Wow, this was a day
I took mum out grocery shopping today because I had mailed her out west to visit my brother and his family and they mailed her back and now she needs produce and booze. (If I was in my brother’s house a week I’d need booze too, I like that family but there are a lot of them and... yeah)
So, we go to Store #1, and coming out of the parking lot I fail to notice the curb looks like it’s been attacked with a jackhammer and also is partially in the roadway and I clip it with my rear tire. two blocks later it becomes horrifyingly apparent that the tire, which I bought brand new 3 weeks ago, is flat as a pancake so I pull into the parking lot of Store #2 which I was going to anyway.
When I get out the tire has a huge gash in it. I sigh, because I am wearing a leather skirt and a pair of peep toe wedges and also I just paid for this tire. So I send Mum into the store and I call roadside assistance.
Let me take a minute to talk about ‘calling’ roadside assistance. Because in the 9 months since the last time I called roadside assistance they have decided that they no longer want to talk to anyone on the phone, they want you to download the app, that they have never bothered to tell me about and that I can’t currently download because the parking lot I am in has net speeds on par with 1997 (I know this because I was there) No joke, took me ten minutes to convince the computer that I wasn’t going to download the app.
Long story short (too late) I get a guy to come out and change my tire, the very nice man gets my brand new punctured tire off, goes to fit my spare and says, a look of horror on his face “This is not the spare for this car”
The car that I bought 9 months ago, the last time I had to call roadside assistance when the previous car met its untimely end.
This poor guy probably thought I was going to start screaming at him in a parking lot in Florida in May but honestly I am wearing a leather skirt and a pair of peep toe wedges and I look too good and also am too tired for this. I told the nice man that this was pretty much how my day was going and sent him on his way.
I ended up calling Uncle who showed up with his friend and they took both my spare and my punctured tire and came back 45 minutes later with a tire I am suspicious they stole from someone, most likely one of those garages that has 500 used tires stacked up in the back. I still don’t have a spare but I’m pretty sure my uncle is currently trying to steal one of those because he told me he’d take care of it.
I am home, I have a tire that is a tire in the academic sense because it is round and made partially of rubber. And no spare. Also a headache and a fresh bottle of whisky that I stopped to buy on the way home from Store #2 which does not sell booze.
Tomorrow I attempt to get a tire that is an actual tire and not a theoretical tire. And quite possibly an alibi for tire theft.
