The changing of the seasons had chilled the night air and warm-colored leaves danced upon the wind. The small settlement of Surwich was nearly silent, as it was most evenings. Occasionally, the howl of a wolf could be heard as the pack skulked through the nearby woods.
Tarvasha sat outside of a familiar home, quietly smoking a cigarette and gazing at the stars. The sound of a door opening drew her sight to her daughter. She had dressed down into simple cloth pants and a heavy leather jacket and silently slipped in to sit next to her.
The two sat in relative silence for a time as the gentle breeze flowed through the air.
“...Yer still wearin’ his shirt.”
Tara’s gaze shifted to her once more. “Wha...no, I...I didn’t have a jacket. It’s long-”
“Cut the shit, Ma.” The warrior’s eyes looked feral in the moonlight. “...You can’t do this again, ya know.”
The older woman frowned, snuffing her cigarette out in the dirt. “I don’t know what you-”
“Ma! For fuck’s sake! How many times are ya gonna let him treat ya like that before ya get it through yer thick skull!” She huffed, rising to her feet and towering over the half-elf. “He ain’t just gonna waltz back to ya. An’ even if he did, it’d take one shitty day to send ‘im off again! Do ya really fuckin’ wanna go through that again?!”
“No!” She frowned, drawing her knees to her chest. “No...I just...I don’t want to mess things up for him and Ela again. I don’t want to be that person...”
“Then why the fuck are you hanging around making googly eyes?!”
“Because I still love him!” It was Tara’s turn to stand up. Despite the vast difference in their frames, Tara stood eye-level with her daughter. “I love him...and I don’t know what to do...I...”
“You was just obsessed with my fuckin’ dad again...now yer jumpin’ ta Pa. Do ya get what yer doin’? Can’t ya just let this shit go?” She grabbed the smaller woman by the shoulders. “Are you so fucked up that ya just wanna live in agony the rest ‘a yer life? Dammit, Ma, ya don’t need to keep chasin’ impossibles.”
“How? How is it fucking different? Huh? What’s gonna happen the next time ya get yer heart broke? Are ya gonna just fuck off an’ leave me ta deal with yer shit again?!”
Tarvasha froze. The look in Taria’s eyes...she looked as though she might...cry. The gruff warrior had turned away, but maintained her grip.
“Ya practically offed yerself. Ya left me ta fuckin’ tell everyone. Ya left me ta deal with yer fucking cult friends.” Anger flared in her gaze once more. “I lost my damn foot cause’a you! Ya keep goin’ on about everyone leavin’ ya! What about me, dammit?! Why do ya always fuckin’ leave me?!”
The warrior’s chest rose and fell with heavy, agitated breaths. She pushed away from her mother and turned away.
Tears began to fall from the half-elf’s cheeks and she placed a hand over her mouth to stifle the soft whimpers.
“...Stow the waterworks, Ma. Ya ain’t doin’ anyone any good with that shit.” She sighed. ”I know yer feelin’ for Pa is different, alright? I get it. Ya’ve told me. Ya’ve told e’eryone who’ll listen to ya. He makes ya happy an ya like feelin’ happy. I get that.”
Taria turned around, crossing her arms over her chest. “Don’t ya think yer puttin’ a lot on other people, relyin’ on ‘em ta be happy? Can’t ya just find a way ta be happy on yer own?”
Tarvasha’s shoulders sank. Had she really been putting that much pressure on the people around her? Her eyes widened as she was wrapped into a tight hug, but they quickly narrowed, filling with tears once again. “...I don’t know...if I know how.”
Eventually, the younger woman pulled away with a sigh. “Look. It’s’alright ta have help bein’ happy. Me ‘n’ Grok ‘n’ Pa ‘n’ Muir ‘n’ all yer friends in Duskwood there...We’s willin’ ta help ya find it. But ya gotta be willin’ ta look at yerself instead ‘a other people.”
The half-elf gently wiped her tears away with the back of her sleeve, catching his scent on the fabric and staring at it for a moment. “...What should I do about this...?”
Taria let out a huff. “Look, Ma. I think its...I dunno. I think it’s prolly alright fer ya ta feel that way about ‘im...I just don’ want ya gettin’ hurt again.” She looked at her for a moment. “...Maybe ya should just tell ‘im flat-out. Ya know how thick he can be.” The warrior forced a grin, but it quickly faded. “At the very least mabbe he can help ya figure out how ta process it. He’s already damn good at remindin’ e’eryone he’s married.” She let out a somber chuckle. “Prolly has ta remind himself.”
Tarvasha pressed a smile. “Be nice to your Pa, Taria.”
The beefy woman grinned. “Not a damn chance.”
They returned to stargazing for a short time, eventually finding their way inside and off to bed. Sleep came quickly for the tired, pregnant warrior, but Tarvasha found herself setting up with her thoughts into the wee hours of the morning.
She thought back to a time not so long ago. When he was suffering in his own heart.
“My feelings for you, Jake...have never changed. It's why I was so happy to see you doing so well. And why my heart hurts for you that you're facing the type of pain I've been dealing with. I keep thinking that things are going to change. That maybe everyone is right and that I should just move on. That maybe it really is selfish to hold on to it. But deep down...I don't feel selfish. I don't feel that its wrong. And I...I would rather never share my bed with you again...than to never share my life with you again. It's why I'm trying to find my own happiness. Because no matter what, my feeling for you won't change. And I know how much I hate to see you sad and...I just figure that maybe...its a two way street. If I can keep finding happiness around me then you won't worry. And it doesn't matter what the status of our relationship is, because we'll always share that connection.”
She’d made that promise long ago. To find her own happiness. Maybe it was about time she started making good on it.
@thepalewolfhowls ( @jakefletcher for mentions)
