hey we are a newish system and well I could use some advice, so one of my alters Leo is a trauma holder and due to my past being with so much hate and anger he has anger issues and a temper, he blew up at one of my friends and he really needs to get his act together so he doesn’t start drama with others I’m worried about him.
sometimes I get lots of dysphoria due having girl alters I’m a trans gay guy and there are girl alters who are lesbian, bisexual and Pansexual I just feel weird that all the sudden I’m getting feelings for girls when I know for sure that I’m gay but than I realize that it’s one of my girl alters I just feel weird but hey we can’t choose who enters the system also do alters form due traumatic memories or do they sometimes form randomly.
thank you,
Taylor (host of the Oak Tree Gang)
Hi there! Apologies for the time it took to respond to this.
The first thing I would suggest is therapy, because it does sound like there is a lot of stuff that might require one on one professional help. I am aware that this may be difficult, particularly given that systems can face issues with therapy and that trans people can face their own issues with therapy, so I know this may not be possible for everyone.
The anger management issues are understandable given the alter is a trauma holder. Again, this is something that may need to be worked on in therapy. I'm not a therapist nor a mental health professional in any context. Beyond therapy, the best I can advise is to try anger management coping techniques (one that worked for us is snapping blu-tac/putty, but therapists have suggested throwing socks at walls and punching pillows as a release) and setting system ground rules for behaviour when fronting.
The identity confusion around having alters of different genders and sexuality is very real. The only thing that really helped us is time and exploring our genders and sexualities individually and as a system together. We haven't landed on anything solid still, but we've become more comfortable with the individuality, differences, and similarities between each of us
As far as how alters form, this does vary between each alter and each system. It is true that alters can form from traumatic and/or stressful experiences, but it can also seem like alters appear randomly. It is also possible that alters are dormant or less developed before you become aware of them. An alter making themselves known doesn't necessarily mean they formed recently.
I hope this helps!
Much love,
MWS (Magic Wishes System)