and naïve. But Shion also had already managed to reach for Nezumi’s neck with such ease. It was worrisome.
His eyes met Shion’s. What a beautiful color, Nezumi thought each time he saw them. “I can turn around if you don’t want me to watch you.” Shion offered, his eyes still looking right in the silver ones.
Nezumi stayed quiet for a bit then looked down at the water, conflicted feelings fighting within him. Reason told him there was nothing to worry about and that it would be stupid to skip on this occasion. But his instinct told him not to go, that this boy was too weird, to unpredictable, too dangerous. Yet, another feeling, much harder to put a name on, pulled him towards Shion, towards the occasion on spending more time with him and seeing his smile. He rose his eyes from the water to meet Shion again. The latter smiled and closed his eyes. “I won’t open them until you get in. I promise.”
Nezumi stayed still for a bit more until slowly taking his clothes off. As promised, Shion didn’t open his eyes and simply leaned his head back. The black-haired boy considered it again, but the wind wrapped its claws around his naked body and he quickly put a foot in the water, then the second before lowering himself in. He leaned his back against the wall of the tub, fully hiding his scar.
The warmth quickly spread in the young man’s bones. He knew that feeling, he was sure he had already felt it before. But when ? Could such a futile feeling have stuck in the few pieces that were left from his childhood ? But it wasn’t futile. Being warm meant being alive.
“I’m in. You can open your eyes it’s fine.” He said.
Shion opened his eyes and grinned. “Isn’t it nice ?” He leaned back against the side of the tub, sighing with a satisfied look on his face. Cravat climbed up a pile of books and jumped on Shion’s hand, watching the water with curiosity. “It’s been a while since I last took a bath, it’s such a good feeling…” He went on, not waiting for Nezumi’s answer. Both of them had their legs tightly folded but their feet still touched although it didn’t really bother them.
A few minutes passed in comfortable silence. Nezumi kept his eyes open, watching Shion pet the mouse. Eventually, the white-haired boy started talking. “I’m sorry.” He simply said. Nezumi furrowed his brows.
“What are you sorry for ?”
“I know we already talked about it, but… sorry for sometimes being a burden to you. I’m trying to learn and be better, but sometimes it’s not enough. You saved my life more times than I can count and even if you said I saved your life, I only did it once. I’m costing you money, time and I’m dragging you into something impossible. I-“
“Stop.”
“I know, I know.” Shion looked down like a kid who had been scolded.
“I’m not saying this to make you shut up. Look at me.” Nezumi said firmly. Shion looked back up, locking his purple eyes in the silver ones. “Thank you for the bath. It was a good idea.” He said with a soft smile.
Shion smiled as well, Nezumi’s thanks were rare and genuine, which made them even more valuable. But it wasn’t enough to make him stop thinking, a bath couldn’t be enough to pay back what he owed Nezumi. He broke eye-contact to take the soap. “Let’s wash ourselves before the water gets cold.” He said while rubbing the soap in his hands, but was interrupted by thin fingers placed on his hands. Their eyes met again.
“Let me do it.” Nezumi looked serious. Shion’s confusion showed on his face.
“Let you do what ?”
“Let me wash your hair.” He said, still no hint of a smile. Shion couldn’t tell if Nezumi was making fun of him or if he was actually offering something. “Relax and let me do it.” He added.
Shion didn’t quite know what to answer so he simply closed his eyes. He felt Nezumi’s thin fingers slip through the almost transparent hair, gently pushing them away from the boy’s face. He then scooped some water with a bowl they usually used for soup and Nezumi slowly poured it on Shion’s head, protecting his face with his hand.
Even though he knew no water would get on his face, Shion kept his eyes closed. He would feel too nervous if he saw Nezumi’s face so close to his own, and it also helped him relax. The downside being he thought even more about what was happening. Why did Nezumi want to wash his hair all of a sudden ? Was it a West block cultural thing he didn’t know about ? Or was it really just because Nezumi wanted him to relax ? He always struggled to understand his friend so much it hurt. Each time he made a step towards him, it felt like he also took a step back. But this time, a big step had been made by Nezumi.
Once Shion’s hair was fully wet, Nezumi applied the soap, putting a light pressure on Shion’s scalp as he massaged it. Instantly, the white haired boy felt his whole body relax and a soft sigh escape his lips. Was he always so sensitive or was it simply because it was Nezumi doing it ? His fingers were so gentle and precise, slipping streaks of hair between them and covering each hair with soap. It felt like a lover’s kiss.
