#alwaysgurl43

[alwaysgurl43]

I don’t remember tumblr exists much anymore but I wanted to post on here that I have a dog named Beckett right? And his name is because of Kate Beckett and how much this show saved my life when I needed it. But my sweet Beckett? He’s the epitome of the quote “He's a reminder that even on the worst days, there's a possibility for joy.” and my Beckett lives up to that always 💜 please enjoy his smiles and derpiness 🥹😂

[alwaysgurl43]

The Castles and Corona

Word Count: 2509

TW: Mentions Covid-19

Author’s Note: This is a gift for Fatima for RyanFriends Day. Am I literally the last one to post? I’m pretty sure yes. But like I always say, better late than pregnant (no offense to those people that want children, I just personally do not at this current time). I hope you enjoy this. I originally started writing this piece to post on Rick’s birthday but school got to be too much but I still wanted to post it. As I started working on it this weekend, it exploded into way more than the 1100 word piece I was expecting. Enjoy!

“Aren’t you used to being at home all the time babe?” Kate looks at her husband who is itching to leave the loft.

“Being home by choice is different when you aren’t being forced to stay home. Plus trying to keep Lily and the twins occupied is difficult.” Rick pauses before gazing into his wife’s eyes. “You could stay home with us.”

“No can do. Essential personnel remember?”

“Don’t the murderers have to stay home though?”

“Unfortunately I feel more like a beat cop than a detective these days. But I’ll try and make it home in time so that we can have dinner together ok? Maybe I’ll grab us something on the way home?” Rick nods, but she can see the enthusiasm is lacking in her husband. He’s been at home with the kids for months now and it’s draining on him. Plus it’s his birthday and he can’t even go outside to celebrate it. She’ll need to come up with something fun to distract him.

Sure, there’s a lot of things that they could do, but he’s itching to go in the real world, see people, research for his novels, among other things. But keeping him and the kids safe is the number one priority, especially since Alexis is pregnant with her first and he wants to be able to see her. Kate hasn’t been able to see her for weeks other than over FaceTime since she’s been out among people who haven’t been quarantining.

It’s not like the year that she planned a surprise party for him because of the accident while they were skiing. It’s just not safe enough for them to invite friends and actors over just so Rick has a mystery to solve. Lily helped pick out a gift for Rick on Amazon; Jake and Reese are barely two. They made a card the other day for the gift she purchased for him. 

It is one of the cutest things she’s seen— although she thinks all their art is. An assortment of scribbles on a sheet of paper that she wrote “We Love Our Daddy” on top of and then folded in half and wrote “Happy Birthday” on the front before letting them color some more, but it’s still beautiful. Lily told her she didn’t want help making her card; her determined little four year old. Sure her letters might be flipped in a couple places but “Happy B-day. I love you Daddy, Love Lily” has never looked so good. And the picture of their family made Kate tear up from how perfect it was.

“Momma! Stay and play with us!” Lily begs just like every day. Six days on, one day off because of the pandemic hasn’t been easy, especially on her kids, but she has two days left before a full day off.

“I’ve got to go in to work today baby.” She picks up her first born and holds her close, feeling the warmth of her baby as she cuddles close.

“But you went in yesterday.” Lily’s voice drops to a whisper, as if Rick won’t hear her as she says, “I want to have a tea party with you, not Daddy.” 

“But Daddy is so much better at tea parties.” Lily shakes her head stubbornly, brown bob shaking from side to side. 

“Want you to play today Momma.” Kissing her daughter’s head, she thinks this all over. Part of her wants to just say yes and stay home, but she has a duty to the people of New York. She knew there would be things she would miss out on, but she never thought playing with her daughter while a pandemic was happening would be one of them.

“How about you play with Daddy today, since it’s his birthday, you have a special tea party. And when I have my day off, you and I can have a special Momma and Lilybug only tea party?”

“OK!” Lily’s enthusiasm shoots out of her mouth. “Can we have cookies at the tea party?” 

Kate pretends to think about it. “I think Daddy would be willing to do that.” Like Rick would ever turn down a cookie, or making his kids happy.

“Daddy might be willing to do what?” Rick asks as he sips on coffee by the counter, as if he hadn’t heard the entire conversation.

“Daddy can we have cookies at our tea party?”

“Oreos or chocolate chip?” Rick asks, and the look on Lily’s face reminds Kate of times she’s posed philosophical questions to her husband, but the answer Lily gives also reminds her of her husband.

“Both.” 

“Ah, a worthy answer.” He holds a hand out to her. “Want to help me prepare for the tea party?” He offers knowing that it will be the easiest while the twins are playing on the carpet in the living room and also it will give Kate an out to get to work. Her bag is sitting in the office, so she can grab that, say goodbye to the twins, kiss Lily goodbye, and give the birthday boy a kiss on the way out. 

