Me, having a pre-chapter huddle with a bunch of my characters
*at this point, I’m writing book 4 in my series and going into this meeting I’m starting to feel like I know what I’m doing*
Me: “OK, look this is going to be a pretty straightforward scene. I just need you all to have a conversation that helps establish why you’re splitting into different groups and what your goals are to get the plot moving. Everyone remember their lines?”
Sassy New Etherial Being Character: “I mean, I skimmed the script, but it seemed really bland and boring, so I edited a bunch of my lines. I also added a bunch of lines.”
Me: “You’re not authorized to do that.”
Sassy: “I used permanent marker. Whatcha gonna do?” *shrugs*
Regal Enchantress Character: “I don’t trust the new Sassy character.”
Me: “I mean, I guess that’s understandable, but don’t let it draw too much focus from the objective of the chapter, OK? We need to keep things moving.”
Enchantress: “You will need to split it into two chapters just to resolve my trust issues, or I’m going back to my trailer.”
Me: “What?!”
Sassy: *shouting and pointing finger* “The Kindhearted Healer Character has been having dreams of apocalyptic visions that he’s been keeping a secret from everyone!!”
Me: “WHAT?!”
Healer: “Wait, I have?”
Sassy: “Yeah! After all, the author doesn’t have any ideas to make you interesting or give you a story arc in this book, do you Dave?”
Me: *sighs* “I mean, I guess you have a point. Just as long as it’s not too distracting from the goal of the chapter.”
Sassy: “You will literally have to include another whole chapter where I explain the nature of reality just for the vision to make sense to the reader.”
Me: *groans* “Alright fine! What even happens in this big epic vision anyway?”
Sassy: “How am I supposed to know? You’re the writer, you figure it out!”
Wizard Protagonist: *raises hand* “Hey guys? Does anybody remember that I’m still here, and the whole point of this meeting was to kick off the search for my parents?”
Everyone: “NOT NOW!”
Wizard: *lowers hand* “OK…”