Shion couldn’t think about what this all meant. He couldn’t think about anything anymore. Nezumi seemed to have switched off his constant train of thought with the tip of his fingers. Now the only thing the boy could concentrate on was the sensation on his head and the warmth of the bath warming his bones.
The silence was only enhanced by the water dripping and the mice squeaking, but it was a comfortable, warm silence. They didn’t need words. In fact, Nezumi’s hands spoke louder. When Nezumi tucked Shion’s hair behind his hear, when he slipped his fingers up, caressed the scalp, carefully separating it in two sides, when his thumbs massaged Shion’s temples, it all said I love you in different ways.
Neither of them had really said it out loud. Of course, there was something between them. But the time wasn’t right. Maybe later. If they both survived in the correctional facility, maybe Shion would tell him.
Eventually, Nezumi rinsed Shion’s hair and got up of the tub. Shion’s eyes opened just a bit later as his friend was rubbing himself with a towel.
“Now there’s another thing I owe you…” He muttered.
“No there isn’t. There isn’t anything you owe me. This was a gift, learn to appreciate it.”
Shion smiled lightly and got out as well, rubbing himself vigorously with the towel before quickly putting his clothes back on. He was glad he had this idea. Next time it will be cold, he would definitely do it again.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! To @akuthecactus, my Secret Santa giftee! With a request for angst and drama, I came up with this lovely 4k piece of work. I really hope you enjoy! I had to crank out my old angst playlist for this one. It broke me out of my writer’s block, that’s for sure. Enjoy!
~ @whims-of-insane-fandoms
I CAN’T ERASE YOU
Shion couldn’t help going to sleep and dreaming of Nezumi. He also found he didn’t mind.
It was the only way he could see Nezumi.
In his dreams, he could forget reality and instead dream beautiful things. He could be reliving the time he spent with Nezumi in his house in West Block. He could be dreaming about the two of them living in Shion’s new house between West Block and No. 6, where the walls once stood. He could be dreaming of Nezumi’s beautiful voice singing to him as they watch the stars together. He could be dreaming of the two of them dancing together. He could be dreaming of what could have been if Nezumi had stayed.
Of course, it was all a dream.
Eventually, he woke up and had to face the cold, harsh reality.
Shion curled up in bed, still feeling the lingering warmth of Nezumi – no, the heated blanket that fell off the bed – and wishing for a brief moment that he could stay in his dreams. The alarm in his bedside reminded him that, regardless of his feelings, time went on. His hurt and longing couldn’t be erased but continuing with life helped ease it.
~~ERASE~~
Nezumi was gone.
Nezumi had left him following the collapse of the walls of No. 6 almost four years ago. He had left him alone with the baby, one of Inukashi’s dog and Hamlet. The rest was a haze until his mother found him and the two of them had cried in each other’s arms. Again, that had been almost four years ago.
In all the years following the collapse of the walls and restoration of the government, Shion had not heard from Nezumi. He received no letters, no calls and there were no signs of Nezumi. Not even all the contacts Inukashi and Rikigia had had spotted Nezumi. If it hadn’t been for the empty house he returned to that was filled with books, it would have been as if Nezumi had never existed.
In the first couple of months, Shion lived in denial. He couldn’t believe that Nezumi was gone. No, he refused to believe he was gone. He would find himself going back to that small house filled with books, waiting for hours for Nezumi to come back and coming up with excuses on why he hadn’t come back.
He’s probably haggling in the market.
Maybe he was asked to do another play.
Inukashi probably picked a fight with him.
He made up numerous excuses, everything to forget that Nezumi had left and he might not come back any time soon. Still, he would rather act delusional by pretending he was coming soon. It made the pain less strong.
Inukashi would eventually drag him out by asking for his help with their dogs or asking for help with the baby. They always had a sad expression whenever he asked if they knew when Nezumi was coming back. There were days where they went along with his delusion and said that Nezumi was coming back to the house in a few hours. Other days, they would scream at him that Nezumi was not coming back and to pull yourself together, dammit!
After that breakdown, Shion’s visits to Nezumi’s home became less frequent.
~~ERASE~~
“Good morning, Shion!”
Shion kissed his mom in the cheek as he entered his mother’s shop and he paid for one of her pastries. She didn’t like that he paid her for her own cooking – “Shion, I would cook for you for free.” – but he thought it was the least he could do for her. She smiled and Shion hid his face from her before she could figure out that he’d had another dream about Nezumi. He didn’t want to worry her. He had already done a lot to worry his mom.