Slinging the bag over her shoulder, she walks out to see Jake and Reese playing with trucks and cars all over the living room floor. They’re playing as if a whole city is out here, ramps are made out of the couch and coffee table and of course each other, but they’re happy as can be. Instead of interrupting their play, Kate leans over and just kisses the tops of their heads, they don’t even notice her leaving, which is best. Jake is usually fine with her leaving, but Reese being a total Momma’s boy, will cry for hours if he notices her leaving for work so Rick and her try to distract him as best as possible.

“Are we feeling Chips Ahoy Chewy or Crispy?” Of course they had multiple cookies in their house. Every time Rick went to the store, there was always some sort of new cookie he ended up coming home with. Or ice cream. Or candy. But it’s one of the many things that Kate loves about him.

“Chewy.” Kate whispers loud enough for both of them to hear, knowing that they’re Lily’s favorite. And Lily nods in agreement.

“No lesser cookies allowed here.” Rick says in agreement. 

“I’ve got to head out Lilybug. Can I have a kiss?” Kate says, kneeling next to her little girl. 

“Always Momma.” Lily turns and places the biggest kiss she can. 

When Kate rises from the floor there’s a certain other person waiting their turn, coffee mug in hand for her. “Do I get a kiss too?” He says, that smug smile on his face, already knowing the answer.

“Since it’s your birthday, I think you can have two.” She grabs the worn fabric of his “I Aim To Misbehave” shirt and pulls him towards her. He says it’s from the best sci-fi show, but she will argue him on that till the end of their days. The touch of their lips is magnetic and magical, as it always is. The pull she feels to him, she hopes it never dies. And knowing the two of them, it never will. As she pulls away from him, she can’t help but whisper, “wow.”

“I’ll second that.” He replies breathlessly. “If that’s what I get on my birthday, I want it to be my birthday every day.”

“Wait until you get your actual present.” Kate can’t help but wink at him before placing a quick kiss on his lips. “I love you, always. I’ll see you after work.” 

“Love you too. Always.” He ruffles Lily’s hair. “Momma’s going to get the bad guys, and you and I are going to have the best tea party.”

“Mmmhmm.” Lily agrees putting more cookies on the plate. Kate looks at her family one last time before putting on her NYPD face mask and walking out the front door, locking it behind her. 

________________________________________________________________

Opening the door, Kate isn’t surprised to hear mostly silence. It’s half past seven, which means the twins are asleep already, which is common these days, but Lily is probably up in her room with Rick. Most likely, they’re sitting on her bed, reading one of the many books he’s purchased for her. It’s not uncommon for him to read her three or four books while they wait for her to try and get home before Lily’s eight o’clock bedtime.

Setting the bag of food on the counter, she knows it can wait. Yes it’s for Rick’s birthday, but there’s only so much time that her little girl will be this little. And the last few days, she’s only made it home in time to give her a quick kiss, listen to one or two things that has happened in Lily’s day and then try and get her excited four year old to go to sleep. But first things first, she has to pop into Rick and her room and go through their safety precautions. Keeping their kids safe is the most important thing.

After a quick shower, changing into sweats and a shirt she might have stolen from Rick’s drawer, she makes her way up the stairs, throwing her wet curls into a bun as she walks up the stairs. As she walks towards her daughters room, she peeks into Jake and Reese’s room and sees two sleeping little boys. She smiles at their faces, dreaming away merrily. She closes the door, letting them sleep without stepping into the room, not wanting to risk waking them. Further down the hall, she can hear Rick’s voice faintly. The soft words of Goodnight Moon float down the hallway, and she’s not surprised. Once every couple of days he reads that book to Lily. Partially because she loves it, partially because he loves reading to her. 

The door is already partially opened and she gazes in, not wanting to burst the bubble of father and daughter yet. The moment is too pure, too sweet and one that she hopes will continue for the rest of Lily’s life. But for right now she will take the moment of seeing her little dark haired child curled into her father’s arms listening intently to the words pouring from her father’s lips just how her mother absorbed his words after her own mother’s death. Kate pulls the phone sitting in her pocket and snaps a silent photo of the two of them. These moments she’s grateful to get to see. But there’s a note of melancholy in her soul, for she wishes she could share this moment, this picture, with her own mother. Grief doesn’t get lighter, but each day you grow stronger to carry it. 

Kate pushes the thought from her mind as she pushes the door open so she can walk into the room. “Momma!” The story forgotten, her momma is home.

