#all this time...

[castintothepod]

What the hell do you mean Antigone isn't pronounced Anti-gone, but Ann-tea-goh-nee what the hell what what the fuck

[official-virtual-hug-dealer]

Latest messages sent:

My blood-work results came back

Turns out I have a vitamin D deficiency

And I'm anemic

Which means three pills a day, not including the depression/anxiety meds we still need to work out

And I can't swallow pills with water

And I can't have dairy with my iron supplements

So if you ever need applesauce we'll probably be stocked up for the next three months at least

ffffffffuuuuuuunnnnnnn

[birf]

just realized “meirl” says “me irl” and not just some guy named “meirl”

[lovelylapins]

you... you guys are getting paid for doing drabble prompts??

[d0nghyuck]

this cannot be real omg

[gabe-dasha]

I just came here to share a fragment of my thoughts on how I discovered I was asexual (I'm still like shocked by all of it, so yall will be hearing about it), because I think in some parts I got exceptionally poetic and some people might even relate

[...]

I learned by observing. And I very soon clocked that a pretty person = imagining having sex with them. So naturally at some point, I tried it myself. I think you are starting to see the issue here. I thought about the first attractive person that came to mind, probably a celebrity, and I sort of built up this image of two people in bed on top of each other and plastered faces on them. AND I SHUDDERED AT THE THOUGHT. I was like "What the hell even is that? No, I cannot imagine doing that with them! They are married and probably have children! No!"

But I did continue to do it with other people who were generally considered "hot". It was sort of like trying on clothes and trying to find the perfect one. I was literally looking, searching for my sexual attraction. It's gotten to the point that I sometimes really don't control it.

I need to stop though, now that I know that I don't have to. Because I obviously keep doing it, all the time, at this point almost without thinking. But it still retained the mechanism. Like I said, the main difference (which I learned like last month) is that other people just feel it. I have to look for it.

The same way people naturally feel sad when someone dies or feel happy when they have, I don't know, passed a test. For me, I had to consciously imagine "Oh, handsome person. What if I had sex with them?"

Like when you hear sad or happy news, you don't take a conscious decision "I should be sad now" and you start crying, or "I should be happy at this" and start smiling. Like no, it’s a thing we do without thinking.

And apparently it's the same with desire. For most people in any case.

Like if you look at it the "Inside out" way, it's like an alarm going off inside their head and an image of sex pops up on the big screen, while the little people behind the console stare at it like hypnotised. For me it's a button under a glass case in a drawer that I have to get to first. And then all the emotions look at the picture displayed and they're like "thank you, next."

Yes, I do still entertain the idea of having sex one day, as an expression of love between partners. I even get excited thinking of the sensation. Like my body goes "I need to be touched NOW" and I'm like "woah chill out, we're trying to sleep here."

But like it's never been directed at or caused by another person.

And it feels like everyone came with a premagnetized piece of metal to help them look for a partner, while I got plastic. I point it at people and it doesn't react. I am capable of recognising someone is attractive. But it's just a quality to me. It's sort of devoid of its meaning.

[...]

Does it feel like I'm forcing it? Seeking attention? Desperately trying to belong? Yes, obviously it does. Not a day goes by without me gaslighting myself that I simply haven't met the right person yet and all this asexuality thing is actually a lie and obviously not something that happens to people who are as regular as me.

But then I look at asexual memes and I'm like "why is it all so relatable?"

And apparently questioning yourself is also what almost all aces do. It's hard to know you feel no sexual attraction, if you don't even know what it feels like. And it’s also hard to exist in a world where it seems to play such a role.

[...]

Do I fear that the world will hate me? Sure as heck I do. One moment it might not seem a big deal, but the next I can already see everyone either turning away from me, becoming distant or even pitying me. To be fair I don't even know which of these is the worst. I don't want people to make me feel like I am somehow disabled or mentally ill or maybe even forsaken by God.

Most days I don't feel like I'm in a way broken. Some days I feel like I am. But a definitely bigger part of it is feeling that the world will see me as broken. While I'm just like “guys it's just attraction. What's so bad about me not being attracted to anyone? I don't see what is such a big deal.” But that may be because I never saw it as a big deal. I do not know. It might be a big deal for them…

It was never a significant part of my life. Because it was never a part of my life.

[...]

I do also fear I will never find that one person who will just smile at me and go “that doesn't change anything. I'll still gladly spend time with you and talk to you and go on adventures with you.”

I want someone who will treat my asexuality like they treat me not liking coffee. I know everyone likes coffee, but I don't and it's just one of my many qualities. How about we don't treat it as a wall to jump over, but just live and sometimes maybe even joke about it in a respectful manner. How about, instead of “you don't know what you’re missing” or “I wanted to get coffee, such a shame you can't join me”, we say “oh no, it’s coffee! Whatever shall we do? No, I'm kidding, obviously, I know you're more of a tea person” and we both start snickering.

I want to love with philia and with agape and be loved that way in return.

[ishallsimpforeternity]

I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE CREEPY MARIO GAME THAT TRAUMATISED ME AS A KID IS REAL???? ITS AN ARG HORROR GAME??? THAT SHIT SCARED ME SO BAD WHEN I WAS LITTLE AND IVE THOUGHT FOR YEARS IT WASNT REAL??? OH MY GOD???