“Morning, Mom.” Shion said between bites of the bread she had made that morning.
“Inukashi called,” She said, putting some pastries on display, “They said that there was a new litter of puppies that were born last night, and they would like you to come down to see them.”
Shion nodded, “After breakfast, I’ll go. I can’t believe that the due date was off by one day this time.”
Karan turned to look at him, “You’re skipping work today or starting later?”
“Later,” Shion answered, finishing his bread, “It’s not like the canvas is going anywhere while I go visit the pups.”
“Alright, make sure to not stay too long there. Inukashi gets too huffy when you’re around the dogs too much.”
Shion laughed, “They’re jealous that the dogs might like me more.”
His mom laughed again before glancing at the calendar. Shion could already feel her sadness and worry as she turned to look at him. Nothing needed to be said for him to understand the look in her face as she looked at him. He didn’t want to worry her and, yet, the date had done just that.
“Shion-.”
“I’m fine, Mom.”
“Today makes it four years.”
“I know.”
His mom sighed, “I don’t want you to be alone, especially not today.”
Shion went to hug his mother, who just ran her hands through his hair in the way he was used to. No matter how much time passed, today always hurt and his mom could always tell. Even if he said nothing, she always knew he was hurting. She knew him so much and he wished that he could alleviate his mom’s pain.
“I’ll stay as long as I can with Inukashi and the pups. After, I’ll spend time with little Shion and then I’ll go back home and paint a bit. I’ll call, Mom, okay?”
His mom nodded, brushing stray hair from his face, “I’m here, okay?”
“I know, Mom. Thank you.”
~~ERASE~~
Shion would have frequent nightmares of that day following his time spent denying what had happened. He could vividly remember scenes he never wanted to remember. He would dream of Nezumi being shot, of Nezumi dragging him away from Safu, of losing Safu, of his vision going dark, of Nezumi leaving him behind. . .
He’d wake waking up to find his mom holding him and trying to reassure him. In her arms, Shion had felt safe enough to tell her about the pain he felt. There was a hole in his heart that would not stop hurting because of that day. Not only did he lose his best friend, but, shortly after, the person he loved so much left him behind.
His mom was so kind during those nightmare-filled months. She would ask him to help out with the shop when he could, and she would try to stay awake all night with him if he was too scared to chase the nightmares away. He felt bad for making her go through so much, but she would just kiss his forehead and tell him she would do anything for him.
During that time where he was plagued with nightmares, he would wonder what would have happened if he has asked Nezumi to not leave him. If he had begged, would Nezumi have hesitated to leave? If he had begged, would Nezumi have flicked his forehead before saying that he was just playing with him?
What could have happened if I had asked to Nezumi stay with me?
Why didn’t he stay?
Why did he leave?
Was it my fault?
Did Nezumi leave because of me?
The thoughts of why and what if ate at him. He couldn’t stare at his reflection because he had been so certain that Nezumi had left because of his fault. It was why Nezumi never tried to message him. It was why Nezumi hadn’t come back. It was all his fault. Nezumi was gone because he had done something wrong. It had to be.
The epiphany drove him half mad with guilt and sorrow. On the anniversary of Nezumi’s departure, he ended up destroying his room. He had first started by breaking the mirror that reflected his own face, a face he hated. He had been so disgusted with his face that the rest of his furniture followed, anything to distract him. Before he knew it, it looked as if a storm had blown into his room and he just fell to his knees, uncaring of the glass shards that clung to his body.
It was how his mom had found him.
She had gently held him in her arms as he screamed and cried about how it was his fault that Nezumi had left him and had not come back. That, so long as he was around, Nezumi would never come back. She said nothing throughout it all.
When he had stopped being overwhelmed by his own emotions, his mom spoke. She helped him understand that Nezumi leaving was not his fault. Nezumi had left of his own accord because he wanted to see a world beyond the city of No. 6 that had caused him so much pain.
“Nezumi will come back one day. He loves you, Shion. He loves you so he will come back to you.”
It made Shion think of the promise Nezumi had made to him to return to him. If he had promised such a thing, then that meant that he was going to come back, right? It was a fleeting thought, one that Shion held like a lifeline. His mom rocked him to sleep in her arms as he repeated her words like a mantra.
Nezumi will come back one day because he loves me.
That one day became less likely to happen as days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months.
