Love Story with the Girl of My Life

Thoughts on how I truly feel about my relatinship with the girl of my life.

[taylorinnerworld]

What Should I Do?

I have been thinking, did I treat you poorly or am I really not that great? I don’t know understand why you would need to take such a long time to decide if you wanna be back by my side. I treated you like princess, I did everything I could to make sure you don’t have to worry about anything, I will do everything for you within my ability. I was and still am sincere toward you, take care of you, protect you, and love you. But if none of these is what you want, please just tell me. And I will leave your life in peace, I won’t bother you anymore, and I won’t be that person who makes you annoyed every day. I really love you, and I am willing to love you, take care of you, protect you, and hold your hand till the end of the world. I really really do love you, Lexie. 

Please just tell me what to do, anything, just tell me what you want me to do. Please don’t let me give up on you, because then it will be too late for anything in the future. 

90 days left, and 29 days until you give me answer. If you love me, hold onto me and don’t let me go. 

這幾天我一直再想，我對妳很差嗎還是我有那麼不好嗎? 為什麼妳會需要這麼久的時間來思考是否要回到我的身邊。以前的我總是把妳當小公主捧在手心裡，讓你不需要煩惱太多，需要什麼我都盡力去做到。我是真心真意的對待妳，照顧妳，保護妳，和愛妳。但如果這些都不是妳想要的，就直接跟我說吧，而我也會離開不再打擾妳，不再成為妳痛苦的罪人。我很愛妳，我也願意愛妳，照顧妳，呵護妳，牽著妳的手陪妳走一輩子。我是真的很愛妳...

拜託妳告訴我，我該怎麼做? 妳到底想我怎麼做? 別讓我放棄妳，因為當我放棄妳時，以後什麼都來不及了，我也會離開了...

對我來說剩下90天了，對於妳給我答案剩下29天了，不到一個月的時間了，就讓我繼續等下去吧。如果妳還愛我，把我抓緊，別讓我走了。

[taylorinnerworld]

"I Miss You and I Love You” 

“I miss you and I love you”, these two simple sentences used to be so easy to tell you, but they are so difficult to tell you now, because you don’t seem to care. I have said these two phrases numerous times, but now just seemed to mean so little to you. These two phrases used to be what kept us sane from missing each other. Two days ago was our one year friendship anniversary, and yesterday was our 11 month anniversary. I wish you will always be happy on the 15th, and and wish you will come back on the next 15th to make both of us happy. 

Slowly I don’t seem the meaning of counting down, because I feel like I already like you are just playing a game with me, because if you are so certain to prepare an answer for me, you probably already had the answer. I love you, please don’t mess with my head anymore.

91 days left and 30 days left until you give me the answer. If you really do plan on coming back, please don’t ever let me go anymore. If you don’t plan on coming back, please tell me soon and don’t do it on that meaningful day until you don’t want this friendship anymore.

" 我想妳，我愛妳 " 這兩句簡單的話以前很容易可以說出口，但現在好難說出口，因為妳漠不關心。這兩句話我們跟對方說了很多次，但現在對妳來說好像一點意義也沒有了。這兩句話讓以前的我們感到對方永遠都在身邊。兩天前，2017-01-14是我們認識滿一週年，昨天，2017-01-15是我們在一起的第11個月。我希望在每個月的15號妳都會過得很開心，我也希望在下個月的15號妳會回來我身邊，讓我們都很開心。

漸漸的我看不到倒數的意義，因為我覺得妳只是在跟我玩遊戲。因為如果妳能很確保的給我一個日期來給我答案想必妳心裡早就有答案了。我很愛妳，我拜託妳不要再跟我玩遊戲了，我的心玩不起。

對於我自己，剩下91天了，對於妳給我答案剩下30天。如果妳真的想跟我穩定下來，拜託妳不要再讓我離開了。如果妳不想和我在一起，直接告訴我，不要在那意義重大的那天跟我說，除非妳連友誼都不要了...

[taylorinnerworld]

Slowly Letting You Go...

On Jan. 14, 2016, I met this one girl who happened to become the one I fell in love with. Tomorrow will be the date we have known each other for exactly a year. I was thinking of helping you with the plane ticket money, so you can buy the ticket earlier as my gift for you, but then I saw your IG post saying something about “Something is still bothering me, as if God is punishing me, so I can’t let go.” You have no idea how heartbroken I was seeing that statement. I did not think that my existence was such a burden to you that made you so upset. I know that even if I help you with the plane ticket, you still would not appreciate me or wouldn’t even be thankful, so I will do so when you show me that you do appreciate me and worth of me to help out.

