there’s nothing romantic about dying.
nov 19, 2017
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there’s nothing romantic about dying.
nov 19, 2017
really, how are you?
i don’t need to apologize for existing.
nov 27, 2017
we spent three months figuring us out.
i learned that sometimes people pull away, and if it hurts
that’s the way you care.
i learned that i have this way of cutting myself down so that
i’m small enough for you to love.
you never did.
i learned that sometimes you can go from being strangers to friends to best friends to lovers to strangers to trying- to- be- friends.
i learned that i’m happiest when i’m talking to you
that maybe your love is my lifeline,
even if you never really loved me the same way.
i hoped that maybe i was just so used to people leaving
that i was imagining the way you were separating yourself from my heart.
i wonder if maybe i did something wrong
or if i’m just that much more invisible than everyone else.
invisible enough to hide behind glass, and leave my house for a week before anyone even notices i’m gone.
you make my chest feel like a universe. empty and dark and so, so lonely.
you make me feel lonely.
i’m sorry i feel this way, and i’m sorry i can’t stop. i would if i could and i want to but i can’t.
talking to you for more than a minute makes it better, but then you stop responding and i start crying. sobs rip from my chest like a shooting star and i’m on fire.
you make my stomach ache like i’ve swallowed starlight. like it aches and it aches and it won’t stop aching.
i apologize for the way that i smoke cigarettes, like i can’t stop seeing stars in the dark. it’s too late to go back even though, now, i’m coughing up starlight.
— my heart is tired.
moodboard for how i’m feeling: 2/?
11/11/17 1:25pm
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