#alksjf

[blankspace17]

it would be....gorgeous...to meet taylor 

[nxsilhouette]

Liamcito, que lo refrena de servirse al rubiales??? -eyes emoji

"Es que. . , humn, es más joven que yo, mucho más jóven y tiene más energía. Cuando él tenga mi edad seré un abuelo y sería raro frenar sus oportunidades de tener a alguien joven, ya sabes como es esto."

[keithsangstyass]

favorite moments from work thus far:

-the oven buttons stopped working, i couldn’t turn it off or change the time or anything. co-worker jokingly suggests that i smack the buttons. i do it. oven works. we both die of laughter.

-was talking to a co-worker when a knife got hucked from one side of the room to the other to land in the sink. it arched perfectly from one side of the doorway to the other. didnt see who threw it.

-had two racks of bread in the oven. left to go to lunch, asked another co-worker to take them out. come back. see only one rack. ‘oh co-worker must’ve bagged on already-...’ [looks in oven to see charred remains of what used to be bread]

-dude who came up to get rolls and began insisting that we were giving him out of date rolls and not the freshest because it was the 5th when it was actually the 3rd. he said that daylight savings made it the 5th. the struggle to maintain composure was so difficult.

-the co-worker that said she’d never wear daisy dukes bc everyone would get entranced by her “muscly legs” and be unable to do their work (one of my co-workers had to go step inside the cooler bc she couldn’t stop from laughing)

-that time my old manager hucked a cookie at my co-worker, it fell on the floor, and he picked it up and ate it.

-me singing the duck song and watching the life drain from my co-worker’s eyes bc they know it’s going to be playing on repeat in their heads for days.

-one of the older ladies finding out about llamas with hats and me, her, and one of my co-workers repeatedly quoting it back and forth to each other

-me and one of my co-workers came up with an elaborate backstory for the rat that caused the black plague. named him georgy. he’s from jersey and everytime we talk about him we use ‘jersey’ accents. also the rat’s a sniper and his proper title is “georgy from jersey the first of his name” [spoken in a ‘jersey’ accent]

-me and same co-worker also have an elaborate backstory about a fantasy land. he’s the princess of the unicorns, i’m the princess of the fairies. all of management are leprechauns and we hate them. also the fairies are addicted to pixie dust and unicorns poop skittles.

-thanks to aforementioned fantasy story, co-worker’s nickname is ‘sparkleturd’

-everybody when the holidays start to hit: i fucking hate steak rolls

[yomielworld]

Look at me, reblogging old ass MediEvil posts like a fr i kincgn hipster

[committromney]

Dear Moby Dick House of Kabob, you are making it really hard for me to write this essay right now because every time I search "circle imagery in Moby Dick" all that comes up is your GODDAMNED RESTARAUNT

[mexi-doodler]

Oh shit

I forgot it was hourly comic day....welp

[maggiiemariee]

You Belong To Me-Carla Bruni

[drowsyblood]

Just met my new nephew!