#alisha rambles

[brooklynbis]

brb re-entering my 5sos era, who wants to join

[letsbeallpoeticandshityo]

sights from bisbee, arizona 7/? | the boys outside bisbee mining & historical museum

[brooklynbis]

harry ending fine line with ‘we’ll be alright’ has same vibes as 5sos ending sounds good feels good with ‘you know it’s gonna get better’

we really do stan some Icons huh

[brooklynbis]

one direction turned up as loud as ur headphones will go is the best therapy

[letsbeallpoeticandshityo]

kyoto bowl, tempe arizona

[captainquinnybear]

Pretty sure night shifts are actually destroying my body lol. I feel like my anxiety in my chest has been so much worse 😭😭

[alishatheninth]

I have five hours to memorize an eight-minute speech which I have to recite word for word without notes. This is perfectly do-able but it does require focus.

Things my brain is throwing up instead of focusing:

- pretty robot horses

- working steadily towards a goal that looks hopeless, despite the hopelessness, is the only way that goal will ever be achieved.

- caring and nurturing is a trap. You do it for a bit because it needs to be done and then everyone goes "oh, you're a Caring and Nurturing Person" and gets mad when you don't do more or don't do it perfectly. Whereas if you get pigeonholed as eccentric, brilliant, organised, hard-working, absentminded or creative, nobody judges you for not being nurturing. So it's best to make it clear that you're a bitch straight up, at every possible opportunity. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[alishatheninth]

I started writing a fanfic and it's now 6 chapters and 15,000 words in my gmail drafts folder. I think I know how to finish it but there's this big part that comes next labelled "fucked-up stuff happens" before "bittersweet cathartic ending I have somewhat planned".

The thing is, I am bad at ideas for "fucked-up stuff happens". I was a middle manager for 17 years, I naturally gravitate to the Stop Fucked-up Things Happening response to everything and so do my characters. Fanfic is easy because often you are given a tailor-made fucked-up situation and can have the fun of de-escalating, or at least coast on the audience's knowledge of fucked-up potential (this is why it's fun to write fanfic where a horrible villain gets to not be a villain). But often you gotta escalate. Catharsis only works if things get heavy first.

And this thing is... well, it's probably not worth rewriting as original fiction. But about 60% of the characterisation is headcanon, the themes are my own, I could trivially change genders and names and do a worldbuilding switcheroo for one of my own, add a B-plot, rewrite to include a lot more of the description one tends to leave out of fanfic of visual media, and it might actually unlock something in me and make the whole thing more than its undignified origins. It's also really nice to have not posted anything, it means I can go back and change whatever I like, and insert whatever Feelings are motivating me today. One can add whole layers in the redrafting phase. Like "this character is meant to be angry and volatile but she's coming across as resigned and pragmatic, like characters written by me tend to do. ADD ANGER HERE."

It also means nobody would ever read it, and tbh that's maybe just as well... but I always did want to write a novel. The only way to find out if you can write a novel is to try.