If my existence makes you so annoyed and bothersome, I will leave. I love you, but I will leave if I am the reason you are unhappy. I love you, but I will leave your life if it makes you happier. I love you, and I am willing to do anything for you as long as you are happy. 

94 days left for myself, 32 days left until you told me you will give me an answer. I wish you would really think it through, and realized how much we love each other and come back to me.

I love you very much, Lexie Lee.

在2016-01-14 我認識了一個女孩，一個讓我愛上她的女孩。明天是我們認識的一週年，我本來是想說存錢到妳的戶頭，讓妳可以提早買機票，算是我送給妳的禮物。但我半夜醒來看到妳的IG，妳說 "對於某件事情還是很煩躁，一定是老天爺在懲罰我，才讓我無法放下。" 妳永遠都不會知道這句話傷我有多深，我知道妳在說我，我不知道原來我的存在讓妳那麼的難受，我看到了真的很難受。我也知道就算我幫妳了，妳也不會感激我的幫忙，那我就等到妳學會感激我為妳做的所有事，值得我願意一直這樣付出。

如果我的存在讓妳那麼煩燥，我會離開。我愛妳，但如果我是讓妳不開心的原因，我會離開。我愛妳，但如果妳世界裡沒有我會讓妳開心，我會離開。我愛妳，只要妳快樂，我願意為妳做任何事。

對於我自己，剩下94天了，對於妳給我答案還剩下32天。我希望妳能好好想想，發現到我們有多愛對方，然後回來我身邊手牽著手一起面對所有問題。

我真的真的很愛妳，Lexie Lee。

[taylorinnerworld]

Loving You Is The Only Thing That Keeps Me Alive

Last night I asked you, “Are you seriously thinking about coming back to me?” Your response was predictable, “I saw your effort, and I have been thinking, but give me time.” The thing I did not expect is you said, “I will give you answer on Feb. 15.” That is the date we got together. I am scared, because if the answer isn’t pleasant, it would be like “On Feb. 15, 2016, I have you. On Feb. 15, 2017, I lose you” That is a lot of pressure. But I will wait for your answer, I will not bother you until then, so you can think clearly. I hope all my hard work and everything I have gone through will pay off, I hope you will see how dedicated I am to you, and how much I love you. 

Every day, you push me away little by little, and when I decide to let go, you come right back into my life. I have gone through so much emotional torture, yet nothing can stop me from loving you, nothing can get me to walk away from you. I feel like you have put a spell on me to make me fall for you unconditionally. Loving you is the only thing that keeps me alive every day, and I hope you will give me, give us a chance for me to continue loving you for the rest of our lives. 

95 days left, I hope you will come back to me soon, I really do love you very much.

昨晚我忍不住的問妳，" 妳是真的有認真在想要回來我身邊嗎?" 妳的回答依然一樣好預測，" 我有看到妳的好，我也有在想，但再給我一點時間" 但後面妳說了一句讓我驚訝的話，" 2/15號我再給你回覆可以嗎?" 我很害怕，很害怕答案。因為如果答案是不好的，就會變成 "在2016.02.15，我擁有了妳，但在2017.02.15，我失去了妳" 這壓力好大，到時我也相信打擊會很大，但我會等妳的回覆。在那之前我不會再打擾妳了，讓妳好好想清楚。我希望我所有的付出都會有好結果，我希望妳能看到我對妳的專情和付出。

妳每天都一點一點的推開我，但當我決定要放下離開時，妳又跑回來我身邊。我已經經歷很多很多的精神磨損，但我還是無法告訴自己別再愛妳了，我無法讓我自己離開妳的世界。我總覺得妳好像對我施了魔法，讓我一直一直得深愛著妳離不開。對妳的愛是唯一能讓我覺得我還活著的感覺，我希望妳能給我，給我們一個機會讓我繼續這樣的愛妳一輩子。

剩下95天了，我希望妳能快點回到我身邊，我是真的真的很愛妳。

[taylorinnerworld]

I Am No One’s Second Choice

You haven’t talked to me all day yesterday. You did your regular routine, read and no reply, I lost contact with me. You say you have feelings for me and care about me, but when have you ever asked once “How are you doing?” When have you ever initiate the contact with me besides needing help? Slowly everyone kept calling me stupid, because you are obviously treating me like a second choice. I kept lying to myself that you aren’t, but I can’t keep going if you don’t help me prove them wrong. I love you, but I am so exhausted. I love you more than anyone in this world, but I feel like my love isn’t worth anything to you.

Second choices are for those who cannot see what is right in front of them. I will never settle to be the second choice, because I know my own worth and how much potential I have. Question with me will always be: have me or lose me, think thoroughly.

