Political affiliations of 39 Clues Characters by a Girl That's Too into Politics and Too Online
Going off of vibes mainly but also some of them do show their whole ass in the series so they made it easy for me. *Cough* Ian *cough*
Disclaimer: I love everyone, I am roasting them lovingly. Except for JAKE.
Amy Cahill - Average white liberal girl. Pronouns in bio. Land acknowledgement at the start of every Cahill meeting. Always says "Listen to x voices." Unfortunately frequently dates men that are "politically neutral" 💔
Dan Cahill - Normie. Knows enough about politics to make memes about it (would really be into the current Kirkification jokes) but doesn't really know a lot about it and doesn't care to. It bums him out.
Ian Kabra - ... Oh boy.
Ian is complicated because he's smart enough to know better but he's literally a Tory rip. He's that annoying British person that (rightfully) criticizes America constantly but thinks Europe is somehow exempt from all those problems. Pulls out all the big words like "colonialism" and "imperialism" when talking about America but has definitely said at some point "we're not obsessed with race here like you guys are in America." *Insert "Does he know?" image* He will be joking all day about Donald Trump, has a field day when Charlie Kirk bites the bullet, but gets rage baited on Twitter (by Cara) about the Queen dying because "joking about that is SO disrespectful." Inshallah he gets class consciousness soon because he could be suchhhh a good champagne socialist. Cara do something.
Natalie Kabra - Low key feel like she might get into the divine feminine thing. Like she's already so snobby and ridiculous (loving) I can totally see her saying shit like "I don’t chase, I attract" "I don't grind, I align" "holding space" and shit about Mercury retrograde causing Ian to be in his feminine energy or something. Always talking about seeking a high value man as if she's not literally the most high femme lesbian ever.
Jonah Wizard - Jonah WILL be the next 2Pac. He clearly is not the shallow artist that he used to be and that everyone thinks he is. He genuinely cares about people and art. I can very much see him be vocally socialist and incorporate leftist themes and iconography in his music. Black Panthers themed song and music video by Jonah Wizard when?
Hamilton Holt - Wholesome gym bro leftist. Making TikToks on how to get shredded to protect vulnerable people at protests. Physically fights counter protesters.
Jake Rosenbloom - most obnoxious liberal man you've ever met. Epitome of the performative man reading feminist literature and drinking matcha. Has a "Met God, She's Black" T-shirt. Always talks about the importance of "listening to x voices" and then immediately speaks over said marginalized voices. Low key like Hasan. Omg wait this is literally him
Cara Pierce - Demsoc that could transform into actual socialist. Dealing with her father - the epitome of corrupt American politics, capitalism, and imperialism - radicalized her. Loves Zohran Mamdani and was low key a Bernie bro. She definitely reads a lot of political history books and theory. Leans a little bit too much on the side of "theory bro" or "philosophy bro" just arguing semantics and playing devil's advocate on Reddit (hashtag women in men's fields) but eventually she will go outside and do something though, I'm sure of it, and that's when Ian is gonna get bullied into stopping his nonsense once and for all.
Sinead Starling - biased perhaps (hashtag Sineamy) but she is genuinely such a lesbian feminist to me. Her main priority is feminism, all her politics stem from what will lead to women's liberation.
Nellie Gomez - An anarchist, always talks about how punk is political and she lives that shit. She has blue hair and pronouns and a septum piercing, she WILL firebomb a Walmart.
Alistair Oh - he's just a capitalist tbqh. Whatever sells his microwaveable burritos. Really into the stock market.
Irina Spasky - COMRADE AND CANON I ❤️ MY TANKIE DIVA
Anyways that's it, hope you enjoyed or it made you frown and click away.
