#alter b091bc

[randomlychangingsystem]

musing about being different

transcript under the cut

I'm a much more calmer alter. Not stable per se, just calmer. I can feel the full range of emotions, but none of them I can feel intensely. happiness anger sadness anxiety excitement. ALL my emotions are no more than 20%

But then you have other alters who feel certain emotions more than others. Some who don't care about emotions because "I'm designed to serve the body" and doesn't have much personal opinion. and those that struggle wanting to feel like a person, but held back due to how they were designed as an alter.

our system compartmentalizes a lot as a basis. we often try to have alters write down their experiences to see our differences.

It helps to reread when we have system doubt, to reassure ourselves that we are more different than we seem, that we are real. (I wouldn't do that...)

But sometimes, because of my stunted emotions, I feel less than. We are alters after all. Part of a whole. I try not to dwell on it.

[randomlychangingsystem]

when the difference in opinion literally fucks up everyone else but we have to roll with it to not be suspicious

transcript in alt text (I forgot those existed so I'm doing that now)

[randomlychangingsystem]

*reading a journal entry*

the other day an alter was complaining about clothing and how they felt weird in it. but in a basic tldr they tried explaining it that they felt like they were a femboy, but in an intersex masc-leaning way finding feminine things cute and wishing they could wear it without feeling feminine.

and i'm reading this back thinking "gender did not used to be complicated until societal expectations made clothing gendered"

anyway. that's the thought

why the hell do we have so many alters with complicated relationships with gender haha.