#almasto

[alittlebitoftruthcan]

‘Osho, allow me to ask a few more esoteric questions. Please don’t laugh at them. It is a question of life and death to me!’

Almasto, I know it is a question of life and death for you—not only for you but for everybody else too—because unless you know the art of screwing in a light bulb rightly you will never become enlightened! So I take your questions really seriously!’

The first question: How many Scotsmen does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasto, ten. One to screw in the bulb and nine to share the expense.

Second: How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasto, two. One to screw in the bulb and one to make the introductions.

Third: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasto, two. One to screw in the bulb and one to read the instructions.

Fourth: How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasto, seven. One to screw the bulb and six to screw anything else that happens to come by.

Fifth: How many nuns does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasto, two. One to screw in the bulb and one to make sure that that’s the only thing she’s screwing.

Sixth: How many astronauts does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasto, two. One to screw in the bulb and one to give him a countdown.

Seventh: How many Russians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasto, fifty thousand. One to screw it in and 49,999 to occupy the country the house is in.

Eighth: How many drunks does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasto, four. One to try to screw it in and three to keep the pink elephants away.

Ninth: How many Morarji Desais does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasto, one. But first he needs to be utterly drunk on his own heroin—ordinarily called urine—so that he can be convinced that he will save India by doing so.

Tenth: How many people does it take to screw in an Indian light bulb? Almasto, none. If it’s Indian it’s most likely screwed up already.

Eleventh: How many Gautam Buddhas does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasto, none. Gautam the Buddha said to be a light unto yourself.

Twelfth: How many niggers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasto, none. Black is beautiful.

Thirteenth: How many Oshos does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasto, none. He persuades the bulb to screw itself in.

— Osho (Zen: Zest, Zip, Zap and Zing)

[alittlebitoftruthcan]

‘Osho, please excuse me, but I have to ask few more esoteric questions!’

Almasto, here you go again! You seem to be incurable—you and your esoteric questions! Now again we have to screw in the bulbs! Okay, Almasto…

First: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasto, none. They are too busy trying to nationalize the bulb company.

Second: How many behaviorists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasto, ten. One to screw in the bulb and nine to observe his reactions.

Third: How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasto, one. He unchains his wife from the kitchen sink so that she can screw it in.

Fourth: How many philosophers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasto, twenty. One to screw it in and nineteen to decide whether or not light exists.

Fifth: How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasto, ten. One to screw in the bulb and nine to believe that it will light up.

Sixth: How many Hindu gods does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasto, one, but he takes a million years to decide which arm to use.

Seventh: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasto, six. One to screw it in and five to agree how easy it is without men.

Eighth: How many homosexuals does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasto, two. One to screw in the bulb and the other to see that he doesn’t get too friendly with it.

Ninth: How many popes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasto, none. Screwing is a sin.

Tenth: How many Protestant ministers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasto, two. One to screw it in and one to say, ‘And God said, ‘Let there be light!’’

And the last: How many Adams does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasto, one, but God has to tell him not to screw it in.

— Osho (Zen: Zest, Zip, Zap and Zing)

[alittlebitoftruthcan]

‘Osho, I don’t know! There is so much love showering on me. Sitting silently, doing nothing, and the grass grows by itself. I am so happy having eyes that can see, and even if they don’t see, it never gets dark. Yesterday while listening to Almasta’s esoteric questions it was like taking a bath in the ocean of love. I love her and like to sit at your feet looking at you, hearing the music of love and being a child again. Are there any more questions from Almasta? There must be more—at least one more. I know that she has at least ten questions. Oh, Osho, life is good to me!’ Dhyan Almuth, yes, Almasta has exactly ten questions again! First: How many gay men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasta, two: one to buy an art deco bulb, and one to shriek, ‘Marvelous, darling!’ Second: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasta, five: one to screw in the light bulb, and four to discuss how it is more gratifying than a man! Third: How many Zen Masters does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasta, two: one to screw in the light bulb and one not to screw in the light bulb. Fourth: How many Chinese does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasta, ten thousand… to give the light bulb a cultural revolution. Fifth: How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasta, all of them! Sixth: How many negroes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasta, none—there are not any—any more! Seventh: How many Polacks does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasta, one, but he needs a lot of light bulbs! Eighth: How many neurotics in therapy does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasta, one—three hours a week for five years! Ninth: How many psychotherapists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasta, ask Teertha. Every possibility is that he will encounter you and ask, ‘When did you start this fantasy?’ Tenth: How many philosophers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Almasta, this is a question for J. Krishnamurti, not for me. Ask him and he will go into deep meditation and then ask you, ‘Do you mean, how does a light bulb screw you?’

Osho (Philosophia Ultima)

[rtviagem]

Você já ouviu falar desse lugar incrível chamado Cânion Encantado, em Almas - Tocantins? São quatro quedas d’água simultâneas com mais de 70m de altura. Na base, as águas formam um pequeno lago ao redor de uma prainha. Em volta, as águas minam das veredas e se encontram no fundo do cânion, formando um córrego que alimenta a vegetação. Devida a força da queda d'água não é permitido tomar banho no local. Para conhecer há opções de trilhas aquática e por terra adentrando o cânion de rara beleza com paradas para contemplação e banhos (piscinas naturais e cachoeiras). A beleza do local compensa o esforço para chegar ao Cânion Encantado, que exige caminhada de mais de duas horas. Localizado na comunidade Serra Negra, o roteiro proporciona grandes emoções com a oportunidade de conhecer fauna e flora exuberantes e preservadas com imensos pés de Pau Brasil. O Vale do Encantado está localizado a 70km do centro da cidade de Almas. Foto: @claudiiaoficial #oslugares_to #canionencantado #almasto #almastocantins #serrasgerais #tocantins https://www.instagram.com/p/CTBKr0Tj0hr/?utm_medium=tumblr