~~ERASE~~
“So, he comes at last!” Inukashi grinned, hair tied up in a high ponytail as they often did while they were doing hard work with the dogs. They were currently rubbing the fur of one of their dogs while the new mother fed her pups.
Shion smiled back at them, looking at the litter, “Six? My, she had a large litter this year, didn’t she? She’s going to be tired for a while, I can tell. At least the pups are going to have a lot of brothers and sisters to play with. Can I keep one this time?”
“No way.” Inukashi said, rolling their eyes, “The kids stay here.”
Shion pretended to whine, “Come on, I’ve been wanting a dog for a while now. Don’t rob me of my dreams to have a pet dog.”
“Keep dreaming, hopeless artist.” Inukashi replied, face caught in a pout, “The only thing you can do is name them, if you want. Just don’t get too attached since you’re not keeping any of them. Got it?”
“Yes, I got it!” Shion said.
As he watched the pups eat and planned their names, he felt Inukashi tap their shoulder. He looked up to see Inukashi looking fidgety. That was new. He was confused before he remembered what day it was again. He sighed. Not Inukashi too.
“Say, Shion-.”
“I’m fine.” Shion sighed again before pointing at one of the pups, “That one has a bunch of spots on their fur, it’s almost like they have stars. Maybe Romeo or Juliet because they’re star-crossed lovers?”
“Are you really fine or are you just saying that?”
Shion turned to look up at Inukashi, “I’m fine. Really.”
Inukashi stared at him, still looking a bit awkward. They weren’t good with offering comfort. It was obvious with the way they acted with baby Shion all those years ago. It was sweet of them to think he needed comfort, nevertheless. It did make him love his friend more than he already did.
“Listen, when that bastard comes back, you bet that I am punching him right in that smug face!” Inukashi said, cracking their knuckles, “Might punch him once or twice after that. Maybe four times, after the years he’s been gone. What do you think?”
“I think that you’re getting soft.” Shion teased.
Inukashi turned red, looking away. They were so nice but Shion didn’t want to worry them too. He already worried his mom enough. He didn’t need to do the same to Inukashi. Did everyone see him vulnerable still, to the point that Nezumi’s name was avoided whenever they wanted to mention him?
The nightmares had vanished, and he had stopped crying so much from the dreams and painful memories. All that chased him were his dreams but those never hurt him. He was fine. Really.
“I’m just. . . I heard from your mom about what happened to you during these days. That bastard did it and he’s not here to do something about. I thought I. . . You know you can stay here with the dogs, right? I won’t pitch a fit or anything.”
“I’m fine, Inukashi, it’s been four years. I’m better. I have a lot of work that I need to do. Time doesn’t stop just because today is the day Nezumi left or anything,” Shion lowered his voice, looking up at the beautiful sky, “Besides, I’m ready to just let go of that pain now.”
“Huh?”
Shion shook his head, “Let’s just focus on the pups, okay? What do you think? Romeo or Juliet for that spotted puppy?”
Inukashi made a face before finally saying, “Neither, I’m not naming them after some characters from an old book.”
“Aw, come on!”
~~ERASE~~
Shion occupied himself working with his mom in the bakery, helping Inukashi with their dogs and even taking care of baby Shion. He eventually worked enough to get his own house, and, with a heavy heart, he left his mom’s home. His house, once located where the walls used to stand, soon became filled with memories. Pictures of his friends and family adorned the walls and reminded him of the beauty the world offered.
It was this reminder and the pictures that made him remember that he didn’t have a single picture of Nezumi. The thought had terrified him, especially when time went by so fast. He became scared of one day forgetting. He was scared that he could cease to remember that face. At least he had pictures of Safu to remember her by. He had nothing like that for Nezumi.
Shion decided to take up painting to help.
He started with crude images, ones that Inukashi would laugh about and Rikigia would chastise them about. His mom would offer support for his hobby by finding him art supplies and plenty of white canvases. It would take months of practice for him to get good and he knew when he was good when Inukashi finally praised his art.
Rikigia sold the paintings he had done as practice and, pretty quickly, people started asking for more. His mom supposed that people longed for art to help them get over all the hurt that they had gone through. Shion understood the sentiment, and he started working as a full-time painter. He painted No. 6, West Block, people, the foliage, the animals, and the sky.
His most famous work became a painting of Safu adorned by white lilies, dancing in the sky. The painting had been created to remember his best friend, to offer a tribute to the girl he had known most of his life. It had helped him move on from her death and find some kind of peace. People loved his work and hailed him as the greatest artist of their time. It was incredibly flattering, to say the least.
