#alter ajax

[randomlychangingsystem]

reminder: i am not actually jax from tadc, just minorly based off of tadc as a show

reread some personal journal entries. i don't like our past.

[randomlychangingsystem]

life update

[randomlychangingsystem]

musing about being different

transcript under the cut

I'm a much more calmer alter. Not stable per se, just calmer. I can feel the full range of emotions, but none of them I can feel intensely. happiness anger sadness anxiety excitement. ALL my emotions are no more than 20%

But then you have other alters who feel certain emotions more than others. Some who don't care about emotions because "I'm designed to serve the body" and doesn't have much personal opinion. and those that struggle wanting to feel like a person, but held back due to how they were designed as an alter.

our system compartmentalizes a lot as a basis. we often try to have alters write down their experiences to see our differences.

It helps to reread when we have system doubt, to reassure ourselves that we are more different than we seem, that we are real. (I wouldn't do that...)

But sometimes, because of my stunted emotions, I feel less than. We are alters after all. Part of a whole. I try not to dwell on it.

[randomlychangingsystem]

when the difference in opinion literally fucks up everyone else but we have to roll with it to not be suspicious

transcript in alt text (I forgot those existed so I'm doing that now)

[randomlychangingsystem]

been thinking again lol, bc been seeing on my dash thesolar-system and their transfem jax alter (if you read this haiiiiii im waving from across the room lol)

I MAY LOOK LIKE JAX BUT MY NAME IS AJAX AND I AM NOT JAX THAAAANKS

it's weird, bc my "source" is the main cast. my source IS the circus, not specifically jax. just because i look the most like him doesn't mean i am him. but also i do identify as a tadc fictive, just not a jax fictive. does that make sense? it's the CONCEPT of tadc, not jax.

probably more specifically, 25% jax, 25% ragatha, 10% pomni, 10% gangle, 10% zooble, 10% kinger, 5% the digital circus world, 5% the concept of a circus. and that culminates to who i am as an alter.

now that i've been around for a bit (like 2 months i think?) i have a slightly better grasp on my identity and how i want to be perceived. aka i am a Concept of tadc and i use he/they pronouns. she/her is okay very rarely, thought there are complicated circumstances that i don't wanna have to explain when im okay with using it.

when i formed i didn't like people comparing me to jax, but atp ive gotten used to looking like the guy to the point im okay with people pointing at me and going "omg a jax alter" cause im not gonna escape the assumptions. just as long as the people who know are aware im not him, then thats good for me.

anyway ramble over have fun reading that

[randomlychangingsystem]

brother (gender neutral) don't tell me i've become the new host for this era in our life no shot. i've been fronting so much these past few weeks since i formed.

[randomlychangingsystem]

lonely

[randomlychangingsystem]

does this ever happen to people bc it happens to us