“Hi Lilybug.” Kate makes her way to sit next to her daughter but Lily clamours to the end of the bed before Kate can even sit down. Lily jumps into Kate’s arms like she does every night that Kate makes it home before bedtime. 

“Momma, I missed you!”

“I missed you too, baby. I always do when I’m away from you.” She moves back to the end of the bed where Rick is sitting, book in his lap, a soft smile on his lips. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Kate nestles into his open arms, still holding Lily. He kisses her forehead, being the easiest point to reach. “Shall we continue Bean?” Rick uses the nickname that Kate and he have called Lily since she was nothing more than a splotch on an ultrasound.  

“Yes Daddy!” Lily curls into her mom, holding her blanket close and listens to the words her father reads softly to them. They get through a couple more books before Lily tells Kate all about what fun she had with “Daddy, Jakey, and Reesie”. Sooner than Kate wants, it’s time to tuck Lily in, turn off her light and kiss her good night. The hours fly by too fast and her kids are growing up too fast. But she’s doing all of this for them, right?

As they close the door behind them, Rick takes her by the hand, very reminiscent of a rainy night years ago.  But this time, instead of walking away from secrets and mistakes, they’re walking past their sleeping children’s bedrooms to go have a birthday dinner and some time together that they both really need.

“What’s going on in that mind of yours?” Rick asks, lightly bumping hips with hers.

“What do you mean?” 

“You’ve got your thinking face on.” He points in between her eyebrows. “You get these cute little wrinkles right here. Wanna let me in?”

“I feel like I miss out on so much of the time the kids are awake. Like they grow so fast and I’m here for like three hours in the morning and maybe half an hour of Lily’s before bedtime routine.”

“Yeah but we knew that your hours were long before we even tried to have Lily.”

“But I don’t think I want to miss more of their lives. I missed her first steps, Jake’s first word, and a bunch of other things. Do I want to miss their first days of school? First big games? I want them to know that their mom is there for them.”

“They do know you’re here for them.” Rick says, pulling them to a stop in the kitchen. “But if you want to look at changing your hours, or changing your career, I’ll support you. Always. I didn’t marry you because you’re a cop. I married you because I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life without you.”

Kate takes a deep inhale through her nose. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s your birthday. We don’t have to figure this out tonight.”

“I’ve had plenty of birthdays. This one has been fine just the way it is. I got to spend the day with my kids, who you should know, the twins wanted to show me the card they made so much they went looking for the present but left the present behind. They only cared about the card.” Rick smiles at the memory. “And now I get to spend the evening with my beautiful, kickass, and have I mentioned smoking hot wife.” He enunciated each word with a kiss. “That’s all I need for a birthday.”

“But we don’t need to stress over my career on your birthday. That can wait until another day. Tonight should be about you. So I picked up food from that Thai place we like. And you’ve got some presents to unwrap.” 

“If my present is under that,” He points to her—his— t-shirt and sweats, “then I vote for presents first, eat later.” 

“Birthday boy gets to choose.” Kate winks at him and then pulls him towards their bedroom. Who knows, maybe his birthday present will actually show up in nine months.

[alwaysgurl43]

Make It Out To Kate

Word Count: 1K barely lol

Warning: absolutely none

Author’s Note: This is for the discord server I’m a part of’s Castlemas2020 secret santa! I had Faith (who being an absolute loser I have lost your blog but I will tag you on the server don’t worry!). This piece was hard for me to write because I stopped writing Castle fanfics after getting so much hate on FF.net for stuff I had written there in the Castle universe so this is the first piece I’ve written in a while for it. But I love our Castle server and Castle in general so hopefully Faith likes this!

“Kate. You can make it out to Kate.” Blue eyes pop up to meet hazel and she’s almost shocked to see the falter in his public persona. She’d like to hope that in any other state, his falter would be to a happier look, but after not seeing him for the past three months- she can only see notes of anger in the sea of his eyes. She expects witty banter, even if it’s filled with anger, but what she gets is worse. 

He flips the book open to the first page. Writes ‘To Kate. Don’t get burned as Heat Rises. Rick Castle’- the same thing he’s written in hundreds of books. She’s slightly hurt, thinking he’d at least write something more original after three months of not seeing him. 

“Castle-“

“I’m sorry. We need to keep the line moving.” Gina says as she motions for Kate to step aside so the next person can have their two minutes with Rick. She knows she may have to wait for him but she will. She knows him. He’ll want to thank everyone who worked the event so she’ll wait at the exit and grab her chance there. 

“Thank you so much. Next time I write a book, I’ll be sure to come by.” She hears his voice and it calms her. He sounds like himself, not like the rough persona that showed her when he saw her earlier. Hopefully this is the person she’ll see. But when he sees her, he stiffens up all over again, and tries to pass her without saying anything. 