When he finally felt like he was ready, Shion began painting Nezumi.
He began with the distinctive hair and face shape before painting his eyes. In his dreams, instead of nightmares, he dreamed of being together with his mom, Inukashi, baby Shion, Rikigia, Safu and Nezumi. What he dreamt motivated to continue the painting, to dream of a reality where Safu had lived and Nezumi had stayed by his side. He painted the eyes and made a silent wish to the canvas on the second anniversary of that day.
Before I finish this painting, Nezumi will come back home.
Requests came flooding in, so he put the painting on hold. People wanted their portraits draws or portraits of loved ones they had lost two years ago. Shion obliged. If painting had helped him with Safu’s death and helped him cope with Nezumi’s departure, then he could help others do the same.
Before he knew it, the third anniversary of that day came.
Instead of making him be hurt, it made Shion feel angry.
He had waited.
He almost trashed his studio as he kicked his furniture and yelled angrily. He cursed at Nezumi because he kept waiting and still nothing. He kept waiting! He was angry at Nezumi because he said he would come back. Why wasn’t he back?!
“Don’t come back then, you idiot!” He had screamed at the incomplete painting of Nezumi, “I don’t care if you don’t come back! Get out of my head and let me move on!”
The painting didn’t say anything as he screamed at it. It was just a painting. All it could do was stand propped where he had placed it. The incomplete eyes of Nezumi that seemed to pierce his soul made him feel worse than he did.
The next day, Shion hid the painting of the attic. He covered it in a white blanket and never went up to the attic to see it again. He was done chasing after a memory, crying over a memory.
Waiting for someone who was never coming back. . . it was a useless thing to do.
Only the dreams were able to comfort him.
~~ERASE~~
Shion walked down familiar roads, hoping Inukashi would not follow because they were worried about him. He didn’t like that his mom and Inukashi looked at him with such worried faces because of what today was.
He couldn’t be weighed down by thoughts of Nezumi anymore if he was going to continue going through the day. He didn’t have that luxury during the day, during reality. Besides, he couldn’t be crying or whining like a child anymore. He was an adult. He shouldn’t be crying at this point.
Crying would not make Nezumi come back.
Shion stopped in front of Nezumi’s house, taking a deep breath before entering. The house looked like he remembered it. Well, almost. He was sure that there was a bag that hadn’t been there before thrown on the ground. He dismissed it because it was probably Inukashi’s.
He entered, walking past the bookshelves. For a brief moment, he thought he saw someone, but he ignored it as he grabbed the copy of Macbeth that was misplaced. He put it back where it belonged before looking around the house. The familiar longing and hurt threatened to bubble out and explode.
“Nezumi. . . I have faced reality.”
Nezumi was never coming back.
Shion was ready to let go of the foolish thought that he was coming back.
“I’m tired of waiting,” Shion said, heading to the exit, “I can’t believe in reunion anymore. I’m sorry, but I’m ready to forget you now. Forget that you were here, forget the time we spent together, forget that I love you. I can’t go on if I can’t erase you.”
Four years without any word from the one he loved. Four years wishing and hoping for his return. Four years filled with tears and screams that he couldn’t get back. He was done. Even if it hurt, he was going to stop believing in Nezumi. The Nezumi that lived in his dreams only existed there. The real Nezumi. . . was nothing but a memory.
“Goodbye, Nezumi,” He said, beginning to close the door to leave the house, “Just stay in my memories and dreams. That’s the only way you can exist now.”
The sound of books falling made him pause as he closed the door. Long enough for him to hear a very familiar voice.
“Shion!”
I’m dreaming.
The door was flung open, making him almost fall. Someone grabbed his hand with desperation and Shion’s traitorous heart began to race. His eyes widened as, before his eyes, Nezumi was standing right in front of him.
“Nezumi. . .?”
The hair was longer, but it was still Nezumi’s. His beautiful gray eyes, although filled with so much emotion he couldn’t immediately place, were the same eyes from his dreams and memories. He was slightly taller, and he was dressed in different clothes – except for that scarf, that oh so familiar scarf – but he was undeniably Nezumi.
“It is you!” Nezumi cried out, looking relieved, his grip on his hand tightening, “I was half-asleep when I heard someone come in but hearing your voice, I knew it had to be you. I didn’t know how I was going to find you this time, but you came to me. I-.”
“I’ve cracked.” Shion half-laughed, “Haunting my dreams isn’t enough anymore. Now I’m seeing him in reality. Why?”
