#amiworthit

[ellieangelellieangel]

[momonights]

One of those nights

[shadowinthewall-blog1]

My only escape.

My only escape are the words on a page. I've been trying to not write but the weight of my thoughts were bringing me down. So low, lower then I usually am. I've been trying to fight it because I don't want the attention, don't want to be weak. Tears and vulnerability are my enemy's. I fight them, and hold them back but Im starting to admit to my self that I am not strong enough. I am not capable of maintaining this outer shell of strength. So I write. No one even checks my page and I can write my heart out. Then I don't have to admit to anyone I know that I'm struggling. That I'm loosing hope, that I'm loosing self worth, and that I don't feel like I belong anywhere in this world. The few that do know only see the tip of the iceberg, and they think with a little help I'll be ok. I thank them for their encouraging words but it doesn't assure me. I don't know if anything will ever fix me. Maybe I'm ment to be broken. I hear broken things can still be beautiful . If I'm lucky someone will look at me one day and not see the broken thing needing to be fixed but something amazing that needs to loved.

[taylorinnerworld]

Slowly Letting You Go...

On Jan. 14, 2016, I met this one girl who happened to become the one I fell in love with. Tomorrow will be the date we have known each other for exactly a year. I was thinking of helping you with the plane ticket money, so you can buy the ticket earlier as my gift for you, but then I saw your IG post saying something about “Something is still bothering me, as if God is punishing me, so I can’t let go.” You have no idea how heartbroken I was seeing that statement. I did not think that my existence was such a burden to you that made you so upset. I know that even if I help you with the plane ticket, you still would not appreciate me or wouldn’t even be thankful, so I will do so when you show me that you do appreciate me and worth of me to help out.

If my existence makes you so annoyed and bothersome, I will leave. I love you, but I will leave if I am the reason you are unhappy. I love you, but I will leave your life if it makes you happier. I love you, and I am willing to do anything for you as long as you are happy. 

94 days left for myself, 32 days left until you told me you will give me an answer. I wish you would really think it through, and realized how much we love each other and come back to me.

I love you very much, Lexie Lee.

在2016-01-14 我認識了一個女孩，一個讓我愛上她的女孩。明天是我們認識的一週年，我本來是想說存錢到妳的戶頭，讓妳可以提早買機票，算是我送給妳的禮物。但我半夜醒來看到妳的IG，妳說 "對於某件事情還是很煩躁，一定是老天爺在懲罰我，才讓我無法放下。" 妳永遠都不會知道這句話傷我有多深，我知道妳在說我，我不知道原來我的存在讓妳那麼的難受，我看到了真的很難受。我也知道就算我幫妳了，妳也不會感激我的幫忙，那我就等到妳學會感激我為妳做的所有事，值得我願意一直這樣付出。

如果我的存在讓妳那麼煩燥，我會離開。我愛妳，但如果我是讓妳不開心的原因，我會離開。我愛妳，但如果妳世界裡沒有我會讓妳開心，我會離開。我愛妳，只要妳快樂，我願意為妳做任何事。

對於我自己，剩下94天了，對於妳給我答案還剩下32天。我希望妳能好好想想，發現到我們有多愛對方，然後回來我身邊手牽著手一起面對所有問題。

我真的真的很愛妳，Lexie Lee。