#allison shepard

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Aegri Somnia (Troubled Dreams) - Chapter 1

New longfic has started! Aegri Somnia details that month of shore leave between the end of ME1 and beginning of ME2:

The threat of the Reapers has been held at bay with the defeat of Saren and Sovereign. The Citadel Council has been saved, albeit at the expense of many Alliance lives. With the Normandy in dock for repairs and shore leave ordered for the whole crew, Kaidan invites Allison Shepard to join him on his planned shore leave to Casablanca and Vancouver.

What starts off as fun and responsibility-free time together begins to unwind as the dreams Allison has been having since Eden Prime resurface with more frightening visuals. And when news of Terra Nova under threat from batarian terrorists filters through, Kaidan begins to see a side of Allison he'd never suspected would exist.

Aegri Somnia - literal translation 'A Sick Man's Dreams', taken from Ars Poetica by Horace.

Read Chapter 1 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/34388863/chapters/85577668

Chapter 1 is 3.1k words, overall fic rated M for canon-typical violence and mature language

Chapters to be posted every other Friday

[kadaransmuggler]

I commissioned @couriers-mile for a piece of my Allison Shepard and he did such a phenomenal job at bringing her to life!

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Realisations

Kaidan Alenko realises the moment he fell for Allison Shepard.

Kaidan’s realisation is…messy. Fraught. Jumbled up in a pile of other emotions that he finds himself digging through late at night, datapad in one hand and going through marine duties, caffeine-free coffee in the other.

Allison Shepard realises the moment she fell for Kaidan Alenko.

Shepard’s realisation is sudden and shocking. She’s never able to answer truthfully the question of when did you know? Because it exposes her immediate, instinctual thoughts when she hears that Kaidan might be in peril.

Ashley Williams realises the moment Kaidan and Allison fell for each other.

Ash’s realisation is on the Citadel, at that scenic observation point. Kaidan’s “big place” had her rolling her eyes a little, and she couldn’t help a little quip, a slight jab at him. But somehow the rapport between Shepard and Kaidan moved into something that seemed like flirting – or at least a consideration of mutual attraction, and Ashley smiled, a genuine one, an expression of an emotion she wasn’t sure she’d recoup after Eden Prime.

Read on AO3

Or read below. 980 words, fShenko

Kaidan’s realisation is…messy. Fraught. Jumbled up in a pile of other emotions that he finds himself digging through late at night, datapad in one hand and going through marine duties, caffeine-free coffee in the other.

She’s Shepard. He’s seen her face plastered over damn near everything the Alliance can think of since he was twenty-five and got sent to Elysium on clean-up duty because slavers had attacked…and Shepard had fought back.

In or out of armour, she strikes an imposing figure. A few centimetres taller than average, she feels a lot taller than that. Maybe it’s her biotics, the faint tingle of energy Kaidan feels when they get a bit too close out of armour. Like the time he helped tear off her armour after Eden Prime and that first zap caught him much farther off guard than it should.

He’s had passing interactions with other biotics in the military. Feeling another’s aura shouldn’t have been anything abnormal, but it stilled him for a good five seconds before he pushed the thought out of his head.

Her eyes drilled into him when they first met, him and Joker joking and shit-talking about who their XO was, not knowing that that very person was approaching and likely heard some of their interactions. Shepard said nothing about it, but gave both of them a very suspect look.

Kaidan narrows it down to somewhere between rescuing Liara from Therum, starting to investigate reports of missing marines, and defusing the bomb on Agebinium. Shepard had some choice words for Elanos Haliat and that was the first time Kaidan had seen her genuinely angry. She’d stormed out of the mine tunnels, biotic barrier swirling around and shotgun already in hand, and zeroed in on Haliat.

Maybe that was it. Shepard had held that fury in her eyes beyond the pickup from the Normandy, offering only curt responses to questions, and had occupied a spot in front of a punching bag for a long while. Once done she was back to her more pleasant usual self, and no further word was spoken of Haliat.

He didn’t know quite why Shepard descending upon Haliat like a vengeful Valkyrie was the moment, but it was. A display of what she could do if she put her mind to it, if she truly needed to use all the power she had in her slim frame.

And she wasn’t afraid to use it.

---

Shepard’s realisation is sudden and shocking. She’s never able to answer truthfully the question of when did you know? Because it exposes her immediate, instinctual thoughts when she hears that Kaidan might be in peril.

And the fact that it happened on Virmire, when she was left debating between who to save and who to sacrifice, was terrifying.

Her stomach sunk like someone had rolled a stone into it and for a moment she could not think. Could not decide on a course of action, a solution.

