i realized tonight that the reason i forget things & that im so gullible & that i even NEED therapy is because repression is the main coping mechanism i’ve been using my entire life & so big chunks of my life are forgotten because i do so much to repress things, beginning with big things like just exactly how bad i felt when i was going to kill myself the first time, but turning into me repressing any negative emotion and giving in to other people in every argument because i forget what my point is. and since i’ve been sad a lot here recently, my memory is getting worse because there are more negative things to repress. & what really sucks is that people have noticed that i do that. my own girlfriend told me that i don’t deal with my emotions & i try to wipe them away before i even begin to feel them. and i denied it when she said it but actually she was 100% correct, but i just wasn’t ready to hear that yet. so what was common knowledge for other people just became an earth shattering reality to me and i literally wanted to kill myself just a few minutes ago because this is so much. i’ve forgotten so much of my own life.