The Beginning
First day of Alternate Day Fasting: A New Beginning
It was only four and a half years ago that I was under 140 pounds and happy. A series of family tragedies, heartbreak, and then falling in love have lead me down a bumpy road fraught with depression and joy, both of which have contributed to my not-so-slim current self.
I’ve been at these crossroads before, about six years ago now. It was the end of summer, and I had just watched my lovely cousin walk down the aisle, on her way to marrying her perfect match. Together they were beautiful: him all blonde and blue-eyed, tanned and smiling. And her, dark and tall, with curled hair pinned close to her head and large blue-green eyes dazzling. It was a sight to see, and the first time I ever felt that tug - the tug of wanting something similar. I didn’t want a big wedding, or anything so drastic and sudden, but just to be companioned with someone. To give someone love and have it returned. I felt that I could do that very well, if only given the opportunity.
I knew that the only way I could ever come close to being that happy as my cousin and her future husband were, was to learn to be happy with myself first. I didn’t like myself very much at all, and I needed to fix that. Self-loathing is not very attractive. My excess weight was directly connected to my low-self esteem and I knew that very well. I decided then and there that I was going to do something about it for a change, instead of pitying my lonely self and eating my sadness.
It was that fall that I began to count my calories and write everything down religiously in a journal. Everything from a taste of cheese at work to my evening meal at home was calculated and catalogued in my books. I look back on those days now and marvel at my dedication, and my obsession. Numbers became my life. I went from being 185 pounds to 137 in just over a year. It was a wonderful feeling to go shopping and actually like what I saw in the mirror. To buy clothes that were sized in the single digits and actually have them feel baggy. I had never been the small girl, but suddenly people were calling me things like “tiny” and “cute” and boys flirted with me. I was 26 and finally felt like the pretty girl in school.
Vanity aside, I was much healthier than I am now, physically at least. My mental health was less than solid back then, having become obsessed with every calorie I’d put in my mouth. I don’t regret stopping my endless calorie counting, but I do regret the loss of my want to be healthy. I rarely drank in those days, and keeping ice cream in the house was a out of the question. I cooked each of my meals from scratch each day, and almost never ate out. (Something my savings account greatly appreciated, I’m sure.) I made sure to eat a great deal of vegetables and fruits, I never touched peanut butter, and rarely indulged in cheese.
Ice cream is often in my freezer now, cheese is a staple in the fridge, peanut butter is a common addition to my lunch, and my boyfriend and I drink several times a week with our dinner, or when meeting up with friends.
One of the things that I did back then when I started my first weight-loss journey, was to create a blog for myself. That blog has long been extinct, but now I’m starting anew. I hope to find a little bit of my old dedication with its help.
My method this time, as opposed to obsessing over calorie counting, is a version of intermittent fasting - something that has become very popular at my job, and has yielded impressive results.
The game plan is simple: one day, eat very little, under 500 or 600 calories. The next day, eat normally. Three days a week I will “fast” and four days a week I will consume how I please. The result will be a curbing of calorie intake without having to restrict every single day. The days I fast will be called “down days” and the days I eat normally will be called “up days.”
Today is a down day, it’s almost 4 o’clock and I’m feeling fine. I had cottage cheese and pineapple at lunch, and a snack of hot-smoked salmon when I got home. Roughly 200 calories total. I plan on making a cauliflower rice dish for dinner, and to drink plenty of water and green tea.
My new chapter begins.
Starting weight: 161
Goal weight: 140