She had never been like that in her entire time in the Alliance.

She always knew what to do.

But not when Kaidan was involved.

So she did something stupid.

She sent the squad that was with her to relieve Kaidan and ordered Joker to divert the Normandy to the bomb site while she double-timed it to Ashley’s position at the AA tower.

The bomb had to go off, she reasoned. It was highly improbable, not impossible, that the geth could defuse the bomb.

That had to be defended and protected at all costs. If it guaranteed Kaidan’s survival, that was an accident. If it cost her her own life? It was a sacrifice done in the line of duty to save fellow soldiers.

She knew that wouldn’t hold water, but who cared. She’d be dead if that were to happen.

But it didn’t.

She managed to save them all, dragging Ash back onto the Normandy with just enough time for the ship to break atmo before the bomb exploded.

And with the realisation suddenly brought to life, Shepard clamped down on her interactions with Kaidan.

---

Ash’s realisation is on the Citadel, at that scenic observation point. Kaidan’s “big place” had her rolling her eyes a little, and she couldn’t help a little quip, a slight jab at him. But somehow the rapport between Shepard and Kaidan moved into something that seemed like flirting – or at least a consideration of mutual attraction, and Ashley smiled, a genuine one, an expression of an emotion she wasn’t sure she’d recoup after Eden Prime.

But Those Two Dorks (with capitals on every word) were so delicate around each other it was part amusing and part irritating. Regs and punishment for indulging in fraternization were well-known, and Those Two Dorks seemed perfectly happy to weave all over the line between professional and flirty, pulling back when they realised the territory they were in and attempting to return to neutral ground.

Attempting.

Still, Ashley couldn’t help the thoughts in her head, doubly so when news filtered through that a certain asari scientist seemed very interested in Shepard…and then a day or so later, news filtered through that Shepard had set Liara straight, apologised for any mixed signals, and made it very clear that Shepard had no interest in Liara romantically.

En route to Ilos, Ashley nudged Kaidan in what she hoped was the right direction, commenting that Kaidan was probably Shepard’s top confidant on the Normandy, and if there was anyone she’d want to hash out their plan of attack, it would be him.

He’d let out a sigh, shifted his chair back, and said “you’re right” (Ashley bit back that she always was because, no she wasn’t) and headed over to Shepard’s quarters. Neither of them ventured out for many hours, talking tactics and deciding on who to take groundside.

At least, that’s what Ashley did her best to make everyone believe.

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Never Left Behind

The three of them are a sorrowful sight in the medbay – three of the Alliance’s best marines, all banged up from a mission that went horrifically south and almost ended with one of them dead. Even with a victory narrowly pulled they’re all winded and wounded and damn near wrecked.

And they’re just getting started.

Kaidan got lanced through his side, narrowly missing a few vital spots but hitting a few non-vital with a bullseye so accurate they’d only be matched with a medical scanner. He’s hooked up to a blood bag, his third since takeoff, the rate a worrying sign of just how close.

Ashley’s sitting on a cot, back leaning against the cold metal wall, eyes struggling to stay open. She’d downed what seemed like half a pack of painkillers, and Chakwas’ advice had been to stay conscious for a couple of hours. Scans hadn’t picked up any issues, but Chakwas wanted to ensure that Ashley didn’t suddenly deteriorate within a couple of hours.

And Shepard…she was pretty sure that her armour was unsalvageable after the the thrashing it had taken against Saren. The nape of her neck was still uncomfortably warm even with her amp ejected; she’d done the same for Kaidan, and their twin Savant amps were soaking and enjoying the closest to a spa day they could get.

Blood, sweat, grime, and…whatever else had been going on on Virmire.

Too many civilians.

Too many science experiments.

Too much at stake and too high a risk. Almost too high a cost, but one thing Shepard did was that she didn’t leave people behind.

And somehow she had pulled out of Virmire with her entire squad battered but alive. Wrex, Garrus, Tali, Liara, Ashley, and Kaidan.

Her right arm protested as she swung it out, still uncertain if it was bumped or bruised or damaged or dislocated but fuck it, she couldn’t stay sitting.

The lights blurred and the walls wobbled as she walked the five steps to a storage cupboard, swallowing down the nausea that rolled up. She tore out bandages, blankets, medi-gel and other assorted medical supplies, finding what she wanted holed up right at the back, hidden to all but the determined or those who knew where it was.

A bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy.

“Not compatible with a concussion,” Shepard said as she grabbed two glasses and poured a finger of the alcohol into each, taking a third and filling it with cool water before handing it to Ashley.