“Castle wait-“

“Sorry, do I know you?”

“Really Castle? We’re going to play this game?”

“You don’t remember to call, I don’t remember you. Seems easy enough.” He turns to walk away and she reaches out to grab him, pulling on her scar in the process. She lets out a harsh puff of air but tries to not let it stop her. He looks at her to see what’s the matter, not being able to step into the role of completely not caring, and sees her hand reaching toward where he assumes there’s a scar from the gunshot. 

“I watched you die. The day you got that scar. Did you know that? Do you know what that’s like? To watch the life drain out of someone you love?” The words slip out of him without him meaning to but he doesn’t regret it. Kate stands there shocked but trying to take it in.

“Castle… I told you, I needed some time.” She can’t touch on what he said. Not yet at least. 

“You said a few days.”

“Well healing from being shot took a bit longer than I thought it would.”

“Picking up the phone doesn’t take that much effort.” Rick says with anger laced through every word.

“Castle I couldn’t call you. Not without dragging myself into everything I was trying to get some space from. I needed some time to work through everything.” She pauses before adding. “If you really love me you’d understand that.”

“Did Josh help you through everything?” He ignores the dig at his feelings for her.

She pauses, looking away-unable to hold eye contact with him as she says, “we broke up.” Without saying anything else, she crosses the street, to the park she can see across the way there. She hopes he’ll follow, but she’s not as sure as she was before arriving at the bookstore. He pretended to not even know her. But maybe it will be different at the park. It just feels like a place they can talk without the onlookers of the street hearing their every word. Plus, as confident as she may appear, she needs a moment to not stare at him as she plays the words in her head again.

Someone you love. He actually said that. It wasn’t a surprise to her. Not after the words he said to her before. Kate I lov- the words are cut off before any gunshots can ricochet around the space in her mind. Instead she takes a deep breath and focuses on sitting on the empty swings in front of her without pulling on her wound again. She had pulled out the stitches twice trying too damn hard to push ahead with her healing. So her wound pulls at times when it shouldn’t. So she takes things slower than she has to at times.

Holding the book in her hands, she doesn’t even open the book, not wanting to see Rick’s slanting handwriting with the same words he had printed in every other person’s book. But the chains of her swing rattle as he sits down next to her and she can’t help but comment on the one thing she does love. “I like the dedication.”

“It seemed right.”

“Must have been hard writing that ending.”

“Yeah. Yeah, given the circumstances.” There’s a pause that is filled with the sounds of taxis and heartbeats. “So why’d you guys break up?”

“I really really liked him. That wasn’t enough. After my mother was killed, something inside me changed. It’s like I built up this wall inside. I dunno, I guess I didn’t want to hurt like that again. I know that I’m not going to be able to be the kind of person that I want to be, I know I’m not… I’m not going to be able to have the kind of relationship that I want until that wall comes down. And it’s not going to happen until I put this thing to rest.” Kate stares into his face, hoping to see something, some sort of recognition of the man she’s grown to know, to love over the past three years. She sees him going through the steps of processing everything she just said.

“Then I suppose we’re just going to have to find these guys and take them down.” Kate feels the start of a smile growing on her face. But before she can say anything Rick speaks again. “Also, maybe you need something other than a company line in your book?”

“Why Castle? Maybe it will get more with the company line scrawled across it when I hawk it in a few years.”

“Because you deserve extraordinary, not extra ordinary Kate.”

[alwaysgurl43]

💖✨When you get this you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers. (Non-negotiable, positivity is cool!!)✨💖

Thanks for sending this! I like: my eyes, my ability to write, my ability to get shit done, my ability to make friends, and the fact that I found Castle all those years ago!

[alwaysgurl43]

So because of senior year of college kicking my ass I had to put off the last season of Castle but I finally got season eight this week and we have two episodes left and I don't want it to be over😭 I've been watching since 2011 and I don't know what I'll do when it's over!

[alwaysgurl43]

I needed to give myself some closure so I took an idea and ran with it.

If you'd like to read my story here it is!

[alwaysgurl43]

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!! THAT SEASON FINALLY WAS A BIG FAT YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT TO ME!!!!

I CAN'T HANDLE WAITING TIL SEPTEMBER NOW!! MARLOW WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!!! WHY COULDN'T YOU GIVE THEM A HAPPY ENDING FIRST!!!!!!!!

[alwaysgurl43]

On this past Sunday (Easter) while at work...

I had a major freak out because I realized that by Castle coming back today, ABC basically gave up putting new Castle episodes for Lent. and I thought this was funny:)