“No, you’re not.” Shion said, trying to get away from the cruel illusion his disillusioned heart had created, “Nezumi isn’t coming back to me. Nezumi’s gone.”
Nezumi had left him four years ago. Nezumi had never come back to him. Nezumi, despite loving him, left him and never came back. That was the truth, wasn’t it?
“Shion, snap out of it dammit!” Nezumi shouted, eyebrows knitted as he frowned, “Don’t make me punch you in the face for me to prove it! Why are you acting like this?”
“Why? Why? Why is this so unfair?” Shion asked, feeling a single tear roll down his cheeks, “Why did you come back into my life when I just finally decided to let you go?”
The cruel devil’s face looked hurt before pulling him toward him, enveloping him in a hug. The warmth – not a blanket’s warmth, his warmth – made the tears fall faster. Nezumi’s fingers threaded through Shion’s hair and the touch was too real.
“I’m sorry, Shion,” Nezumi whispered with so much tenderness that it felt like a dream, “I made you wait a very long time, didn’t I?”
“I hate you,” Shion sobbed, even if he didn’t mean it, “I kept waiting for you. Like some idiot, I waited for you and you never came. Why now?”
“You don’t hate me,” Nezumi said, holding Shion closer, “I was held up, but I managed to come back. I didn’t lie that I would come back to you. I’m sorry that I made you wait so long that it’s hurt you like this. Shion, I’m sorry.”
Shion sobbed, weakly pounding his fists against Nezumi’s chest. Nezumi made no move to stop him and Shion felt he deserved it. All the pain from before that he had hidden in his heart just flooded out. Despite it all, Nezumi did nothing but hold him.
At one point, Shion couldn’t feel the strength to continue hitting Nezumi. Nezumi put a finger under Shion’s chin and just offered him a small smile. Shion’s lower lip wobbled but he couldn’t muster any tears anymore.
“Look at you,” Nezumi said, wiping away the tear tracks in Shion’s face, “I’ve really hurt you, haven’t I? No apology can take away all those years of pain. I know that. Still. . . I’m glad that you waited and you still. . . and you still love me, even after what I did to you.”
Nezumi kissed Shion’s forehead and Shion wrapped his arms around Nezumi’s neck, burying his face in the other’s neck. Nezumi held him tighter, as if he could somehow erase the distance between the two of them. Shion’s heart ached but Nezumi was here. He was holding him, apologizing to him, kissing him. Nezumi was real and he was so warm.
“Nezumi. . . welcome back. . .”
Nezumi quietly led him to the bed and they laid down together. Nezumi cradled Shion’s head as he gave him soft kisses. For every day he missed, Nezumi said with a smirk as he got Shion to muster a smile. Nezumi softly told him about how he spent his years, but the words seemed to blend for Shion in that moment.
Nezumi’s voice, the voice that haunted his dreams, now soothed the wounds in his heart. He didn’t care too much about what Nezumi was saying. All he cared about was that he could hear Nezumi because Nezumi was here, here after four years of Shion having to use the dreams as a way to see and hear the one he loved.
“Are you listening?”
“Mmhmm,” Shion lied, smiling weakly as Nezumi huffed.
“Whatever, I guess I can tell you about the beach later, then.”
Shion curled closer to Nezumi, hearing his heartbeat, and feeling the rise and fall of his chest, “Just tell me about the stars you saw. I like hearing about the stars.”
When Nezumi began to sing for him as he gently ran his hands through his hair, Shion was scared to fall asleep. If he fell asleep, he was scared that he’d wake up in the empty house and he had imagined this after all. He couldn’t take it if it happened. He wouldn’t be able to handle that hurt if it happened.
“Sleep,” Nezumi reassured him, “and when you wake up, I’ll still be here. I’m not going anywhere.”
When Shion woke up hours later and Nezumi’s smiling face greeted him, it finally hit him that everything was real.
“I love you, Nezumi. After everything, it’s still you.”
“I never stopped loving you, Shion. I won’t let you forget that.”
It took four years but Nezumi fulfilled his promise.
My name is Maja, and it's a Germanic, Slavian and Scandinavian form of the Greek name 'Maia'. It's also a Swedish short-form of Mary/Maria. It means 'the loved', 'gift' and my favorite meaning is 'to dress in leaves and flowers'. In Hindi it also means 'beloved' and 'daughter'.
3: What position do you normally sleep in?
Usually a bit or very curled on on my side, but sometimes on my back or stomach. It varies. :'D
