#allamericangh0ul

[allamericangh0ul]

patience is a virtue

but are we really going to let another year go by

while we remain ships in the night?

it’s not taking it slow, it’s letting go

if you want to be a ghost, be a ghost

but just know the more you haunt the more it hurts

if i get by, if i survive

at least i can say i have myself

at least i can say i did it all on my own

every storm, i steered the ship through

every war, i made peace treaties

i didn’t have any army, i didn’t have a crew

and you don’t seem to have a clue

alright…i’m weak, i'm a coward

alright, i’ll admit i need you

i need to see you on the horizon

i need a guiding light

nested on the crest of the ocean

i can dream all i want but i can’t find a way out

my tunnels always collapse, my light always burns out

the least you could do is show your face

shine a light in the night

tell me one day it’ll be alright

a sickness i don’t understand

feel like i crushed glue sticks in my hands

i can only think to cry

but it’s a grease fire

i’m going to dive into the sea

and you’ll have to find me

i’ll sink into the deep

follow where the fish go

they know they can feed off my bones

take your time if you’d like

but the longer you take

the more i’ll be eaten up

how much of me did you want?

i always got the feeling i was much too much anyway

so, i’ll feed the beasts instead of becoming one

will you let the ocean kill me?

do you find it thrilling?

i can smell the melancholy in the air

they always liked me better as an idea, didn’t they?

in the womb, they dreamed of me

and after, they’ll think of false memories fondly

“what she could’ve been” if only I’d the chance to live

simple minds love a plain white canvas

the rats have rallied around me

i'm black the death

i’m being thrashed on the rocks

can you spot my white flag

in the crashing waves?

i’ll wail like a siren

to draw you in

take your time if you’d like

the longer you take

the more i break

how strong do you think i should be?

i was always told i was too sensitive

so, i won’t cry over this, but i might die instead

will you watch as i turn the water red?

would you be able to spot me then?

do you like me better as an idea too?

is something tangible too much for you?

is it easier to imagine me dead?

-- allamericangh0ul

[allamericangh0ul]

we're in different worlds

we're on different clocks

your breath of life

the death of mine

your words like daggers

you don't see me stagger

please leave me in my tower

the start of spring, the final hour

the thundering drums

the solemn hum

all i can do is

have my storms

hurl my words

i'm at war with the world

please let me

pull away

for summer days

if you get too close when i've nowhere to go

if you take too much when i've nothing to give

i don't know if i'll rise again come autumn days

don't cry when caught in crossfire gone wild

this isn't my season

there's no better reason

just take the heading

while i take my beating

-allamericangh0ul

[allamericangh0ul]

my tears are falling

my tears are pouring out

and all i'm left with is

star showers and wilted flowers

as i try to pass the hours

i miss your charted stars

your pumped up heart

i try to bend with the wind

dancing like we did

but i break apart

shattered glass mosaic on the concreate

and i just can't let go and accept defeat

my tears are falling

my heart is pouring out

i miss your ever growing garden

you let me be a part of, but

no flowers rest upon the stone

and i just can't let go, until i know

how do you resurrect an old friend?

someone who wanted you dead?

tell me, will it all be worth it in the end?

my heart is breaking

i just can't take it

unsure of what to do

with your catatonic clues

i try to lay in the grave you made

but i fall

and i fall

and i fall

and fall

and fall

and fall

and i just can't shut up about how

you left me deserted. did i deserve it?

did i not take the new year hard enough?

dodge a bullet i shouldn't of?

you're just going to ignore me,

begging and pleading?

you're just going to leave me,

sobbing and grieving?

why don't you just kill me?

kick me 'til i'm keeling

then just leave me,

knowing and bleeding

look at the monsters i've birthed

from all this agony. are you proud of me?

-allamericangh0ul

[allamericangh0ul]

tis the season of my favorite song