Sep 10, 2022
People are surprised alfred fucks, not because he's old, but because he's british
You’re 100% right anon, they’re way too polite and proper to do that
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People are surprised alfred fucks, not because he's old, but because he's british
You’re 100% right anon, they’re way too polite and proper to do that
I’m not the biggest statetalia fan but the idea of Alfred having 50 something “kids” just loose, wandering around, is pretty comical
it's objectively hilarious
but also, to the people that mess with statetalia and make the states alfred's kids, as in biological children as i've seen more than once before, you all imply that alfred fucks. you imply that he fucks severely. and that is a lot of power (and credit) to give this man. this also implies that they're all younger than him, which historically wouldn't be true. depending on your interpretations, some would be near his age, if not the same age or even older.
I wonder if people are surprised that Alfred fucks because they're drinking the "desexualization of the elderly" koolaid? (Old people, especially attractive old people like Alfred, have sex, get over it! *aimed at them not you, obvs*)
THANK you anon! Alfred fucks and I’m proud to say that I’ve done my part to add to the regretfully small amount of Alfred smut on ao3!
YOU KNOW WHO ELSE FUCKS? MA AND PA KENT. (I'm in ur fandom, sexualizing ur "cute wholesome grandpas")
the people hated anon...because they told them the truth
🌻! :D
Jeremy Irons’ Alfred is extremely hot AND hot because he’s in charge
okay but I love this alfred fucks idea! I bet he was a looker when he was younger, and like Jude Law, his thinning hair doesn't detract from his attractiveness. also he's a good man, so he's Definitely not into younger women. I Cannot see him going after 20 and 30 year olds. Alfred is a practical man, and even though he's probably only in his 50s, he just has too much respect for women (and himself) to go out of his age group. (he also thinks it's pathetic and creepy when he sees men his age with women who could be their granddaughters).
Young Jude Law was exactly what I was imagining, too! And that man is still damn hot, today. I’ve always said, it’s not the hairline, but the confidence.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Batman - All Media Types Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Alfred Pennyworth/inanimate object, mentioned Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne Characters: Alfred Pennyworth, Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent (mentioned), sexy alien fertility statue Additional Tags: i'm not gonna lie i have no idea how to tag this, alfred fucks, Alien Gender/Sexuality, Inanimate Objects, until they animate wink wink, Alien Culture, Vaginal Sex, Alien Rituals, Mildly Dubious Consent, Old Age, is he hot? yes, but he's also like in his 60's, and i stand by that, Hand Jobs, Dream Sex, or was it??, Pagan Gods, actually very tender smut tbh, Fluff and Smut, Porn With Plot, minimal plot, but i tried, i didn't make my beta read this because that would be cruel, The Author Regrets Nothing Summary:
In hindsight, Alfred really shouldn’t have touched the statue.