#allylilithwrittenwords

[allylilith]

It is not your responsibility to wait for someone to be ready for what you have to offer. Remember that the world is vast— if it’s not here, it’s somewhere out there.

[allylilith]

I’d like to think there are different versions of me. I don’t think I’ve ever lost myself, I don’t think anyone ever does.

I think we merely discover different versions of ourselves, even if it’s one we’re not necessarily proud of.

You say “it isn’t like you” to do what I did but it is me. It’s just a version you’ve never seen. I’d want to be accountable for everything I choose to do. I don’t want to make an excuse by saying “I wasn’t myself” when I did what I’ve done.

I am a being made up of millions of tiny fragments, I am everything I choose to be— Strong, fearless, boisterously honest, a survivor, a coward, a liar.

—Ally Lilith

[allylilith]

Mother says

I told my mother that my heart is weary and the pit of my stomach aches, the pain wraps me like a blanket, suffocating me.

She said “As your mother, I see that your life is chaotic. You’re blessed with good looks, money and all the riches but you are never happy. Your greatest test has always been one with your heart.”

I know everything about myself and my heart, I said has been my biggest weakness. I don’t let people in easily because I am not interested in people most of the time but when I do, I love and I give too much because I don’t do anything half-heartedly. I don’t want any of it anymore. None of this, I am exhausted, I have no more fights in me and I am done. 

Knowing I am a control freak, a go-getter, she said,“Stop chasing, stop trying, you’ve done this all your life. Not everything is under your control.” 

Despite having different views and beliefs, she then said “Pray, whatever’s meant to be yours will be and if it wasn’t yours, something better is yet to come. Don’t you ever worry.”

I realize there’s a kind of peace in that; letting go.

[allylilith]

Everybody dies • The only certainty is that death awaits the living. On your deathbed, moments before you pass, you won’t ponder on the money you should’ve earned. What will linger on your mind is the connections you made with those who matter. The memories will keep you warm. The most crucial part is thinking of what you’re leaving behind. Have your life affected another that you’ll live forever in the hearts and minds of others? And if so, are they kind and noble thoughts? Have you truly lived your only chance at life? Or have you merely wasted it away?