Shepard passed the other glass to Kaidan and held her own up in the air. “To never leaving anyone behind.”

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1, 7 and 11 for Allison Shepard and her preferred love interest?

Answering from this post here. Not specified which sections so I'm going to do one question from the top 3.

This is for Allison Shepard and Kaidan Alenko

PRE-RELATIONSHIP

How did they first meet?

In a Systems Alliance base in Jacksonville, FL, where Kaidan and Joker were joking/veering on mocking who their new XO would be, when Kaidan notices a Staff Lieutenant* in fatigues and with a sea bag over her shoulder. He doesn't think much of it - this is an Alliance base (one of the busiest on Earth, up there with Vancouver, Shanghai etc.) and being his polite self he asks her if he can help her with anything.

Allison doesn't say anything for a moment, eyeing him up, then Joker, then the ship, then back to Kaidan. As soon as she starts to speak all the pieces fall into place and he instantly recognises her the moment she says "Staff Lieutenant Allison Shepard. I believe I'm your XO."

* Yeah I got fed up with the ranks as they are in game/canon, so I made my own system. Shepard is a Staff Lieutenant, Kaidan is a Lieutenant, Ashley is a Gunnery Sergeant as of ME1

GENERAL

7. Who takes the lead in social situations?

Allison. No question about it. It's not that she's necessarily the more forward or outgoing of the two, but being a War Hero (and before that, daughter of a First Contact War veteran) she's more than used to plastering on a smile, making casual small-talk, and lending an ear to someone for one task or another, but always making sure to never promise anything completely.

As of ME1 Allison's been in the limelight for near-on seven years, received invites to multiple high class events (and when a tour of hers accidentally or accidentally overlaps, oh I'm so sorry I would have loved to come but duty calls) and is basically the Alliance's biotic, N7, and later Spectre poster child.

Kaidan is definitely the more withdrawn of the two, though he opens up enough around close friends and maybe a little alcohol in the mix. When he and Allison are out about their relationship, I imagine that he is quite affectionate in parties, always wanting to be by her and touching in some way (hand on elbow, holding hands, knees touching).

LOVE

11. What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

Hoo boy. I have a playlist of 88 songs, totaling almost 6hrs. This does cover the entirety of Allison Shepard's story up to (and a bit beyond the Reaper War) so not all of them are romantically linked. Of the ones that are, these are my favourite/tell the story in the best way:

Mass Effect 1:

Florence + The Machine - Cosmic Love - more for the melody and the title than the lyrics themselves. Allison is a Spacer, so there's a bit of romanticism around stars, the galaxy etc. around their relationship.

Sixx A.M. - Starts (Explicit Lyrics) - "Do you wanna go to heaven tonight...Do you wanna be my lover tonight...Do you want to see the stars before they fall". The romance scene between Shepard and Kaidan on the way to Ilos. Again a cosmic-linked song but the moment I heard this it became the Shenko song for me. Remember this one

Black Stone Cherry - Remember Me & Johnny Cash - Hurt - "Today was a hard day, I still can't believe that all of this is true...When I am gone, will you stay strong, don't cry, this is not a dream. When heaven calls, and stars they fall, believe, will you remember me?" & "What have I become, my sweetest friend? Everyone I know, goes away in the end"

AKA the ooof ow my heart songs. Needless to say this is after the destruction of the Normandy SR-1, both from Kaidan's viewpoint. The relationship between the two of them wasn't expressed, so while Allison's family can grieve and mourn in public, Kaidan cannot - and even to a point where he can't be that upset over his CO, can he?

Mass Effect 2:

Shinedown - If Only You Knew - "If you only knew, I'm hanging by a thread, the web I spin for you. If you only knew, I'd sacrifice my beating heart before I'd lose you." This is Allison post-Horizon, when things are heavy. She's pulled her head above water somewhat, but Horizon pulls her back down.

Shinedown - Through The Ghost - "Speak of the devil, look who just walked into the room, the guilted and faded notion of someone I once knew. All the perfect moments are gone, all the precious pieces are wrong." This was originally an ME3 song (Vancouver) but story-wise this now places at the end of ME2, when Allison is heading off to Aratoht. Hackett sends along Kaidan and this echoes her feelings when she sees him.

Mass Effect 3:

Sixx A.M. - Stars (Cinematic) - I told you to remember this one. In any official soundtrack this would be a reprise, the same song but in a more mournful way. Allison and Kaidan are now officially together, and while the spark of what was back on the ME1 is still there, the galaxy being at risk puts a damper on their ability to take time and enjoy being with each other.