I will keep my words and my bet to continue giving you time and wait for you, but I think it is time for me to start letting go slowly, so when the time is up, I wouldn’t be as disappointed by your decision... 

96 days left, hold onto me if you love me, let me go if you don’t...

妳從昨天就沒有聯絡我了。妳又跟平常一樣，已讀不回我的訊息。妳說妳對我有感情，但妳從幾何時有問過我 "妳過得如何?" 妳又有甚麼時候不是在需要我幫忙的情形下主動來找我? 慢慢的大家都笑我傻，自己變成備胎了都不知道。我一直幫妳說話，一直說沒有，妳只是很忙沒時間理我而已，但真正愛一個人會連5秒鐘打封簡訊都沒時間嗎? 我沒辦法在一直說服，一直欺騙我自己如果妳都不為自己的行為澄清了。我很愛妳，但我是心被妳用的好累。我是這世界上最愛妳的人，但我覺得我的愛對妳來說一點也都不值得。

備胎是給那些看不到自己前面有個很好的人。我不會當別人的備胎因為我知道自己的條件和自己的潛力，沒必要當別人的備胎。面對我，妳該問妳自己＂擁有她還是失去她＂自己想清楚。

我會遵守我的承諾和我的賭注，我會繼續給妳時間，但我覺得是時候我開始慢慢的放手了，因為這樣至少時間到了我不會對妳最後的答案太失望．．．

剩下９６天了，如果還愛我就抓緊我，如果不愛了就放我走吧．．．

[taylorinnerworld]

Who Am I to You?

I was once that important person in your life that you could not live without, but who am I now? You used to make sure I know you are always around when I need you, but now you are hardly able to find when I need you the most. Who am I to you? Am I just someone that you can push around based on your mood? Am I just someone you go to when you are bored and no one to talk to? Am I just someone there, so you know you will never be alone? 

You told me that you wanted to come back, but then just last night you told me that you like how it is now and don’t want to change yet. I don’t know if it is because ever after apart, I am still here loving you, caring for you, and taking care of your needs, so you can’t tell the difference. I love you, I really do love you a lot, but I don’t think I can wait forever until you decide you are done having fun and coming back. I am no saint, I don’t have that big of heart to accept all these for a long time, I am a human being, I have feelings as well. If you love me, then talk to me and come back, if you don’t love me anymore, just let each other go, so none of us is suffering through this. You may be enjoying your life, but you don’t know how much I have gone through emotionally in the shadow. I love you, but don’t push me so far that I decide to leave your world and never come back...

97 days left until I either have you by my side or I am completely gone from your life...

我曾經是那個妳不能沒有我的人，但現在的我是誰? 妳曾經讓我不感到害怕，因為我知道我永遠找得到妳，但現在的妳在我最需要妳的時候時常找不到。我對妳來說到底是誰? 我只是一個妳開心就來找我的人嗎? 我只是一個妳無聊沒人陪時來找的陪伴嗎? 我只是一個傻傻永遠在那妳不用怕只有妳自己一個人的人嗎?

妳跟我說妳偏向複合，但昨晚又對我說妳覺得現在很好，還不想改變。我不知道是不是因為妳認為就算分開了，我還是一樣的愛妳，照顧妳，體貼妳，所以妳感受不出差別。我愛妳，我很愛妳，但我覺得我沒有辦法等妳那麼久，等妳到妳玩完了才回來。我不是聖人，我沒有那麼大的心可以去包容和等待這麼久，我也是人，我也有感受的。如果妳愛我，就來跟我溝通，回來我身邊。如果妳不愛我了，直接坦白跟我說，讓對方走，別讓對方再受傷了。妳也許在享受現在的生活，但妳不知道在影子裡的我受了多少傷害。我愛妳，但別把我推太開了，回不來了，決定轉身永遠離開妳的世界了...

剩下97天了，不是妳回到我身邊了就是我已經永遠消失在妳世界裡了...

[taylorinnerworld]

When Missing You Isn’t Allowed Anymore

I miss you with my every waking moment, but I know I am not allowed to, because it will just destroy me little by little each time I do. This is how I would look at you if you were right in front of me right now, I miss you constantly text me, call me, talk to me, and need me. I miss us joking around being dorks, I miss us teasing each other and end up saying “I love you” to end all the teases. I miss every second with you, it was my happiest times since I was a child. But I know I am not allowed to miss you anymore, because you don’t seem to care if I do or not, and I am just here destroying myself thinking too much. 

I wish you would come back soon, soon before I make up my mind to turn around and never come back anymore. Soon before I convince myself that maybe you are happier with me letting you go instead of sticking around. Soon before I find out I am no longer that important person you once said I was. 

