#am i nonbinary

[frognad0]

Dear gender, please make yourself known

[suck3r4luv]

years ago when I began questioning my sexuality, it was “am I attracted to women or do I just want to be them??” the answer was both but now I’m at the stage of “am I attracted to men or do I just want to be them??”

And I must say it is much worse because I do really want to be them but like if I was a boy I’d want to be taller so that’s just not going to work for me. Is this nonbinaryism someone help me PLEASE

also like sometimes I think guys are cute or hot but thinking of being in a relationship with one just seems like wrong.. I don’t know how to explain it.. but like maybe I’d kiss one again but I didn’t used to like having further encounters past kissing…

my friends think I’m a lesbian but am I allowed to think boys are cute?? There has been so much hostility to and from lesbians about what makes you a lesbian and what doesn’t.. I’m stressed OUT

[rincewind87]

I picked up my kid from the library a few days ago and grabbed a "they/them" pronoun pin out of their basket. I'm not even sure why I did it.

Last night I had a dream that I wore the pin to a queer event. I don't think the dream even got as far as actually going to the event; it stopped after the decision to wear the pin.

Maybe this is something I need to investigate further.

[theworthynerodivergent]

More on being nonbinary

I have joined some communities since coming to this conclusion and they have made me feel more confident in my thoughts and feelings.

After doing some research I can say that I believe that I am a nonbinary trans masc. I know this can be defined differently from person to person so for me I’d say I feel like I can go between feeling masculine and feminine but I feel that I lean more toward masculine majority of the time. Sometimes I feel like I do feel like neither and I’m just here existing.

For me, I’ve noticed discovering this has been more emotional for me than coming to the conclusion I have adhd. I think it’s because this has the potential to drastically change my life. If it does I’m pretty sure it will be for the better but still change is scary.

While discovering adhd is more of an ah I understand and I can work to work with this being nonbinary is more like time to begin the journey of acceptance, learning, and unlearning and I think it’s forcing me out of my comfort zone of putting myself last to appease others.

With this, I no longer wish to put myself last. I want to feel comfortable in my skin and be proud of who I am. This is going to be a long journey but it’s one I want to take being scared and all.

I told my boyfriend of… wow 8 years yesterday and while he’s not entirely surprised he said that he needs time to process. It was hard for me to do it so it was nice to hear that he accepts me for who I am and loves me no matter what. Tho this still may change things in our relationship and I’ve decided I’ll be ok with whatever happens.

As far as pronouns idk yet I say for now I’m ok with any and all this may change later.

As far as my appearance I already dress sort of masculine but I want to fully commit now and I was thinking of also getting a binder but I have a big chest (44 F) so idk what would be a good one for me. If anyone has any suggestions I am open to hearing them.

This self-discovery journey of mine has been very eye-opening, emotional, draining, overwhelming, stressful, and reassuring. I’m learning so much about myself and realizing I’m not lazy, crazy, or dumb and there is a reason for my experiences and they are valid just like my feelings.

From learning about adhd, the trauma that I’ve been in denial about (more on that later), and identifying as nonbinary this has been a wild transformative few months. I am very curious to find out more about myself.

[wackywyvern]

Hey, do cis people look at a character of a different gender and want to BE them? Or is that not normal?

[lesbianwhiptaillizard]

MYTH ABOUT GENDER #4: If you don’t identify with womanhood or manhood, you are agender or nonbinary.

For some people, and maybe you are one of them, their gender, sex, pronouns, etc. don’t feel “right”. But the opposite pronouns, gender, sex, etc. don’t feel right either. For some people, this feeling comes on suddenly, and for others, the discomfort seems to have always been there. Maybe it’s a little of both. In my case, it came on slowly from ages 14-19, peaking in college when I was 17-19.

Some people (let’s call them group A) don’t necessarily feel trapped by a role or dysphoric about their bodies, but rather they simply feel mislabeled. They see themselves as having both “masculine” and “feminine” traits, or as having many traits that seem to lie outside of the binary. Because of this mosaic of traits and preferences, they don’t feel it’s accurate to call themselves a “woman” or “man”.

Other people (let’s call them group B) are uncomfortable with the entire feminine or masculine gender. They are uncomfortable with hearing “she” or “he”, because of what those words mean to them. They can be distressed to the point of anxiety about the clothes they have to wear, the roles they are expected to perform, and the traits that get unfairly assumed of them.

And lastly, there are people (group C) who might have some or all of the above discomforts, but they also feel a deep physical dysphoria about their biological sex whenever they remember that they have sexed traits. There may be negative focus on their genitalia, breasts, general frame or shape, or other characteristics (such as periods). But instead of wanting the traits of the opposite sex, many (though not all) wish that they could forego sexual characteristics altogether.

I was part of group C, with characteristics of the other two groups. Every time I looked in the mirror, I was appalled by my female form. I didn’t necessarily want a penis, but I wished I didn’t have anything that reminded me I was a woman. I never outright started binding, but I did use tight sports bras to mitigate my curves. On top of this, I wished I could escape the confines of a word and group (“women”) that didn’t seem to describe me or be welcoming to the real me.

There’s so much I wish I could go back and tell myself.

But would I have believed my current self? Will you believe me now, especially you dear intrepid gender fugitives?

The truth is, as I’ve written about before, it is so incredibly normal to have many different traits, “masculine” as well as “feminine”, in one person. We are all highly complex human beings, and very few of us are naturally going to conform to what society believes women should be or men should be. I covered this in Myth #3. Masculine traits are not correlated to other masculine traits, and feminine traits are not correlated to other feminine traits. We are all mosaics.

Why should we have to change the words to describe our sex (“woman” or “man”) just because our mosaic is a little more rebellious than someone else’s? Is there no room in womanhood for “masculine” women? Is there no room in manhood for “feminine” men?

But what about people in group B? What if it’s more than a fear of being mislabeled? What if it’s a discomfort with the entire idea of “woman” (or “man”)? I would ask you to probe and explore that discomfort, just as I did. What I found when I probed mine was a misunderstanding of gender as a whole. If you have a visceral response to being called “she”, as I did, consider why that is. There is nothing inherent about that sound that causes discomfort. Could it be because “she” relates in the English language to your particular idea of what a woman is or should be?

I wrote in Myth #1 and Myth #2 about how gender is something forced upon us. We cannot actually identify out of it.This might be why you feel anger when thinking about your current gender (or, as is equally common for those considering if they are agender, you might feel nothing, confused why there is no experience of gender for you). No one is born with an innate sense of gender (as a role). We are reactive, choosing how we will relate to what is assigned to us based on our sex.

Imagine if someone gave you a box, full of stuff not based on what you liked, but what they thought you might like. You might like some of the stuff, or you might like all of it. You might hate what’s in the box, even though the person keeps trying to convince you that if you’re a real man/woman, you’ll like all of it. What’s the solution to this? Are more boxes the solution? What about saying, “Boxes are fine for most people, but I don’t want a box because I’m actually agender.”? Neither is the solution. If we believe in the equality of the sexes, we shouldn’t like gender or identify with the roles given to us at birth. As covered in Myth #1, they are unequal, unfair, and constricting. If boxes are unfair, we should question the entire existence of boxes.

As for those in group C, I will cover bodily dysphoria in another post. Since it is something I’ve experienced, and since it’s a very unpleasant, almost agonizing phenomenon, I would like to give it the time it deserves.

Bottom line: If I could have gone back and told my nonbinary/agender self one thing, I would have said: You can be a woman without all the fuss of gender. It’s totally allowed.

[sabrina-png]

the feminine urge to be masculine presenting

[knifehandsgf]

?????