Midnight Pals: Holyrood
[mysterious circle of robed figures] JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: what newssss from the kingdomsss Kathleen Stock: terrible bone-chilling news, dark lord!! Rowling: sspeak Stock: well, you know the holyrood? Rowling: Rowling: the what
Stock: you know, the holyrood Rowling: Stock: it's the scottish parliament Rowling: OH Rowling: yeah yeah of courssse Rowling: i totally know what that iss Rowling: not like i'm ssome carpetbagger or ssomething here haha Rowling: born and bred right here in thiss sscottish casstle, that's me haha
Stock: anyway, the holyrood Rowling: right, the holyrood Rowling: and that's a real thing, this holyrood? Stock: yeah it's totally real Rowling: i'm jussst assking cuz it kinda ssoundss like ssomething i'd make up in one of my bookss Rowling: you're not funning me are you? Stock: never, dark lord!
Stock: they just had elections for the holyrood, dark lord! Rowling: oh good! i'm ssure that after our relentless decade-long campaign of public transsphobia and the institutional capture of all british media and government that not a ssingle transs persson wass elected, right? Stock:
Rowling: becausssse i feel like, after all we've done to banish them from public life, the bare minimum metric for successsss would be that they can't get elected to office, right? Stock: Rowling: right? Stock: Rowling: right?
Stock: actually your dark lord you are now represented in the holyrood by a [mumbles] Rowling: what wass that? Stock: [mumbles] Rowling: i didn't quite get that Julie Bindel: she said [mumbles]
Rowling: foolss!! idiotss!! bumbling nincompoopssss! Rowling: once again, you fail me! Rowling: i think you'll find that the dark lord'ss patience hass limitsss Stock: no, dark lord! Rowling: kathleen, hand over your secret blueberry inflation erotica stash Stock: no, dark lord!!!!! Stock: no!!!!!!!
Rowling: julie bindel!! Bindel: [wearing tape over mouth to signify the erasure of gender critical viewpoints from media] mmff? Rowling: you're not fit to wear that tape! [rips off tape] Bindel: nooo! that stings!!! Bindel: oh the pain! Bindel: how hard it is being a uterus-haver!!!
Rowling: allison bailey! Rowling: you know what i want from you Allison Bailey: [clutching briefcase] i Bailey: i don't know what you're talking about Rowling: hand over your ssspaghetti Bailey: spaghetti? haha what are you talking about Bailey: these are important legal briefs