我每天都好想妳，但我知道我不能想妳，因為對妳的思念只會慢慢的摧毀我自己。照片裡妳看著我的眼神就是我現在對妳的眼神，我想念妳常常傳訊息給我，打給我，跟我說話，需要我的時候。我懷念以前我們一起鬧，一直噹對方到用 "我愛妳" 來結尾。我很想念跟妳在一起的時候，那是我從小到現在最快樂的時光。但我知道我不能再想念妳了，因為妳對我好像漠不關心，而我也知道如果我一直在這想妳只會慢慢地摧毀我自己。

我希望妳能快點回到我身邊，在我決定轉身離開前回來，在我說服我自己說可能放手讓妳走會讓妳比較快樂前回來，在我發現我再也不是妳以前口中那個很重要的人前回來。

[taylorinnerworld]

Because I Love You

My heart aches when you don’t talk to me, not because you are supposed to, but because it makes me feel like you don’t need me anymore. It makes me feel as if I am no longer that important part of your life that I once was. I try hard to control my emotions, so you won’t know when I am sad. I get so happy even when I just received one word response from you, pathetic, isn’t it? But this is how easily you can make me smile. 

I watched a short film, and at the end, the main character said something that hit straight to my heart, “Because I love you, so I did everything I could to be with you. Because I love you, so I choose to leave because of all the pains, scars, and struggles that hurt you. I choose to leave, so you can have a blessing relationship to be happier.” 

當妳整天都不找我時，我的心好疼。我心疼不是因為妳應該要找我，而是我覺得我好像在妳心中的地位已經不像以前那麼重要了。我試著克制自己的情緒，不想讓妳知道我很痛苦。就算妳只有傳給我一個字的訊息也能讓我很開心，很可悲，對吧? 但這就是妳的魔法，只有一點點就能讓我笑。

剛剛看了一部短片，在最後女主角說了一句話深深打到我的心裡， "因為愛妳，所以想盡辦法都要跟妳在一起，但也因為愛妳，所以選擇離開不再讓妳受到種種的傷害了，讓妳開心的談場被祝福的戀愛。"

[taylorinnerworld]

Late Night Talk

I started to do the countdown, and you were curious about my bet last night and kept asking about the meaning of 102 days left, then I replied you “I am curious about when are you planning on coming back?” 

This is your response, “I have been thinking about it and just give me a little more time. I am currently leaning more toward to coming back to you, but I am still enjoying the single life.”

Part of me is happy that you have thoughts about coming back to me, but at the same time made me wonder if being single really makes you happier than being with me? Am I just not good enough? What’s wrong with me? There are millions of questions in my heart, and I knew just then that I should just stop and let time tells me what is happening... 

102 days left, if you love me, please come back to me and don’t ever leave me anymore...

我開始在為自己做倒數了，昨晚妳很好奇我的人生賭注是甚麼，102天又是甚麼，我回問 "那我也很好奇妳甚麼時候要回來我身邊?"

妳的回答 " 我有認真在考慮了 在給我一陣子哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈。 最近比較偏想復合一點 但 我還在享受單身嗷嗷。 可是你太笨了讓我很猶豫..."

有部分的我很開心聽到妳有認真想回到我身邊了，但另一部分的我一直在想難道單身真得會比跟我在一起快樂嗎? 我不夠好嗎? 我到底哪裡有問題? 心裡有好幾萬個問題，但我知道我該停止問我自己這些問題，讓時間來告訴我答案...

剩下102天了，如果妳真的愛我，請妳快點回來，別在離開我身邊了....

[taylorinnerworld]

2017 Confession

I made my very first confession to you on the first day of 2017, I told you everything I felt about you since the first time we met, and how much I really do love you and want to walk till the end of the world together. You rubbed my hair and said “I know you love me a lot, just give me a little more time, okay?” then hugged me.

Because of this, I made a bet on my life, and I hope that I would win this bet, or else I would walk away with all the pain and scars and leave your world at ease. Leave you with only the good memories of us together in 2016.

我在2017年的第一天跟妳做了第一次的告白，我把我從第一天認識妳到現在對妳的所有愛和感受都跟妳說，我是真的很想跟妳走到人生的最後一步。妳摸摸我的頭髮說 "我知道妳很愛我，但再給我一點時間，好嗎?" 然後抱住了我。

因為妳的這句話，我打算為我們的幸福賭上一次，我也希望我能贏這場賭注，但如果我輸了，我會安靜的帶著我的傷痛和疤痕離開妳的世界，讓妳對我的記憶只停留在2016美好的我們。