#extracold

[cultheart]

but i have a lover and i have a best friend, i’m doing well and i hope u listen to this... u’ll always be on my list of all the good things that i miss.

[my-angel-my-stars]

something tells me that one day we will meet in a universe where you aren’t so selfish and i’m not so quick to just walk away. maybe in that universe you will love me until you can’t stand it and then love me some more. maybe in that universe you will make me feel like i come first to you. we both know that here, in this universe, i will only ever be a name on a long list of options that have never worked for you in the first place. you see, you’re the kind of person who has a bruise and presses into it over and over again just to feel something. kind of like how you hold on to lovers who have already broken you, yet you still except a different outcome. people can change, but i’ve come to realize that the kind of love that they have to offer almost never does.

[raine]

i started wearing my seatbelt again

i know that doesn’t mean much but when all you think about is dying, taking an action to stay safe is improvement.

then the thing masking my pain ended up becoming another painful thing

i don’t wear my seatbelt anymore

[death-born-aphrodite]

Maybe I should have kissed you that May evening when we were sitting in my car. You helped carry my things as I left for the last time and for a moment there was comforting silence as the sun slowly sunk into the sky. Maybe you could have been good for me, we could have been good; but as the song ended on the radio, so did the moment and I didn’t stop you when you left. I have a habit of running away when I get scared and I could blame it on a lot of things, like my parents who were never really in love, or the boy who made me feel so sad that I never wanted to leave my bed; but at the end of the day these are just excuses and I still wake up alone. I hope I didn't ruin that song for you and that you can still listen to it without a touch of sadness in the pit of your stomach and I hope you find that love that I never could have given you.

- I had to find myself first (via death-born-aphrodite)

[avanillaopus]

How do you live with a mother whose idea of love is burning down bridges and then burning the ashes? How do you live in her house, constantly awaiting her next episode, staring at your bedroom door and waiting for her to burst through it? You go days without eating because you're terrified to go downstairs and you hope that this will help you shrink small enough to fit into your childhood hiding spots - all the places she'd never think to look. You cut your wrists, hips, thighs, any parts of your unloved skin that you can reach in hopes it will slow your breathing down before she hears you panicking - she's already reminded you once today that there is no room for weakness in her house. You smell burning again and get ready to bid farewell to another bridge, another memory, another part of your relationship that you'll never see again. You're not as bothered as you should be because in all honesty, there wasn't really a relationship or a bridge to begin with.

h.w

[lovvur]

poem for @good-vibes-and-blue-eyes. hope this is okay !

♡

it has been quiet here for a long, long time.

the wind here,

it cuts through me, chilling me deeply.

oh,

so deeply i almost forget that there was a time when i enjoyed this feeling,

reveled in it.

♡

the sun pours through a sliver of clear sky,

just for a moment,

before it slides away behind the clouds.

i remember when the sun would wake me in the morning,

and i know,

i enjoyed this, too.

but the sun has not woken me up in years,

and i am so often cold now, it is hard to remember ever being warm.

♡

in quiet moments,

i sometimes wonder if i should have been a faery,

think that maybe the universe made a mistake with me,

if only because i am more spite than love.

more malice than kindness.

i worry that people can tell how raw i am on the inside;

my taut skin cut open to reveal such fragile, fragile bones.

and here,

where the wind is so frozen and the sun is so shy, the blood flows and it never stops.

[maryaetlart]

can’t cry over you anymore

[thesenamesareabitmuch]

If the day comes when the heavens open and the earth beneath our feet cracks, if all the sins of creation are released unto humanity and everything around us erupts into flames, we will stand together, your hand in mine until the bitter end.

A.M