Florence + The Machine - Bedroom Hymns - pure romance scenes song. Nothing else to add. Smutty lyrics.

Conchita Wurst - Heroes - "So let the walls come down and the colours light up the sky. We could be heroes, we could be heroes, tonight. Where the hearts break loose and love is like a battlecry, we could be heroes, we could be heroes, tonight".

This one takes a bit of explanation. On the approach to Earth for the final assault, in the small hours of the morning, a thought pops into Kaidan's head. He turns to Allison and simply says "Let's get married." Allison half-laughs but goes "Sure. When?" and 30mins later they're in the shuttle bay, wedding officiated by Joker.

This song (or at least the chorus) is what I imagine whenever I think of that scene. Allison and Kaidan do quick vows, exchange simple fabricated rings, and prepare for the assault. Their wedding day, not that they know it at the time, is also the day the Reaper War ends.

And Beyond...

Black Stone Cherry - Sometimes - "Couldn't we pretend that I'm fine, and this ain't my life. It's not the way it ends for me. Couldn't we pretend, you're not gone, you're still here, it's not true. It's not the way it ends for you.". I spent so long swapping this and Remember Me (in the ME1 section) around and I think I am happy with their placement.

The Reaper War is over. Casualties are many. Allison Shepard is in the hospital, in a medically induced coma, with multiple injuries. The Normandy and her human crew are reported as MIA with no one knowing their status.

This song is, in my mind, a duet sung between Allison and Kaidan, Allison on Earth and Kaidan who-knows-where in the galaxy. They both believe the other dead, and this is them both wishing that this is not the case, that maybe the other can find a way back to them.

In short, another ooof ow my heart song

Skylar Grey - I'm Coming Home Pt. II - I'm sure this is on a lot of people's lists. The Normandy systems are functioning, they're going to make it to Earth, and Kaidan finally gets in contact with the Alliance in London. He discusses what happens with the brass, and turns his head and hides a sigh when yet another higher up is introduced to him.

"Alenko. Good to see you again."

"Allison?!" His eyes snap back front and centre. She's alive, standing in front of him in the QEC. It's a hologram, but it's her. She's alive, on Earth. They made it. Both of them.

And the blood will dry Underneath my nails And the wind will rise up To fill my sails So you can down and you can hate But i know no matter what it takes I'm coming home, I'm coming home Tell the world that I'm coming home

❤️

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Art!

So my brain decided I needed to create two art pieces, both of which are going to be digital and both of which are much more difficult than any pieces I’ve ever done before

The first one is post-war Shenko, Allison and Kaidan in Vancouver during winter, when Kaidan shows Allison that cold snowy weather isn’t that bad (helps when he bribes her with churros)

So I did some preliminary sketches for both Allison and Kaidan seeing as I have only ever once drawn Allison in any kind of realistic style

I also had some new erasable coloured pencils and I thought why not put them to use. Allison is always associated with red (her primary armour colour) and Kaidan is Alliance Blue (always)

Still not 100% on Kaidan, prob need to overlay a screengrab to see the issues

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Some facts about Allison Shepard and Kaidan’s babies:

Elena Aurora Shepard - Oldest baby - 100% looks like her dad (and is sad about this until bb sister Ophelia is born and she realises what looking like her mum means) - Along with Liara’s oldest, has Very Big Thoughts on what being the eldest child of war heroes means - Joins the Alliance. It’s basically a Shepard family tradition at this point - Biotic

Lucas Orion Shepard - Nerdy engineer to the core - Fixes all of Allison’s tech problems when Kaidan isn’t around (Allison isn’t bad with tech, she just doesn’t know more than she needs to) - Also joins the Alliance - Biotic

Sam Apollo Shepard - Baby - Must be protected - V. introverted middle child - Marries an asari, runs an italian restaurant on the Citadel - Biotic (they all are, do I need to keep putting this?)

Aaron Icarus Shepard - Twin to Ophelia - ??? - ????? - ??????? - Seriously I don’t know anything about him - Biotic

Ophelia Phoebe Shepard - Twin to Aaron - 1000% her mum - Allison taken up to 11 - Exceedingly energetic, loud, playful - Allison 2.0 - Lives her life wandering the galaxy and living off her trust fund - Comes back to visit after a few years and goes “look, new grandbaby!” while presenting her toddler child to her parents - Biotic

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Progress!

Still a WIP; I need to spend time detailing the background (or as much detail as things that are fuzzy and out of focus can be)

Also need to decide on shading method; knowing me I’ll do both types anyway and see which one I like best