#alphahug

[wepush]

alphahug replied to your post: remember when neymar tagged niall in t...

WAG WAG WAG

THE WORLD IS GOOD AND FULL OF MANY WONDERS

coffeeandniall replied to your post: remember when neymar tagged niall in t...

when will i ever forget is the question /o

i know??? sometimes i lapse in my remembery and then i remember and i sorta sink down in my seat and this v large v scary smile spreads across my face and i’m like y e ssssssss. remember how they said each other’s name ahhh

[wepush]

chicago and budapest :)

Chicago: What do you ache for?

jeeeeze uhm. it would be really cool if my gender presentation could be a little more fitting to my id. but also it would be really cool if i felt comfortable and not terrified of the future yunno. i guess i ache for that security of self, that unlonlieness of direction and stability. which is probably a smiliar answer to anyone in their 20s lol.

WAIT eta: i meant to say i also have a bucket load of crushes right now so in a V Gay Sense i’m also sincerely heart achin’ woot !

Budapest: What tattoo do you want?

i have a long list! i’ll share one of em. hmmmm ok. i wanna get a rose flowing into a dove in flight on my right ankle, for my aunt and my grandfather, who were very close and who were exceptionally kind and important to me. and also as a reminder to me and my past that peace changes forms and growth takes many shapes and sometimes things shift forms because there’s no where left to go but up. it’ll probably be a negative space design.

[bad-love]

chicago and amsterdam. i wanted to give you a berlin but alas it wasn't on the list.

YES HOW DISRESPECTFUL TBH i’d seen that post before and didnt reblog because of that. (although its good people forget about berlin because we’re already dealing with enough gentrification and tourists as is)

Chicago: What do I ache for?

this is hard. I ache for really wanting to live tbh. I’m ok with where I am but thats the thing I have been ok for so long, kinda like ‘I can live like this, I’m comfortable’ what I really ache for is to be like ‘I want this! I want to have this thing or whatever and I want to fight to get there/am ready to fight’ I want to feel like I could yell happily about my life because I am so filled with it. I used to feel that as a child I think and still as a teenager sometimes but never now. I kinda want to get away from this little nice pretty duckpond that I am right now and get back to being a river, it might still be small but at least its moving, everything inside it kinda moves in some way, its not sitting still and getting green from all the algae. 

maybe thats a feeling you lose with growing up or maybe its because of my depression (part of it definitely is) or maybe its because i am scared to take even small risks (also definitely part of it) or maybe something else entirely or maybe a combination of all that but I lost it and I hope I can get like short glimpses of it back (I never permanently felt it, thats not what i want, I just want the short moments back, because i havent had that in what feels like a lifetime)

Amsterdam: What is my ideal night out?

One where I feel comfortable being outgoing? does that make sense? I suck hilariously bad at first conversations. I hate having them. I also am very uncomfortable being the center of attention for too long. I always feel responsible to entertain others which I am also amazingly bad at when I feel pressured. I am often uncomfortable going out.

There are some circumstances where I feel comfortable. When I know most of the people im going out with but not all of them, thats nice. because it makes me feel safe but also opens up new possibilities for conversations etc. also I like when it involves food as well as drinks. I like being in berlin tbh because I feel safe here (ridiculously so actually like I never get scared even in the shadiest places), but theres always stuff going on (we have famous nightlife). its a lot about feeling safe but still having options….

generally though: bars are nice, if we are going to a club just make sure they play hip hop/rnb tbh. and alcohol levels are not too high, I am always the one feeling responsible for drunk people and I dont want that if I just wanna have fun. also, when it comes to going out i kinda wish guys werent a thing

[bad-love]

nozayngel answered your question “how is everyone today?”

Good! Had my friend Alison over from out of town last night, talked abt this whole 1d sitch w/o getting sad, make her pancakes for breakfast, going out to dinner + karaoke tonight :)

alphahug replied to your post “how is everyone today?”

I'm at work right now and this evening im going out with friends. I think I'm going to try and bake them a pie.

COOL! those sound like really fun saturday activities! and also lots of really good food haha! I have been eating a lot too, mostly cake and finally caved and watched the breakfast club and also met my one and only male friend which was really fun. also, omg KARAOKE! I haven’t been in years. I hope you have a lot of fun tonight!!!

[bad-love]

louisebelchr replied to your post “louisebelchr replied to your post: does anyone want me to knit them...”

I would lose my mind over either a headband or a beanie, whichever you prefer!

alphahug replied to your post “does anyone want me to knit them a hat/beanie/scarf? ”

hats don't work very well with my hair but i would love a scarf if you get the chance!!

I’ll do both! I’ll get back to you when I’m done :D

[drownedindeniall]

do you ever think about what narry would be like if they met now instead of back when they tiny young chipmunks?

Oh my gosh. I think…they maybe wouldn’t like each other? Like I think that the main reason they can wiggle past each other’s armor is because they’ve known each other for so long? And been in such close quarters and grown together? I dunno. You look at the people Harry surrounds himself with now that he’s an adult and just…Niall would stick out like a weird sore thumb. And ditto for Harry with Niall’s friends. They are worlds apart.

I think they vibe really well together because they have years of practice growing around each other? Like Harry alters his tone and his mannerisms and level of engagement in a very specific way when he’s sitting next to Niall, and Niall does the same. It’s like the people they are when they’re together, just the two of them, are entirely products of being together. They are like a Niall and Harry Voltron that becomes more than the sum of its parts. 

Does this makes sense? I just think that the deep connection they have was built over time and grown organically and if you take away that time and that growth, the people they are independent of each other are the most unlikely odd couple there maybe ever was. 

[bad-love]

26 and 47

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

hONESTLY. Jebet, of course it is you who is asking this question because my answer is 100% Vancouver so I could see you and then do like a road trip thingy down the west coast (we spoke about this recently) that is what I want to do sooooo badly atm. the other option is Hong Kong.

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

How long will it take for me to move to a place where I am ok? And does that place even really exist anymore?

[drownedindeniall]

alphahug

replied to your photoset

“alphahug tagged me a couple days ago in this 6 selfies thing so here’s...”

fyi i'm pretty convinced that you're some sort of forrest guardian and you rule the woods with your husband and trusted dogs by your side. that's just the vibe i'm getting atm.

I WANT THIS TO BE TRUE.