I think I accidentally became Holden Caulfield, in a minor sense, but nonetheless.
A few days ago this girl in my school was wearing Heelys, you all remember Heelys, those shoes with the wheels in the heel that were cool in like 2007? Well anyway she was wearing a plaid shirt and hipster glasses and she was also wearing heelys. Well I took one look at her, went to my locker and proceeded to say to myself under my breath ,"Look at me I'm so quirky!" and then I said it, the word that I had only read about, "Phony." There it was! I accused a girl of being a phony, a girl I know! And then I started thinking about Holden and I, and I for some reason have always felt a small relation with Holden. But it was then that I was wondering if I've become spiteful and judgey, which I promised myself I wouldn't be.
As a product of Catholic School, I have an overwhelming self esteem problem. For years I was told I wasn't good enough and then I started to believe it, as only habits and repetition do. Am I the phony here though? Or am I the same inconfident and confused wanderer that is Holden Caulfield?But I was thinking about the way that Holden relates to people and the way he talks about them.
A perfect example is that of calling a girl a phony, and rolling my eyes as I saw her wheel past me. But I've started to feel the same thing that Holden feels against stupid girls, I've begun to get annoyed over "love" that some of my friends seem to think they know. And as it always happens every summer I've been wondering about my school, and the way that people look at me after I tell them where I go to school, and they look almost disgusted, and suddenly we're not friends... But I've also thought about Holden's rejection of growing up. As I have to, because I'm applying for college sooner than I think, and on top of that, I'm screwed. and I've become so disgusted with the way that the world turned out and my inability to keep up. Why couldn't Holden catch me before I fell off that cliff?
When did I become Holden Caulfield? When did my naivity and acceptance of other people become overshadowed by my judgement and annoyance of those around me?
Why can no one save us from the world? For once I'd rather be saved and I'm so scared of moving forward.
